


the parts we didn't see

by multifanwho



Series: Jenny and Yaz [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Deleted Scenes, F/F, Fluff, Human AU, parent!thasmin, prompt fills, quarantine fic, yaz has the braincell, you know what I'm hungry I'm going to come back to these tags lateer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 08:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23348770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: all the stuff from my university au that didn't fit with the plot, has been stuck in my head, is a prompt, or a deleted scene. a little thank you to those who read it. probably not proof read(This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)
Relationships: Thasmin - Relationship, Thirteen/Yaz, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: Jenny and Yaz [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585054
Comments: 62
Kudos: 123





	1. the morning of Jenny's 26th (?) birthday (E)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so when I wrote chapter 19 I was so focused on getting to Jenny's graduation I forgot I was skipping Jenny's birthday so I put a mention of it in. Then I got called out for not writing the smut so uuuuuh

Yaz wakes up early on Jenny’s birthday to get changed into the red set of lingerie she owns. The set is a couple years old since they’re saving and that kind of stuff is an expensive luxury they can’t afford. So a new pair is off the table and this repeat will have to do. Yaz only wears it for special occasions anyway and the fact she has it on for the second Jenny wakes up will be an added surprise. An added bit of spice, if you will. 

Yaz slips herself back under the covers. It shouldn’t be long now until Jenny wakes up, but the longer the minutes tick by Yaz becomes easily restless. Waiting means thinking, and thinking means feeling. She thinks about what Jenny’s going to do with her, she flushes hot and has to resort to removing her side of the bedsheets. She thinks about Jenny’s mouth soon to be hot against her, she feels heat spike between her legs. She thinks about what Jenny might do to her, she feels her own hand dip down to dampen and soothe that growing, burning ache. She wonders if Jenny knows just the thought of her has the ability to get Yaz this ready. Soon Yaz is straight up touching herself, trying to avoid her clit as best she can, saving that for the sleeping body next to her to enjoy, but just something that will help her be able to last better when Jenny finally wakes up.

Too lost in thinking about the near future event fumbling fingers hit the places she’s been purposefully avoiding, making her gasp and shift enough to the point where she feels she needs to check to see if Jenny’s still sleeping. She just catches her eyes opening- widening at the sight of Yaz in front of her masturbating. 

“Happy birthday.” Yaz whispers to get her word in first. She swears she sees Jenny gulp as she assesses the situation in front of her. Yaz bites her lip and starts to palm her own breast over her bra, squeezing and moulding supple flesh to fit her hand. Some kind of uncontrolled, unidentifiable noise slips out from Jenny’s throat and Yaz can’t help but smile. “Got a bit impatient.”

“Am I still dreaming?” Jenny asks, her voice croaky from her dry throat.

Yaz smiles softly, using her spare hand to take Jenny’s nearest available hand and slide it into her underwear, just enough to feel how ready she’s been, waiting for her arrival. “I believe I owe you something.”

Even if Jenny hadn’t instantly clicked onto what Yaz meant by that, she goes along with it anyway, shuffling closer, being unable to rip her gaze from where their hands are; Jenny’s unmoving, Yaz’s fingers trying to stay at a steady pace. Jenny sets herself up on her knees- one leg either side of Yaz’s own leg- and to Yaz’s surprise, her wife removes her hand from her birthday present.

“I’m still tired, first one’s on you.” Jenny nods once and Yaz gets the gist.

Refusing to not look away from Jenny’s face for a second, even if Jenny is looking somewhere else entirely, Yaz allows herself the sensations she’s been denying her nervous system. She rubs and pants and wriggles against Jenny’s leg, saving all the overly keen noises for Jenny kind of as an incentive for her to try her best when it comes to her turn. It doesn’t take long at all for Yaz to notice how close she is and the second she falls over the edge Jenny is laying on top of her, peppering her neck and her cheeks and her chest with soft, drawn out kisses. And when her mouth isn’t doing that she’s sucking Yaz’s fingers clean.

“I fucking love you.” Jenny mumbles into Yaz’s ear as she recovers- stroking her abs, her scar, her chest, her boobs.

“Are you awake now?” Yaz asks, her breaths still a little shallow.

“You don’t have to hold up the metaphor Yaz.” Jenny laughs. That beautifully cute laugh that somehow turns Yaz on even more. Again. “You can do whatever you want to me.” 

“Nah you  _ want _ me to do whatever I want to you.” Yaz gathers her recharged strength to use her core muscles and flip Jenny onto her back. She intertwines her fingers in both of Jenny’s hands and likes flat against Jenny’s front, making sure her chest stays a little raised so that her breasts are directly in Jenny’s eyeline if she looks down. “What do  _ you _ want?” 

“...me...”

“Sorry, didn’t quite hear that?” Yaz pretends not to know what she means so that Jenny will repeat it like she actually wants it. Like she needs it.

“Fuck me.” 

“How?” Yaz continues to fool around, knowing that the longer her body is pressed against Jenny the easier it’s going to be to rip the reins of control out of her hands 

“H-hard.” Jenny stutters out her answer. To turn that stutter into a moan Yaz scrapes her teeth against her neck, pinching some skin between them and letting Jenny’s legs wriggle and spread naturally under her. 

“Bad girl.” Yaz can’t resist rasping against her freshly created patch of tender skin. 

For the first time this morning, Yaz seals their lips together passionately. For her, kissing Jenny is sometimes more erotic than having her fingers inside her. She lets go of her hands, letting her hold her face with one hand and her asscheek with the other. Thanks to exam season always ending about three or four days before Jenny’s birthday Yaz has made a habit of making Jenny wait those three days for sex. Now that she’s finished, this might be the last time she makes her wait like this, so she’s sure as hell going to make it mind-blowing.

Yaz’s next step is to remove Jenny’s bed shirt, knowing if she looks down at that cartoon alien she’ll end up laughing and killing the mood she’s created by letting Jenny watch her. The second the fabric disappears Yaz moves her mouth to take care of the stiff peaks laid out in front of her. She’ll never get over how sensitive Jenny can be and is taken by surprise at how keenly she arches up into her. She changes to less harsh movements with her fingers and tongue. A mistake, since it lets Jenny gather her thoughts and programme her hands to unclip the bra on her back and drag the straps down her arms. 

“I put that on especially for you.” Yaz says, mildly annoyed that Jenny isn’t appreciating the birthday treat. 

“It’s done it’s job, I want you now.” Jenny says, pulling her in close for another extended kiss. 

Although Jenny said she wanted it ‘hard’ she never said anything about the pace. So, Yaz keeps her lips slow and loving for the moment, keeping the loving and emotional side to all this because it's anything but a one night stand with no strings attached. However, like every moment, it passes and Yaz sends her dominant hand down between Jenny’s legs to meet pubic hair, then a wet mess under her fingertips. She hears Jenny’s breathing hitch as she touches her, slipping over her swollen clitouris and dipping her index finger inside until her knuckle feels that similar sticky sensation. She pulls out, pushes back with the addition of her middle finger, Jenny groans helplessly as she pulls out again, and this time, for the first time in their relationship- surprisingly- Yaz stretches Jenny with three fingers.

“Is that okay?” Yaz checks, nibbling on Jenny’s earlobe just to add to the mounting pile of sensations.

“More than okay.” Jenny says, breathless. Yaz hasn’t even started moving yet. 

She pumps and pushes her fingers to the point where she thinks Jenny might not be able to cope but she handles her like a champion, taking everything she throws at her and giving back noises that make Yaz’s body produce wave upon wave of liquid until it’s pooling in her knickers. 

“You get better and better every year. Like a fine wine. Perfect.” Yaz whispers sweet nothings to Jenny as the only movement left between them is Jenny’s hips rolling against Yaz’s fingers. Yaz continues to whisper a catalogue of birthday centered compliments until she can see Jenny’s breathing return to normal by watching her chest.

“Wait till I’m in my fourties, then I’ll be peak milf.” Jenny says.

“Did you really just-”

“Don’t say it, I know, just… jelly brain.” Jenny finishes her sentence with a laugh to accompany her blissed out face. “Sit.” Jenny grabs the inside of her thigh.

“What?” 

“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear, I’m not done with you.” Jenny says. It’s like she’s trying to warn her but with Jenny in this state- a state Yaz is quite proud to have achieved so early in the morning- she doesn’t believe those threats have anything behind them.

In her confusion Jenny manages to pull Yaz forward, so that her once again wet core is just above her mouth. Teeth scrape across the top of her punbic bones and suddenly Yaz understands, just in time for her to move her gaze down and drag her underwear down her thighs with her teeth as far as she can before Yaz has to lift a leg to kick them off. Yaz, suddenly eager to have her turn, doesn’t need to be shifted down and sits on her own accord, keeping herself up so as to not suffocate the blonde under her by clinging onto the headboard. Without warning, and at the same time Jenny sets the muscle in her mouth to work, Yaz’s backside gets spanked making her squeak. First time for everything, she guesses, and she doesn’t mind Jenny doing it. In fact she quite likes it and Jenny must know it because she does it again but this time harder. 

“Good girl. So go- ah!” Yaz’s mouth gets stuck wide open right as Jenny adds more pressure directly onto her clit. She thinks she’s locked it. She thinks Jenny’s birthday is going to be ruined by having to go to accident and emergency with a dodgy explanation as to how it happened. Luckily, looking down at Jenny's head bobbing up and down she finds her voice again. “Keep doing that, just right there!”

Her knuckles go white, her vision goes white, she can feel herself spilling all over Jenny’s chin, she feels her legs on the verge of giving way but over everything she holds herself up and channels it all into her voice. If their neighbours weren’t up before, they are now. No doubt about it. She twitches and pulses, riding it out, letting Jenny feel her with her face and her hands travelling around every curve of her body. Her thumb  _ still _ landing directly on her scar like it’s Yaz’s most attractive feature. 

“You’re amazing.” Jenny mumbles as Yaz flops down on her front next to her. 

“Is that what you wanted?” Yaz asks. If Jenny comes back and says no she’s more than prepared to buck up her ideas and go down on her. 

Jenny rolls over to draw patterns down Yaz’s spine. “You don’t even need to ask that.”

“It’s your birthday, you can have what you want.” Yaz smiles, lazily. 

“Cuddle me for the rest of the morning then.” Jenny says, shuffling her body even closer so that Yaz can cradle Jenny’s head in her chest.

“What do you want to do tod-”

“Sssh.” Jenny silences her by placing her finger on Yaz’s lips. “Today stays like this until I say so.”

Yaz, quite evidently by the way her naked body melts and relaxes into her wife’s body, is happy to oblige.


	2. Teacher Jenny is good with kids(G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> once again this is all thanks to joli, I wrote this as a present to her but then it got altered and turned into chapter 18 of the sequel. Set between the first fic and the second, warning signs are cropping up within their relationship so they plan a date, except Jenny is late so Yaz goes to the school to find her. Fluff ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't based off the layout of my old school, what? I don't cling onto memories of teachers being nice to me, I don't- suddenly I can't see

After receiving a text at the time Jenny is meant to meet her back at the house, Yaz is driving to meet Jenny at the local secondary school. After Amy and Rory’s wedding and all the events that came with it, Jenny decided it would probably be best if Yaz was put on her insurance policy permanently. In the middle of searching for a flat of their own, the idea to call up an insurance company probably wasn’t the best idea from Jenny but it’s what she insisted on doing. That’s why they’re on this date tonight; a little bit of time on their own without stress. Or at least they’re  _ meant  _ to be on the date right now. 

Yaz parks up in the car park in a space miles away from the two other cars still left in the staff car park. Luckily Jenny’s pass let her through the barriers even though she’s not actually staff, and Yaz sits, starting a podcast on her phone to listen to while she waits and check herself in the mirror every now and then. She’s dressed herself up a bit for tonight, only slightly hoping that Jenny might be overcome with lust and take her back home for a different kind of desert. But twenty minutes pass and Jenny’s not answering her phone anymore. The official after school session slot finished fourty minutes ago, which only adds to Yaz’s worry.

Deciding she can’t wait in the car in the dark any longer, Yaz ventures in to the well lit reception. 

Behind the desk sits a grey haired woman, probably only in her early fifties, with a face like thunder but Yaz recons she should probably get on her good side as she’s her only chance to get into the building. 

“Can I help you?” She asks, not looking up from her computer screen.

“Um, yeah, my partner tutors and volunteers here, I’m just wondering how long she-”

“Oh! Are you Yaz!” She looks up.

“Yes that’s me.”

“Miss Smith emailed down a while ago. She says she’s sorry she’s running late.” The woman explains. 

“Is there any chance I could… go see her?”

“Any friend of Jenny’s is a friend of ours.” She says, rummaging around in a draw. “Just make sure you’re wearing one of these and hand it back in when you come out. She’s in the maths block which is just down the corridor in front of you and the first right.” She cracks a smile and hands over a visitors pass on a lanyard that looks just like Jenny’s. 

“Thank you.” Yaz says as the glass doors get opened for her. 

Walking through an eerily quiet corridor and out into another building that she assumes is the maths building Yaz feels herself shiver at the memories of her time at school. The bullying The teasing. The tormenting. But at least now Yaz is walking directly to the love of her life and she has nothing to be afraid of. 

It’s very easy to find out which room Jenny is in. Firstly, it’s one of the only ones with a light still on. Secondly, Jenny isn’t exactly quiet when she gets passionate about stuff. Peering through the slit of glass in the door Yaz confirms their suspicion and she sees Jenny and a young girl sitting next to her, scribbling away on a bit of paper with their backs to the door. Just as she does, a timer goes off on Jenny’s phone. 

“Okay, shall we see how you did?” Jenny asks in a voice Yaz has never  _ ever _ heard her use before. She doesn’t even speak that softly with her. 

Yaz watches her take the paper while the girl, probably no older than fourteen shakes in her seat; tapping her fingers and feet and twitching her head now and then. 

“Jenny you’re being quiet that means I’ve done bad.” The girl says. Yaz holds her hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing at the relatability.

“No, you’ve not done bad.” Jenny says.

“What did I get then?”

“Three out of ten.” Jenny says and the young girl takes a shaky breath. “And that isn’t bad at all, it’s better than when we started earlier.” 

“Three out of ten won’t get me a pass!” The kid starts raising her voice and twitches of her head become more violent. 

“No, listen-” Jenny keeps her voice calm while the girl continues to spiral. It makes Yaz’s heart ache to see it but she feels like interrupting and barging in will just make it worse. 

“I’m going to fail! I know I am and then my parents will hate me and I’ll have no proper qualifications and-”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jenny says soothingly. She moves her chair further away from the girl but for some reason Yaz believes she’s not doing it out of discomfort. She’s doing it to give the young mind space. “Listen to me yeah? You don’t have to look at me but just listen.”

“I can’t- I’m going to-” The young girl sobs and Yaz gets a flashback to one of the many breakdowns she had with her most trusted teachers at school.

“It’s fine, okay. We still have time and I’m prepared to help you however I can.”

“You’re- you’re meant to be on your date.” The young girl sniffles and wipes her eyes. Jenny hands her a piece of tissue and Yaz feels herself slightly smiling and not resenting Jenny for being late one bit. 

“My partner can wait, this is more important at the moment. We can’t have you going home feeling upset can we? Otherwise I’m not good at my job and then I’ll go home upset and my partner will be like ‘why are you so tired today Jen, pay attention to me’.” Yaz scoffs at the terrible impression of her. “So can I walk you through this?” Jenny holds up the piece of paper full of numbers and symbols and Yaz decides- now that she’s happy she knows what Jenny’s doing- that she should go back and wait in the car. 

She sits on the bonnet for another good fifteen minutes before the shadow of a worn out Jenny comes slumping towards her. The second she sees Yaz her posture corrects itself and Yaz smiles. 

“I’m sorry.” Jenny says as she takes the final few steps towards her. “Had something important I needed to finish.”

Yaz hops down from the car bonnet without saying anything, curls her arms around Jenny’s waist tugging her in, and sighs contently. She tilts her head up slightly to reach Jenny’s lips and pushes against them, gently but passionately, before tucking her head into the crook of her neck and hugging her tightly. 

“Did I do something?” Jenny asks, her arms cautiously cuddling Yaz back in the middle of this car park. 

“Not really.” Yaz pulls her face back. Jenny is looking at her so confused and innocently that Yaz feels herself fall in love with her that little bit more right then and there. “Do you still want to go out or do you want to go home and just relax.”

“Yaz, you dressed up, I-”

“I don’t mind.” Yaz smiles at her willingness to still insist on going out despite obviously having a hard tutoring session. “I have a strong feeling that you've worked hard enough today.”


	3. something more permanent (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz keeps herself up at night having a midlife crisis. Jenny notices and talks her down, not knowing that in a matter of days what they've been looking for, finds them. aka the one where they meet cameron for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so obviously at this point in the timeline cameron hasn't come out as cameron and female pronouns are used to reference him, just have to point that out but quite frankly I never thought of a deadname so that won't be used.

"Yasmin khan." Jenny rolls over in bed to lazily rest into Yaz’s side. Yaz accepts her with open arms; even greeting her by kissing the top of her head as she settles into her body. "Why aren’t you sleeping?" 

"Why aren't you?" Yaz asks back.

"Because you're awake." Jenny says. Yaz runs her fingers through that mess of blonde hair resting on her chest. She’s so soft. She’s always so soft. "What's keeping you up?"

"I feel old." Yaz sighs, expelling all the air from her lungs at the same time for emphasis.

"You are thirty-five years of age. That's not old. Come back to me in another thirty years, then you can say it." Jenny grumbles into her skin, probably wishing that she would just go back to sleep.

"I just feel like…" Yaz starts but she finds it hard to finish. She isn’t entirely sure how her brain got onto this topic but now it’s consuming her. Making her daydream about it. 

Obviously concerned by her silence, Jenny props her head up on her elbow so that she’s at eye level. "Tell me." Her words are enough to get Yaz to speak, however the addition of her thumb stroking the back of her hand is greatly appreciated.

"If we did want a kid of our own, we'd have to start trying now." Yaz says.

"What, you think we should be looking to adopt, not foster? We said we would foster until the right kid came along but if you want-"

"I mean getting pregnant, Jen." Yaz sets Jenny back on the right path.

"Oh. Oh?"

"Or something like that, I don’t know.” Yaz backtracks. “I’m just the age most women have babies or like, have already had some."

“So you want to… what, you want to carry it?” Jenny attempts to make sense of the information she’s been given. Hearing it from Jenny’s mouth plants a seed of doubt in her mind. Does she really want it?

“Maybe your egg and a sperm donor. Then that embryo gets put in me. I know you wouldn’t want to do it so-” 

“Have you been up all night thinking about this?” Jenny asks.

“Have you ever considered it?” Yaz throws the attention back onto her.

"Can't say I haven't thought about it but..."

"Really?"

"In the sense of all the things that could go wrong during pregnancy that could destroy you."

"Thanks." Yaz huffs, trying to roll over but is prevented by Jenny's arm across her waist pulling her back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Jenny apologies with obvious regret. “Don’t you remember what it was like with the twins? You would have to take time off work again, there’s a probability of you carrying twins, or triplets, and the sleepless nights won’t end after two months, it’ll be a whole other ballgame. Postnatal depression and-”

“That’s the thing though, I want a kid to raise and love with you that we don’t have to give back after a year or a couple of months.” Yaz says. As she says it it becomes clear in her mind that she doesn’t really want to get pregnant. She just wants a family of her own.

“Mia still visits and Toby said he would when he’s settled.” Jenny reminds her.

“I know.” Yaz sighs. Again. Maybe bringing this up was a bad idea. “If you won’t consider IVF then I want to adopt. Soon.” 

“And we can do that.” Jenny smiles gently. “Is that the real point of this? You just want someone more permanent?” 

“No because saying it like that makes it sound horrible.” Yaz fiddles with her thumbs. “They’re not toys, they’re human kids.”

“You can continue to foster once you’ve adopted you know.” Jenny takes Yaz’s hand. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We have the space." Jenny confirms her contentment with the idea. “If you want though, one kid might end up being a handful enough.”

“You’re just traumatized from the twins.” Yaz smiles, sleepily. 

“And I didn’t even birth them. God, how they cried.” Jenny muffles her complaints into Yaz’s shoulder.

“I get it Jen, you don’t want anymore babies in the house.” Yaz chuckles, hugging Jenny tight and in a position they can comfortably fall asleep together in. An ounce of silence passes between them before Jenny speaks again.

“Unless it’s a puppy.”

“You’re not getting a puppy.”

“Okay, love you.”

_“Can you use your flex day today?”_ Is the first thing Jenny says when Yaz picks up the phone.

“Not… really, how important is it?” Yaz asks. She still hasn’t got it through to Jenny that her role at work doesn’t actually allow her to have ‘flex days’.

 _“Can you say it’s a family emergency?”_ Jenny requests.

“Why? Is it mum? Is mum okay? Or Sonya? Or dad? Aliya? Is it the cats?” Yaz starts to panic.

_“Chill out. I got an email from one of the care workers at the home, I think they have someone for us.”_

“Who?” Yaz becomes intrigued.

_“All I know is she’s four and they think we’re right for her. They want us to visit as soon as we can.”_

“I’ll make sure I’m home by six, then we can go.” Yaz says. It’s exciting news but not enough for her to lie to her superiors. 

_“You promise.”_

“Yes I promise.” Yaz rolls her eyes.

_“I’ll tell them. Stay safe fighting crime.”_

“I will.” Yaz keeps her smile secret as she says her half of their coded ‘I love you’ when they’re at work. “Stay safe teaching teenagers.”

_“I will.”_

For some reason six rolls around quicker than Yaz expects it to. Maybe she’s excited. Perhaps she’s too busy thinking about what this kid is like? Is she cute, is she quiet, is she mysterious, is she white, is she bratty, is she loud? Just a few of the questions that have run through her mind this afternoon and continue to litter her thoughts as she sits in this office being told about this kid they believe is ‘suitable’ for the two of them.

"She's very quiet and she doesn't really trust people so we might need a week's worth of visiting days before she decides whether she likes you." The aging social worker explains to them. She said some other things too before that but Yaz zoned out, trusting that Jenny would take on the information instead.

"Understandable." Jenny nods.

"How will we know if she likes us?" Yaz asks.

“She carries around a little teddy bear. If she gives it to you to play with then you’ve got her trust.” 

“And that takes a week's worth of visiting days?” Jenny asks, realising at the same time Yaz does that this is probably going to be harder than they initially assumed.

“If you’re lucky.” The social worker pouts. “You know where the games room is, she might be there. Let her come to you.” 

“We know the drill.” Yaz says as they stand.

“Of course. But she’s still new. I think the sooner she gets out of here the better for her wellbeing.” With a nod, Yaz and Jenny are escorted out of the office and led down the hall.

Aside from the kitchen, the playroom is the biggest well lit room in the entire care home. There’s a couple of older kids playing table tennis over a broken net and there’s a shelf full of games and a couple of sofas and a table but that’s about it. Over in a corner there’s a dark haired child sitting whispering to the teddy bear in her hands. Jenny squeezes Yaz’s hand and they say hi to the two older girls so as to make themselves not stick out as much as scary new people. Then they sit on one of the sofas just about in the girls eyeline but not too close she feels trapped. She sees them, analyses them silently, then timidly walks towards them to investigate.

“Hello.” Yaz says softly.

“What’s your name?” Jenny asks. The young girl in front of them stays silent, only her big blue eyes giving anything away.

“You don’t have to tell us anything, it’s okay. I'm Yaz and this is Jenny.” Yaz introduces them, changing her tact to yes or no answer questions. She gets stared at inquisitively, like Jenny doesn’t even exist. “Do you like it here?” 

She shakes her head, her eyes completely and utterly locked on Yaz. 

“I’m going to go and play that space puzzle.” Jenny excuses herself seeing that Yaz is getting further than she is.

“Do you like playing puzzles?” Yaz asks.

She nods, a little smile growing on her face. It’s cute. She’s cute.

“Jenny likes puzzles too. Not always jigsaw puzzles but she likes them. And the fact it’s space themed? Double bonus.”

While Yaz rambles the four year old clambers up to sit next to her, just where Jenny was.

“Do you like anything else?” Yaz asks. If this kid doesn’t give any answer Yaz is happy that she’s managed to get a few things out of her in a matter of minutes. There’s no verbal answer given, but Yaz notices the sudden attention burst being given to the teddy in her arms. “What’s his name?”

“Cameron.” Her voice is as light and delicate as a feather but Yaz for certain hears it. So does Jenny, if the slight angle her face turning away from the puzzle she’s working on is anything to go by.

“That’s a cool name.” Yaz tries not to grin. She grins anyway.

“I like that name.” The little voice comes out of her mouth again.

Too happy to think of anything else on the spot, Yaz sits comfortably next to the young kid she’s never met before now, stopping while she’s ahead. In order to not overload the young mind Yaz keeps her focus on Jenny who has one hand holding a puzzle piece and one hand holding the frames of her glasses so that they don’t slip off the tip of her nose. She looks old. Not _old_ old but older. Older than when they met. Thirty-seven is a lot more mature than twenty-three but with Jenny it’s more in the body than in the mind. She lost her baby face but is still the babiest in this room. 

Without warning, Yaz feels small hands place a bear shaped object in her lap for her to hold as the equally small body jumps down from next to Yaz. Yaz assumes she’s going to reclaim the teddy the second her feet hit the floor but she doesn’t. Instead she cautiously waddles over to where Jenny is, leaving Yaz to hold onto Cameron the bear. _If she gives it to you to play with then you’ve got her trust,_ that’s what they were told. Yaz looks back up to see Jenny looking at her and her new stuffed companion in shock. Pure, legitimate shock. Within that shock grows a smile and a warm but burning feeling in her chest that this could be _exactly_ what they’ve been waiting and hoping for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these idiots self isolating fic coming up


	4. three peas in a very small pod (part one) (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the quarantine fic we all saw coming. Cameron's 8 and has been with Jenny and Yaz for four years, Jenny is still working and Yaz is struggling to keep control of the both of them as she is the one with the designated household braincell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UM so I know lots of people use fic to escape the real world but I couldn't resist putting these idiots in the same situation since jedigeekgirl mentioned it. this part is a bit angsty with both their histories of mental health but the next part will be soft I swear. the reason it's in parts? my brain won't stop coming up with ideas and it's really long. this one's 8.8k okay BYE

Yaz slugs her way up to her front door, already undoing the top two buttons of her shirt to enter into home mode. The pandemic lockdown has only been around for two weeks but the force is already being pushed to its limits and this is her second fourteen hour shift in a row. Too many idiots still going out, still going to see friends, so many groups she’s had to break up. It’s dull and stressful, especially since she’s very aware she’s coming home to her wife and kid. As every day goes by she’s becoming more and more paranoid that she’s going to come home and infect her family.

It’s about two in the afternoon and Yaz knows Jenny is probably going to be in the study now, either planning a virtual lesson or marking some worksheets to email out. She can tell, because the cats are nowhere to be seen upon her arrival, therefore they’re both hanging out under Jenny’s desk. So, she heads straight for there and sure enough sees her wife hunched over making notes in front of her computer. She snakes her arm across her collarbones, her back to Jenny’s laptop so she can’t ignore her by getting distracted.

“Hello- mnph!” Yaz kisses Jenny comfortably slow. It never fails to help wind her down and enter the mindset that she’s home. She can relax now. Jenny pushes Yaz’s shoulders gently, but with enough force for her to pull back. “Yaz.”

“Hm?” Yaz hums, pushing their foreheads together. Just so she can have those few extra moments together before they’re both ‘mum’ again.

“There are twenty three fifteen to sixteen year olds watching me right now.” Jenny reveals, wide eyed and a little bit panicked.

“I’m so tired I don’t even care.” Yaz responds not even giving it a second thought when she plants a kiss on the top of her head. 

“How was work?” Jenny asks, letting her hand sit comfortably on her back. 

“Got called a paki again for telling some kids to move on.” Yaz admits. It was a bit worse than just name calling but she keeps those details at work. If she told Jenny everything she faces day by day she’ll never hear the end of it. From the look on her face Jenny knows Yaz is hiding things, but Yaz really won’t be persuaded. 

“Yaz-”

“Mummy!”

“Hey Cam.” Yaz manages to catch him just as Cameron attaches himself to her thigh. Yaz hasn’t seen him properly for the past few days and the guilt eats her up, but right now it’s hard to put the enthusiasm into her voice. To make up for her tone she runs her hands through that long jet black hair.

“Can I show you the painting I did today?” Cameron asks, practically jumping up and down with excitement that Yaz is home. 

“Mum might need a rest Cameron. Why don’t you let her get changed first?” Jenny jumps in to save her. 

“But I want to show her now!” Cam moans, almost lifting his foot to stomp in a tantrum.

“Hey! Let your mum get dressed and you can sit on my lap and help me while you wait. Deal?”

“Can I have a custard cream?” Cameron switches on the puppy dog eyes sure to pull at the heartstrings.

“You are definitely my kid, hop up.” Jenny slaps her knee. “We’ve got to be quiet though because they’re doing a test.”

“I’ll be good.” Cameron lifts himself up and curls into Jenny.

“I know you will.” Jenny kisses his forehead. “I’m turning my microphone back on again now.”

Yaz makes her exit then, undoing another button of her shirt every other step. She knows she seriously should use this time to nap but her family is downstairs and this is the first time in ages she has the chance to spend a proper chunk of time with them. So, she forces herself to stay awake, not even daring to look at her bed or the comfy clothes she could change into, instead choosing jeans and a button up shirt. Perfectly uncomfortable. Yaz avoids looking at any mirrors she passes as well, knowing all too well that if she saw herself she wouldn’t recognise the woman in the reflection. Tired, weary and old. Yaz takes herself back to Cameron and makes her best effort to pay attention through the afternoon, oblivious to all the concerned looks Jenny’s throwing in her direction, hitting her at every angle. To push herself even further Yaz takes it upon herself to make spaghetti and meatballs for Cameron's dinner. The second she starts cleaning up while Cam is eating, Jenny swoops in next to her.

“You’re tiring yourself out.” Jenny states.

“I’m an essential worker Jenny, I can’t just take time off work because I want to.” Yaz tries not to look at her wife. Looking at her means giving in.

“You need to and you have every right to isolate at home.”

“It’s my duty-”

“And it’s my duty to stop you before you burn out. Don’t think I don’t notice you getting more and more stressed out when you come home.” Jenny lowers her voice even further to a hushed whisper. “Increased mood swings, lack of a sex drive, paranoia, struggling to get up in the morning. You can be signed off with depression.”

“I’m not depressed about this.” Yaz insists.

“Are you sure? Because your job is demanding at the best of times and now there’s a pandemic.”

“Are you whispering about me?” Cameron spins around in his chair away from his food so that he can settle her suspicion.

“No baby-”

“Cam, do you think mum should stop going to work and stay at home with us instead?” Jenny interrupts. She’s so sure of Cam’s answers she’s folding her arms across her chest and smiling preemptively.

“Yeah!” Cameron’s face lights up at the idea.

Jenny’s mannerisms turn smug and she sighs at Yaz, shrugging, knowing they’ve managed to gang up on her successfully. “You’re evil if you say no.” She chucks a whole slice of garlic bread in her mouth and saunters away. 

Yaz washes and irons her work uniform, kicks a football around the garden with Cameron, subsequently has to bathe Cameron since he insists on giving his knees grass stains every time he scores. She then gets him ready for bed, succumbs to him asking for a quick story, makes her dinner with Jenny, sits down, eats it, and is just about to slump down on the sofa when Jenny takes both her hands.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Jenny smiles wickedly and pulls on her hands. 

“What surprise?” Yaz asks. 

“Come on.” Jenny tries to drag her towards the staircase. 

“Jen-”

“Come on…”

Jenny succeeds in getting Yaz to follow her upstairs. The whole time Yaz is coming up with excuses she can use if this surprise turns out to be sex themed, but instead of stopping at their bed Jenny continues on to their en suit bathroom. A sacred place where neither cats nor children are allowed; mainly so they can pee in peace but also to hide if they need a quiet second alone. Except it’s not the normal mess it’s usually in. It’s lit by candles only, the bathtub is steaming and almost overflowing with bubbles and Jenny has to run to turn off the taps. 

“This is cute Jen but I’d rather spend time with you.” Yaz says. 

“Okay then.” Jenny pulls her tops off by pinching the collar and the back and ruffling her hair as she tugs it over her head.

“What are you doing?” Yaz laughs, catching Jenny’s clothes as she takes them off in no specific order.

“You want time with me. I want you to have a bath and relax. I’m getting in with you.” Jenny continues to evolve into a state of undress. 

“There’s no stopping you, is there.” Yaz smiles, defeated.

“Nope.” Jenny politely smiles, hopping on one foot to get the opposite sock off. “Get your kit off.” 

Thanks to her head start Jenny gets in first and Yaz follows, under instruction not to sit facing Jenny (although she wouldn’t be able to see over the bubbles anyway) but in fact to sit with her back to her. She understands why when Jenny’s arms swim around her middle and pull her in close, the water melting them into one body. Yaz leans into it, resting her head against Jenny’s shoulder like she’s a feather pillow. As Yaz settles herself, letting her muscles and her mind unwind, Jenny makes an effort to press long kisses against her shoulder and her cheek, finally resting on her temple. 

“Good surprise?” Jenny whispers, her breath somehow the same temperature of the water against her skin.

“Good surprise.” Yaz nods, putting all of her body weight on Jenny who is more than capable of holding her. 

“Did Cam get off to sleep okay?” Jenny asks.

“Yeah he’s fine. I still worry about him.”

“That was a yes or no question and this is Yaz and Jenny time.” Jenny presses her face into the side of Yaz’s head behind her ear.

“He's just turned eight years old and wants to be a boy.” Yaz says.

“He _is_ a boy and even if he decides differently when he grows up all we can do is support him.”

“I know Jen, I’m not invalidating him. I’m not even worried about _him_ , it’s more the people that’ll make fun of him.” Yaz clarifies.

“What, all the classmates he’s not seeing?” Jenny says into her shoulder, nuzzling the crook of her neck until it tickles.

“You’re right, we should stop talking about this.” Yaz stops the conversation before Jenny can get smart about it.

“No pandemic talk in the bath.” Jenny rests her chin on Yaz’s shoulder but with her head turned to look at Yaz’s face. “My students had lots of questions about you.”

“Really? Why?” Yaz lets out her inner child and scoops some of the mountain of bubbles towards the two of them.

“Maybe because you kissed me in front of them. That might help actually, more people might turn up next time.”

Yaz pauses, having to think about what she’s done whilst she’s been home from work but the memory comes back soon enough. “Oh yeah, I did do that.”

Jenny hooks a finger under Yaz’s jaw, turning her face around with such delicate force. “How tired are you?” Jenny asks. 

“I could sleep in here.” Yaz turns her head back so that Jenny can’t continue her evaluation and see the size of the bags under her eyes. 

“You can if you like.” Jenny suggests.

“I know you want to make a beard out of these bubbles, I wouldn’t deprive you of that.” Yaz grins at the mere thought. She’ll probably end up making a hat as well.

“I don’t want to if it means you get some sleep.”

Yaz feels her face as well as her heart sink, twisting her torso around and craning her neck to look at Jenny. She’s serious, really _super_ serious despite how pink her skin is from the heat of the water. Jenny never wants to miss out on fun bath time activities, that’s why she’s always home in time to put Cameron to bed. “You’re really worried about me.” Yaz says at the same time she comes to the realisation.

“Can you blame me?” Jenny shrugs and speaks softly; the kind of behaviour that lifts Yaz’s hand out of the water and makes her cup her cheek.

“No.” Yaz shakes her head lightly. Love for her wife possesses her nervous system and her head floats forward with the intention to kiss her.

“Don’t you dare start kissing me to run away from this subject. Yaz- no- Yaz don’t- Yaz-seriously- god I hate you.” 

The water splashes as Yaz spins herself around fully and Jenny tries to back up but she’s already against the end of the bath and she can’t escape from Yaz’s affections. Yaz feels Jenny’s arms continue to hold onto her waist as they kiss. Yaz doesn’t push it into anything more and Jenny doesn’t make any kind of effort to encourage her. The only indication that she’s actually into it being her hands sliding smoothly up and down her sides. 

“I’ll take time off work.” Yaz mumbles against Jenny’s lips. Jenny makes a noise of approval. “For you. And Cam.” 

“I want you to do it for yourself.” Jenny says. 

“I am doing it for myself.” Yaz scoops some bubbles up in her palms and applies them to Jenny’s face, not forgetting her top lip to make a fancy mustache. “You’re everything that will make me feel better.”

“Gay.” Jenny snorts. 

“Clown.” Yaz leans in again, blowing away some bubbles with air from her nose that make the two of them giggle and smash teeth- eventually making them give up with Yaz settling back down between Jenny’s legs so she can continue to be embraced as she bathes.

“Pass me more bubbles, you ruined my tash.” 

Yaz does as Jenny requests and remarkably feels more relaxed than she did before she agreed to take time off. There’s still the lurking issue of actually calling in and explaining that she’s struggling with it mentally but that’s an issue for tomorrow. She’s just glad this conversation happened today when tomorrow is her first day off in weeks. She has time to sort it out.

The blissful thoughts that Jenny trickles into her head through bubbles and whispers, alongside the feeling of her arms around her stomach and her hands tracing over faded scars, is painfully interrupted by a shrill shriek. Cameron's room is a considerable distance away, but it’s like he’s screaming from the other side of the wall.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” Jenny jumps into action like it’s a regular occurrence.

“Why does he sound like that?” Yaz asks with way more concern as Jenny casually gets herself out, drying her legs so she can put her trousers back on.

“He keeps having nightmares about the shops running out of food and losing us in the panic.” Jenny wraps the towel around the top half of her body quickly before whipping on her top. It’s back to front but Cameron isn’t letting up so it’s not like she’s going to faff about.

“Why don’t I know about this?” Yaz asks, sitting herself up.

“Because you haven’t been home when they happen.” Jenny puts the towel back up to dry out. “Don’t look like that, I tell him ‘mummy’s out at work making sure that won’t happen’ and he goes back to sleep straight away.”

“And now I’m home-”

“- Still protecting us. Stay in the bath.” Jenny orders. 

Yaz waits for Jenny to be gone for thirty seconds before she gets out of the bath. She doesn’t want to stay in there if Jenny’s not with her. She’s the one that made it bearable. Yaz gets dressed as quickly as she can so that she can be on hand if Jenny needs her but just as she’s ready to step out into the hallway, Jenny is back, seemingly having dealt with the situation perfectly. 

“That was quick.” Yaz shows her surprise and Jenny is quick to shrug it off. 

“Like I said, just reminded him we’re- why aren’t you in the bath?” She pouts disapprovingly.

“I don’t like how normal this situation is.” Yaz continues to air her worries which, quite honestly, are way more important than her sitting in a tub of luke-warm water.

“I reckon it’ll get better now you’ve said you’ll stay home.” 

Jenny begins to undress again, putting on clothes that will be more comfortable to sleep in while Yaz feels her feet walking her backwards until her body hits the side of the bed. Her kid has been having intense nightmares and she didn’t even know about them until now. She can understand why Jenny kept it from her in the first place- to stop her from feeling guilty going to work- and she’s probably only told her now that she’s agreed to stay at home. So that she feels like she’s helping, but it doesn’t erase the guilt already sitting in her stomach. 

“It’s my fault.” Yaz sits herself down, trying to keep her chin up.

“No it isn’t.” Jenny sits herself next to her, not leaving a single slither of a gap between them. Yaz likes it. Tonight she’s had more contact with her than she has in weeks and she welcomes the arm around her shoulder warmly. “It’s no one's fault. It’s that virus's fault. Weeding itself into every aspect of our lives.” 

“Can we watch a movie?” Yaz asks, feeling safe and comfortable and under far less stress with Jenny next to her full of reassuring words.

“Will you fall asleep?” Jenny asks straight away.

“No!” Yaz insists. Jenny gives her a questioning glare. “I will not fall asleep!” 

Yaz manages five minutes of struggling to keep her eyes open then falls asleep resting her head on Jenny’s shoulder.

The next day Yaz’s body wakes her up at six as normal, or at least normal when she mainly did day shifts. The country’s only been in lockdown for a couple of weeks but it feels like more. Like at Christmas, but worse. Sometimes she’ll work out before she goes on shift and today, even though it’s her day off, is no different. Springtime means the sun rises earlier and although it doesn’t hit their garden until early afternoon Yaz takes herself outside to work up a sweat and get some blood pumping around her body. She’s doing some one armed push ups to finish up when she hears the spoon hitting the cereal bowl above her. She looks over her shoulder to be sure, but she could have guessed it was Jenny standing there in her boxers and an oversized blue shirt.

“What’s up?” Yaz smiles, continuing to finish her reps on the other arm.

“Enjoying the view.” Jenny shrugs with her eyes flicking leisurely between Yaz’s arms and her bum.

Yaz jumps up from the floor flawlessly and strides over to her sleepy looking wife ready to take her into her arms. “You know you can ask to see the view whenever you want.” 

“I wouldn’t want to take advantage of your natural resources.”

“What if I want you to?” Yaz tilts her head and suggestively raises her eyebrows. 

“I- um- well- I-” Jenny trips and falls over the sounds coming out of her mouth. Usually Yaz kisses her to help her out when this happens, but the brown smudge on the corner of her mouth takes her interest. She wets her finger, wipes the mark away and tastes it, leading her to look at Jenny with disappointment. 

“Are you eating Cameron’s coco pops again?” Yaz asks for confirmation of what her tongue is telling her. 

“I’m isolating, I can do and eat what I want.” Jenny holds her bowl close to her chest like a child expecting their parent to take away a sweet they stole from the cupboard.

“Yeah you can.” Yaz mutters. Jenny’s cheeks and the base of her neck blush a deep red like she’s sat in the sun far too long. Yaz finds it adorable that she can still make Jenny squirm like this. “C’mere.” 

She pulls Jenny into a kiss that is meant to be a sweet ‘good morning’ but Yaz soon realises the tormenting and blatant flaunting of her strength has woken Jenny up downstairs and upstairs alike.

“How long until you have to wake Cam up?” Yaz asks the second she’s able to catch a break.

“About five minutes.” Jenny says. Her voice also says ‘we don’t have time’ but to say that out loud would be assuming what Yaz is thinking. Even though she would be right. 

“Later?” Yaz suggests, knowing they won’t be able to do everything they want in that given amount of time. 

“Later.” Jenny agrees. Yaz knows she’s trying not to smile as much as she actually wants to. “I look forward to it.” 

“So what happens when I’m not here? What do I do?” Yaz asks, eager to move on. 

“How good are you with primary school level maths?” Jenny slurps the leftover milk from her bowl. No doubt giving herself a milky moustache.

Yaz scoffs, unable to remember the last time she did a maths equation successfully. “Not gonna happen.” 

* * *

“Jesus fuck!”

“It’s okay Jenny!” Yaz springs into action the second Jenny wakes up for her nightmare. She was asleep too, but recently Jenny has been plagued with bad dreams and Yaz has kept herself in a state of light sleep for when Jenny needs her.

“Fucking fuck mother f-”

“Stop, stop- stop swearing it’s okay.” Yaz wrestles Jenny’s hand away from whacking her forehead. Jenny holds on with a deathgrip that is sure to slow down blood supply to both their hands. Her palms are wet with sweat and her body is probably the same. That’s new.

“It’s getting worse.” Jenny weeps into Yaz’s chest.

“I know baby, just calm down for a second.” Yaz strokes her hair and holds Jenny’s head close to her body for that weight of comfort.

The first few days Yaz was home everything seemed fine. Bearable even, given the circumstances. But that was three weeks ago and now the cracks are beginning to grow and develop- pushing through to the surface. Especially for Cameron and Jenny, who have a good two week head start on staying at home.

Eventually, Jenny’s grip on her hand loosens and she rolls away from Yaz’s body to lay flat out on her back, staring up at the ceiling like she’s not really there. Yaz continues to give her a considerable amount of space but keeps herself in Jenny’s vision.

“What was it about this time?” Yaz asks gently.

“I don't-”

“I know you don’t like talking about it but you know you need to.” Yaz anticipates Jenny’s hesitation to tell her and tries to comfort her before it happens.

“Your body was so cold.” Jenny mutters.

Yaz can’t help but sigh. She’s been dead in her dreams a few times now. She takes the hand wrapped in her fingers and holds it against her cheek.

“I’m warm. See? This is real and I’m warm and alive.” Yaz reminds her. It settles Jenny for a precious moment and Yaz thinks it’s safe to let go of her hand. However the second she lets go Jenny’s eyes blow up with fear. 

“Cameron-” 

“He’s fine. He’s sleeping, you don’t want to wake him.” Yaz has to physically restrain Jenny from getting up, holding her down by her shoulders. Jenny stills instantly, her pupils blown wide and a dangerous look on her face that Yaz knows means trouble.

“Do that again.” Jenny lifts her head trying to kiss Yaz. Yaz persists to push her down by her chest.

“What?” Yaz finds herself getting more and more lost by the second

“Be rough with me.” Jenny’s shuffles to spread her legs then cross them behind Yaz’s back, trapping her in. 

“Jenny I wasn’t-”

“Please Yaz.”

“You’re worrying me.” Yaz refuses to give in to her requests.

“Make me come a couple of times first.” Jenny balls part of Yaz’s top in her fist, keeping her pulled close. There’s a disconcerting look in her eyes that makes Yaz feel like she’s with anyone but the woman she married. “I’m begging you just-” 

“No, Jenny.” Yaz point blank denies. 

There’s a second where Yaz thinks she’s won. Jenny untangles herself from Yaz’s frame and lays there, obviously considering whatever the hell is running through her mind.

“I’m going for a run then.” Jenny concludes, springing out of bed and over to the dresser where their clothes are kept.

“It’s not even six in the morning yet.” Yaz follows her. She can’t let Jenny out of the house like this, she just can’t.

“I won’t come into contact with anyone.” Jenny reasons.

“Jenny, what happened in that dream?” Yaz approaches her carefully.

“Nothing.” Jenny snaps, rummaging for her running gear.

“Jenny.”

“I just need some space. I’ll be back before Cam wakes up, I promise.”

“Jenny this is-” _some kind of psychotic behaviour. I’m worried. I don’t know what to do. How do I keep you home?_ “...come back to bed, you can run after breakfast.”

“No, I’m-” Jenny is silenced by Yaz’s hand sliding down the front of her boxers. 

“Come back to bed.” Yaz leans to whisper directly onto Jenny’s earlobe. If sex is what it takes to keep Jenny in the house for her own saftey Yaz is willing to at least try it. Maybe it’ll clear her mind or perhaps confuse it even more leaving her with no choice but to stay in bed a bit longer while her thoughts are so muffled. Yaz can’t have her going out alone with her moods switching so rapidly. 

The trick works and Jenny lays herself down dragging Yaz on top of her. It doesn’t really sit right with Yaz; ‘it’ being the entire situation. The way Jenny doesn’t really kiss her, just clings onto her clothes, and the way she still has that unidentified look lingering behind her eyes. Her concerns however, disappear as normal behaviours return. The quicker Yaz moves her fingers the more Jenny kisses her back, groaning in between breaths and letting her hands grip and scratch and dance along Yaz’s spine.

“Hurt me.” Jenny begs through a whisper and the illusion of normalcy is shattered for Yaz. 

She refuses, of course. If Jenny had discussed it before and they had a plan or at least some kind of safe word then sure, Yaz would hurt her however she wished. But they hadn’t, so Yaz stops.

“Jenny I can’t.” Yaz says. “Not when you’re...like…”

“Please, please I just-”

“No. Think about what’s happening here.” She prys away the grip on her shirt finger by finger. “Talk to me Jenny.” Yaz asks of the woman under her with her mouth and every inch of her face that can move. 

“I’m sorry.” Jenny’s voice cracks, her hands cradling Yaz’s face like she’s fragile and could crumble before her at any second. “I’m really really sorry.”

“For what Jenny?”

“Making you… I’m just…” Jenny starts to cry, using one of her hands to hide her face. The last time she cried was on their wedding day. Even then it was a totally different kind of crying compared to whatever this is. That was happy. This is undeniably... sad. 

“Please tell me.” Yaz whispers. It’s her turn to beg, not for sex, not to be hurt but to be the receiver of honesty and openness. “There’s something wrong, I know there is.”

“I hate this fucking virus.” She uses her arms to cover her eyes, hiding herself away from view. 

Yaz is lost to what on Earth she can do to help. The only thing she can do is be there. Remind Jenny that neither of them are dead. Stroke sweat clad strands of hair out of her eyes. Listen to her cry herself back to sleep. So disturbed by the whirlwind of emotions that have just been displayed for her to witness Yaz doesn’t think she herself will be able to sleep again tonight. But then she does, and is only woken again hours later by someone poking her arm. Opening her eyes she sees that it’s Cameron, not Jenny, accompanied by Cameron junior (the teddy bear) in his arms. 

“Where’s mummy gone?” Cameron asks. 

Yaz frowns but rolls herself over to check on Jenny before Cameron can see her concern. Jenny isn’t there. Over by the dresser, her running shoes have disappeared as well.

“Do you know if she’s downstairs?” Yaz turns back to her detective of a son. 

“Her car is gone.” Cameron adds. Yaz begins to think the sportswear being gone is a ruse. 

“She’ll be back soon.” _I hope,_ she thinks; praying that the dread in her heart will settle so that Cameron can’t see it. Yaz pats the absent Jenny shaped space next to her. “Hop up mate.”

“I don’t want to do anymore school work. It’s boring.” Cameron grumbles crawling over his mother to sit in the place of his absent one.

“I bet you we can find a way to make it fun.” Yaz sits herself up, noticing something wrong with Cameron’s appearance. “Cam, do you know your shirt is inside out?”

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Want me to fix it?” Yaz offers.

“No.” Cameron leans away from her like she’s poisonous. 

“Why not?”

“So we can save on cleaning so that we don’t run out of washing powder.” Cameron explains his reasoning.

“That’s sweet Cam but you don’t have to do that. We’re not going to run out.” Yaz smiles to hide the fact that she’s horrified Cam feels like he has to do that.

“I won’t play in the garden if that helps.” He says. It makes Yaz’s heart crack even more fragments in her chest. 

“You can play in the garden and get as messy as you want Cam. Don’t worry about us, we’re meant to be looking after you and we’re going to be _fine_.” Yaz runs her hands through his hair. She can tell he’s brushed it himself because there are some patches that still have knots in them. 

“Mum.” Cameron asks in his ‘I’m about to ask for something I know I can’t have’ voice.

“Yes Cameron.” 

“When can my friends come round?” He asks. 

“Not yet buddy. I’m sorry. We can call Nani later if you want?” Yaz offers up an alternative.

“I don’t want to do that today.”

“What _do_ you want to do today then?” Yaz asks to scoot around the fact Jenny’s missing.

“You know how you cut mum’s hair.” Cameron uses that ‘testing the waters’ voice again.

“Yeah?” 

“Can you cut mine?” He asks softly. Nervously.

“‘Course I can.” Yaz answers just as softly. “What kind of haircut do you want, just a trim? A bob like mum used to have? A fringe?”

“Am I allowed a boy’s haircut?” Cameron whispers. Yaz grins at the fact he’s confident to even ask, even if it is only an utterance. 

“Whatever you want Cam.” Yaz whispers back.

Yaz sends Cameron off to correct his shirt by himself so that she can get dressed and have breakfast. They’ve only just started trusting him to brush his own teeth, so Yaz pretends to breathalyze him to check and then sets him to his homework with the reward of her cutting his hair to work towards. She leaves him to do it himself so that she can watch several hairdressing tutorials and finds Ryan’s clippers that he left here last time they stayed over.

“Ry.” Yaz says once Ryan picks up his phone. The tutorials haven’t boosted her confidence in her abilities at all and she wants to ask to use his stuff in the first place anyway.

 _“Hey sis.”_ Ryan says. It sounds like he’s eating.

“I’ve already asked you not to call me that.” Yaz rolls her eyes. 

_“Yeah but it’s funny watching you squirm. Or listen to you squirm. Whatever, it’s funny. What’s up?”_

“Can I use those hair clippers you left here?” Yaz asks. 

_“Depends what you’re shaving.”_

“Cam wants a ‘boy’ haircut.” Yaz ignores the implications of his comment.

_“Yeah that’s what they’re for. Is that Jenny’s idea?”_

“No, he asked me. I might not even use them.” Yaz looks over to make sure Cameron is still working. He is, and Yaz takes the opportunity to slip away so she can talk openly to her best friend. “Jenny had a bad night last night.”

 _“How bad?”_ Ryan asks, naturally. Yaz feels the need to double check again that Cameron isn’t listening. He doesn’t need to hear any of it, if anything he needs to be protected from it.

“Shaking, sweating, swearing, hitting her head, tried to get to me to have sex and hurt her during it.” Yaz subconsciously twists her wedding ring around the base of her finger. She’s seen Jenny bad before and she knows how to deal with it- with her- but it’s been so long since she got this bad it’s like she’s lost her footing with it.

_“Dude…”_

“And she’s been gone all morning.” Yaz sighs to top it all off.

_“That’s not good.”_

“I know it’s not but what can I do.” Yaz hides her head in her free hand.

_“Have you called her or text her or anything?”_

“I’m just giving her space this morning. If it gets to afternoon and she’s not back I’ll try her phone.”

“Mum, I’m finished, can we do it now?” Cameron comes over to find her, holding his exercise book open for her to see. 

“You have to ask your uncle first, okay?” Yaz puts the phone on speaker and holds it between the two of them.

“Hi uncle Ryan!” Cameron beams at the unexpected phone call. Yaz takes his book away from him to check he has actually done what he’s been expected to do.

“ _Hey my guy! Would you like to use my clippers, yeah?”_ Ryan asks. 

“Yes please.”

_“Since you’re so polite your mum can use them on you but you have to send me a picture afterwards. Deal?”_

“Okay!”

 _“Cool! Yaz put me back so it’s just me and you again.”_ Yaz does so, shooing Cameron away to put his work in the appropriate folder. _“Do you even know how to use them?”_

“No clue but I’ve watched about three tutorials.” Yaz admits. 

_“Hm. Yeah. I’m definitely going to need a before and after shot.”_

“Arsehole.” Yaz huffs.

_“Just don’t chop his head off, you’ll be fine.”_

“Thanks, really helpful.”

_“Yaz.”_

“Hm.”

_“Stop worrying about Jenny, she always comes out of stuff like this.”_

“I’m not worrying about-” Ryan hangs up before Yaz can finish. Cameron comes running up to her knowing the call is over bouncing like a human pogo stick. “Come on then.” 

To make it fun and prevent any potential future trauma, Yaz sets up a chair and makes a gown out of a spare bed sheet and talks to him like he’s a customer in a barbershop. If Jenny were here she would probably call her out as a procrastinator but she isn’t and it makes Cameron more comfortable so she indulges in the act. She starts by cutting his hair so that it’s short, double checks that he does in fact want a short back and sides, and sets herself to work. 

At first she thinks the sound of a door shutting is on the cartoon Cameron’s watching but the footsteps undoubtedly come from the hallway and they are most certainly Jenny’s. Yaz continues like it’s nothing to make sure Cameron doesn’t get spooked or worried about how angry Yaz is. 

“Sup fam!” Jenny wanders in like it’s nothing. “Oooh what’s going on here?”

“Mum!”

“Sit still Cam.” Yaz warns as she’s still working on his head of hair. 

“Hey.” Jenny tries to kiss her on the cheek to greet her but Yaz retreats and instead gives her a glare that says ‘where the hell did you go’. “I’m teaching my year twelves in a minute so I’ll be around later.”

“But you haven’t been here all day.” Cameron says. That’s the first time Jenny flinches and acknowledges that she won’t be forgiven that easily for disappearing without a word.

“I’ll only be an hour, I promise.” Jenny holds up her little finger and so does Cameron. They started doing that when the virus first came to the country because Cameron was so anxious about spreading germs.

Jenny disappears to her study, Yaz finishes cutting and styling Cam’s hair. Thankfully for her ego it’s really not that bad and she should have trusted her ability more. He looks cool and she didn’t cut the back and sides too short so that the bit on the top doesn’t stand out too much. He doesn’t quite reach the height of the mirror on the wall so Yaz lifts him up so he can see. The look on his face was worth all the teasing from Ryan. Yaz hasn’t seen him this happy since the day they adopted him. 

“Thanks mum.” Cameron hugs her around the waist. 

“Is that what you wanted?” Yaz asks, running her hands through the floppy bit on the top. 

“Yeah. I love it!” 

“Sweet. Want some lunch?” 

“Can I show mum first?” Cameron asks, only just staying still long enough for Yaz to take a picture. 

“Very very quickly, go.” Yaz sends him away with a tap on the shoulder.

She sends Ryan the before and after photos with a smug smile on her face. She’ll never get bored of proving him wrong, especially now that it gives her ‘cool aunt’ points if she does it in front of her nieces. 

“Mum!” Cameron’s shouting jolts her out of her own self indulgence. “Come and look.”

“At what Ca…” Yaz tails off at the sight of Jenny sitting at her desk with the undeniable features of the aftermath of a breakdown taking over her body.

“She’s staring into space again.” Cameron says.

Yaz kneels so that she’s at eye level with him. “Hey, Cam, remember last time she did this? How mum got a bit upset?”

“You made it okay.”

“I did. And I’m going to make it okay again now. Can you go and play in the garden or with the cats for a bit for me?” 

“Will she be okay?” He asks.

“She’ll be fine, I promise.” Yaz smiles to reassure him.

“Okay.” Cameron agrees and heads for the garden. Yaz blesses the stars for Cameron being such a good kid. 

Yaz approaches Jenny carefully and slowly hoping not to spook her, although their son did shout their shared name and she didn’t react at all. Her fist repeats balling up and then relaxing at what seem to be timed intervals. She has no evidence to back it up but Yaz decides that when her body is most tense is the best time to rest her hand on her wrist.

“Jenny?” Yaz whispers, ignoring the fact her earphone microphone is right next to her mouth and there are probably some teens watching. Thankfully, she feels the pattern break under her palm and with one more mention of her name Jenny snaps back into reality, landing her eyes on Yaz straight away.

“Hm?” She mumbles. Nothing about her is distant and there isn’t anything behind her eyes like this morning.

“Do you need a break?” Yaz asks with a firm stern look that she rarely has to use but she feels it’s appropriate just this once. 

“Maybe.” Jenny mutters under her breath. 

“Go upstairs.” 

“I can’t leave them.” Jenny protests, obviously talking about her students who sometimes, Yaz feels, she’s more dedicated to than her own family.

“Yes you can. I’ll be your cover teacher.” Yaz offers without thinking about the fact she knows nothing about science. Jenny hesitates. Yaz uses her work training to intimidate Jenny into doing as she says. A dirty trick to use, she knows, but right now she’ll do anything to get Jenny to look after herself. 

Jenny turns back to her webcam. “Guys this is Yaz and she’s just going to take over from me for today. I just need to quickly… go… look after our son.” She says, not even waiting to finish her sentence before getting up.

Yaz takes her place and the screen filled with about thirteen faces becomes littered with messages asking if Yaz is in fact the wife they’ve all heard about.

“I’m her wife. She’s not having the best time at the moment. Hasn’t slept much.” Yaz explains the real reason Jenny has had to run off. “Why are there so many of you?” She can’t help but ask. These kids aren’t even needing to take exams in the summer and yet it looks like there’s a whole class in front of her.

There’s a pause for the students to type out their answers and Yaz is astounded to see a majority of the answers being ‘we like Jenny’, ‘we actually learn from her’ and ‘she’s fun’. There isn’t a single negative thing popping up in front of her.

“If it means anything she loves teaching you all.” Yaz says, dipping her eyes down to the scribble of notes on the desk. Jenny’s handwriting is difficult to decode anyway but this is like a whole other language not worth any of her energy. “Listen, I know you love her but she can’t teach today. I’m sorry.” She apologises on Jenny’s behalf. 

Another pause for keyboards to rattle away. Another influx of positive messages telling Jenny ‘not to worry’, ‘get better soon’ and general well wishes. 

“I’ll get her to email the work or whatever but-” Yaz stops to read a message that catches her eye. ‘Jenny is an inspiration’. “Thank you. You’re all so sweet.”

‘She talks about you a lot’ is the next massage she spots.

“I dread to think.” Yaz taps her tiptoes on the floor nervously. “Don’t tell me, let it be her thing.” 

Cameron silently sneaks up on her with unlaced shoelaces, once again poking her arm for her undivided attention. 

“I thought you were helping mum.” He whines. 

“I am helpin-”

“Go and help her now!” Cameron begs. Yaz knows she should be cross at how he’s speaking to her but she can’t invalidate him when he’s clearly upset that Jenny’s not okay.

“Cameron I told you to leave me to do it, okay?” Yaz takes him by the shoulders so that he listens. “I have to sort out her work and then I’ll go and see her. I promise you I’m looking after her.”

“I’m not leaving until you go up there.” He folds his arms across his chest angrily. Yaz glances back to the screen and thankfully it’s blank. Everyone's left or they’ve turned off their webcams having read the situation. Yaz disconnects too and has to push Cameron to the side to make her way upstairs. 

Her hand reaches for the door handle but gets no further- stopped by her own emotions catching up with her body. She’s so tired of having to deal with it all. It’s like she’s mothering Jenny some days during this lockdown as well as Cameron. She loves her, she knows she’ll do anything for her, but sometimes she wishes it wasn’t that way. That the dynamics were more equal more of the time so that she doesn’t have to be strong for everyone at once.

Suddenly aware that Cameron is still watching her from a distance Yaz pushes herself to get this conversation over with and enters her bedroom, not without mouthing the instruction ‘outside’ at Cameron first. She doesn’t want him listening in.

Yaz spots Jenny laying on her bed staring up at the stick on glow in the dark stars like they’re the real thing. There are no thoughts behind her eyes, only blank slates of nothing. Yaz lays down next to her, taking one of her hands that are resting on her stomach to hold it. 

“What’s happening Jenny?” Yaz asks, trying to be as soothing as possible. 

Jenny stays quiet as she sits herself up and crosses her legs. Not wanting her to get up and leave Yaz shuffles around to mirror the way she’s sitting, not letting go of her hand once.

“I haven’t seen my therapist in over a month.” Jenny tells her.

“You said you were video calling.” Yaz tries to come across more as confused than disappointed. 

“I lied.” Jenny shrugs and sighs at the same time. “Other people need it more than me.”

“Clearly not.” 

“I know that now.” She admits. “Ask me. I know you’re avoiding it but just say it.”

Yaz hesitates. She always refrains from bringing herself into these situations. However under the circumstances she lets the question slip right out of her mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I know you’re struggling too, especially without work.” 

“Because I’m worried about you. I’m trying so hard to hold it together for you and Cam so I can be there when you wake up from nightmares and when he comes to me staying he won’t play outside if it means less washing and-”

“He said that?” Jenny’s grip on her hand loosens with mild shock.

“Yeah. First thing this morning after he asked me where you’d gone.”

Yaz watches Jenny try to digest that information. It’s probably the first time she’s properly considered that it’s not just Yaz who’s been affected by her oddly timed absence.

“I wish I had stayed.” Jenny mumbles.

“Where did you go?” Yaz asks.

“Just out.”

Yaz stops running her thumb over the back of Jenny’s hand as a thought occurs to her. It’s a bad thought, a very bad one that’s never cropped up before but it scares her. 

“Did you go to River?” Yaz can’t help but ask. Jenny looks up at her with hurt in her eyes.

“I didn’t cheat on you Yaz, I would never do that.” Jenny’s brow knots into a deep frown as she speaks.

“I did leave you…” Yaz sort of gestures towards her crotch and pulls an uncertain face with no idea how to finish her sentence. They both know what she means.

“I am really sorry Yaz. I shouldn’t have made you even start doing… that.” Jenny sincerely apologises. Yaz can tell she really is sorry by how her eyes can’t stay still.

“Make it up to me by getting in contact with your therapist again.” Yaz suggests. 

“I will.” Jenny agrees straight away.

Yaz finds herself smiling and unknowingly resting her other hand on Jenny’s knee. “Thank you.”

“Where did you send Cam?” Jenny asks.

“Outside to play. Where else can he go?” Yaz scoffs at her own rhetorical question. It’s not like she’s sent him down the shops or to the park to play with his mates. “I think I’m going mad in this house.”

“I think we all are.”

“I’m getting so paranoid I’m starting to believe you’re Cameron’s favourite.” Yaz only half jokes.

“Would it hurt you so much to just admit it?” Jenny smirks.

“Very much so.” Yaz catches herself starting to laugh and silences herself since the conversation isn’t over, according to the unresolved tension in the atmosphere. “Jenny I’m going to lose it if we don’t change how we’re living with this lockdown.”

“How so?” Jenny shimmies her butt closer, uncrossing her legs to extend them either side of Yaz.

“Cameron has his school work, you have your work but then what do I have? Nothing. I make lunch and I do shopping and I do the washing and I worry about my parents stuck at home with none of us around to help them.” 

“You’re a housewife.” Jenny grins.

“I don’t like it.” Yaz does anything but grin.

“You’re right though. You need something.” Jenny attempts to maintain the seriousness of the subject. It only lasts a matter of seconds. “Maybe a dog?” She suggests. 

“If you want a dog Jenny you can get a dog. It’ll just be your responsibility.” Yaz repeats what she’s been telling her for the past six months.

“Yes mum.” Jenny sarcastically agrees. 

“You seem to have changed completely from this morning.” Yaz notes. The woman in front of her now is almost back to the bubbly blonde she is and is nothing like the nightmare whirlwind of last night.

“Yeah?” Jenny acts surprised.

“Don’t pretend that dream didn’t send you into chaos.” Yaz takes both of Jenny’s hands as a defense mechanism. “What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jenny says. Yaz knows something is haunting her by the almost physical walls she can see being built up in front of her.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me but it clearly does matter.” Yaz lowers her face to make it seem to Jenny that she is completely submissive to her. Ready to listen, ready to learn, ready to help wherever needed. She’s not going to tell her she’s wrong or she shouldn’t be worried about something because that would just be mean.

“I’ve been researching the virus scientifically. Just as something to do. I guess it got into my head too much and you all died.” Jenny says.

“Me and Cam?” Yaz asks. She’s not quite sure what or who falls under the category of ‘you all’.

“And mum and dad and Ryan and Sonya and Aliya and Grace and Amy and Rory and Clara and Rose.”

It doesn’t take much for Yaz to see Jenny choke on her name and physically retreat into herself. Everyone else on that list is still alive and at risk while Rose is already six feet under. 

“Have you been thinking about her a lot recently?”

Jenny nods. “Don’t get jealous, she’s already dead.” She smiles and tries to joke around with how evidently upset she is but all it does for Yaz is deepen the problem. Jenny’s eyes well up when she knows her attitude is falling flat on Yaz and hangs her head between her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“I know I think about her a lot and she’s always in my head but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” Jenny says like she’s confessing to a crime. 

“I know Jen. Why do you think that?” Jenny just sniffles and shrugs in response. “You’re allowed to love us both, it’s okay.” Yaz reassures her. Everyone has a past and she’s not going to force Jenny to erase hers. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Yaz leans forward, taking Jenny’s face in her hands. “I love you too and we’ll get through this.”

With a precious feather-light touch Jenny attaches their lips together in a warm embrace. Nothing harsh like this morning. Nothing desperate or wanting, just a show of appreciation for each other. A show that Yaz is noticing isn’t being set to end anytime soon. She happily kisses her back, allows her tongue to slowly push past her lips, moves in pure harmony with her until they can’t breathe and have to start over again.

“Gross!” Cameron grimaces and Yaz moves away from Jenny faster than she ever has in her life.

“It’s fine Cam, she’s just kissing me better.” Jenny says. She’s always good with coming up with excuses.

“Can you kiss my knee better?” Cameron says, hobbling over to the side of the bed his parents are residing on. 

“Whoa! How did you do that man?” Jenny gasps as the full extent of his knee is revealed. It’s bleeding quite a bit since it’s fresh but in reality it’s just a nasty graze. 

“I tripped over the cat.” Cam explains. 

“Aw no that sucks.” Jenny pouts, picking Cameron up to sit him next to her. “I think you need more than a kiss better.”

“I’ll get the kit.” Yaz says, heading for under the sink in the bathroom where the family first aid kit is stored. 

“Are you okay now?” Yaz hears Cameron stage whisper to Jenny as she assesses him.

“I will be okay Cam. I was just being silly. To help me would you come on walks with me every day?” Jenny asks him. 

“That would be cool.” 

“Yeah?” Yaz can hear the smile on Jenny’s face and subsequently makes her smile while she reenters the room.

“Mum has to come too though.” Cameron says. 

“You want her to come?” Jenny points at Yaz, getting to her knees to start cleaning up the bad scratch. “Why? She’s smelly.”

“No she’s not.” Cameron giggles.

“Are you sure? I think she’s pretty smelly.” Jenny continues to tease. A welcome distraction for Yaz who has cleaned up most of the blood and is just about to use an antiseptic wipe.

“Yeah, she smells nice.” 

“Thank you Cameron.” Yaz acknowledges his compliment towards her.

“Hey I’m really digging this new hairstyle Cam.” Jenny says. “Mum did a really good job, huh.”

“Mum’s good at everything.” Cameron smiles. 

“Including fixing bad knees.” Yaz flattens down the last corner of the big plaster. It’ll fall off by tomorrow, or even tonight and Yaz would rather it air dry anyway but psychologically a plaster makes all the difference. She makes sure to quickly give it a kiss too for good measure. 

“Mum.” 

“Yes Cam.” Jenny and Yaz accidentally answer at the same time.

“Can I have-”

“Oh my god I haven’t made you lunch yet!” Yaz remembers her responsibilities. Maybe she isn’t so good at _everything_ just yet.


	5. three plus one for luck (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no summary for this, I just wanted to eat a girl out last night so bad and this is what came out my brain because I couldn't. I'm not sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

“Jenny?” The name automatically comes out of Yaz’s mouth the same way it always does when she can tell Jenny’s woken up from some kind of dream. The rain has been quite heavy the past few nights so it would make sense that her sleep has been light. Yaz has sort of been expecting it to happen. 

“I’m okay.” Jenny replies. The usual bog-standard reply. 

Yaz shuffles on her side towards her, propping herself up so she can comfort her the way she normally does. “Want to talk about-”

“Not a nightmare Yaz. More of a wet dream.” Jenny says, casually.

“R-really?” 

“I’m just really really horny.” Jenny tells her. It’s not intended as a provocative statement, just a fact.

“You… you are?” Yaz asks. It’s not really a surprise for her- the signs have been there for a couple of weeks now that Jenny’s been needing something more- but still the bluntness of her declaration throws her.

“I’m really gonna need you to lay back down.” Jenny takes advantage of her shock and topples Yaz over, allowing her mere seconds to adjust herself.

“Do you need me to do something or-”

“Just tell me to stop when you want me to.” 

Jenny makes quick work of ridding Yaz of her clothes and at the same time simultaneously assaults her mouth with little care but a tonne of passion making it hard for Yaz to resist. Yaz makes attempts to keep up with her energy, not quite at the same level of ‘turned on’ as her until Jenny takes her bottom lip between her teeth and pulls. Yaz groans at the feeling, the familiar rush of heat sprinting from her mouth down to between her legs which Jenny is aptly spreading. Before she loses her attention up at the top of her body, Yaz pulls Jenny’s top over her head and discards it, triggering Jenny into a thrusting motion with her hips, brushing their stomachs together with every stroke. One hand stays in Jenny’s hair, the other pushes down on her boxers, moving them just enough to grip on her bum without anything in the way.

“Do you want to use it?” Yaz whispers, using her hand on the plump backside to encourage the grinding motions. “You can if you want.”

Jenny almost laughs at the offer. “No, it can stay in the box. I’m going to eat you out until my jaw goes numb.” 

“Jen-”

“Please.” Jenny sighs onto her lips, setting Yaz’s skin alight with goosebumps. “Please don’t try to take control because you won’t be able to- not this time.” Jenny warns as her head moves further and further away. 

“Oka- bloody hell Jen!”

Yaz can’t help but arch up off the bed when Jenny attaches herself to her clit without a second thought for foreplay. She has Yaz panting in seconds with her tongue and her hands holding her legs open by her thighs doesn't help. Jenny dips down every now and then to stick to her word and take her time to make it last but with her attention mainly on the swollen nub in front of her Yaz comes quickly with her hands gripping onto Jenny’s scalp for dear life. 

As Jenny makes her way back up Yaz’s body Yaz prepares to do her bit and relieve her wife of some of this tension she’s clearly channeling through her. However Jenny’s hands stay firm against her hips making it impossible to roll over. Perhaps Jenny’s threat to not try and take control was serious and Yaz is in more trouble than she expects. 

She can taste herself on the tip of Jenny’s tongue as she slips into her mouth with the addition of a hum from the base of her throat tickling her lips. Yaz savors how deeply Jenny’s kissing her, sort of proud that she can evoke this kind of behaviour from her. So much so she gasps frantically when she feels a long finger entering her painfully slowly.

“You’re still so wet.” Jenny mumbles against her pulse point right before baring teeth. 

“What’s got into y- oh my god don’t stop.” 

The second digit pushing into her until the pair are knuckle deep cuts her question short. She doesn’t care what’s gotten into Jenny anymore if she keeps up thrusting her fingers inside so deep and so fast. Her thighs positively quiver with the building anticipation but through it all Jenny refrains from giving her other kinds of stimulation. All she does is rest their foreheads together and communicate through an intense stare. Yaz rests her arm around her shoulders so that she can play with Jenny’s hair. It also allows her to rock her own hips to the rhythm of her wrist trying desperately to get her palm to hit against her clit- the eye contact never failing throughout the fiasco. It doesn’t work since Jenny is so persistent in working Yaz up right to the edge this time. Yaz has to resort to another technique. If she can’t convince her to touch her physically then maybe she can with words. 

“You’re such a good girl Jenny.” Yaz says, watching Jenny’s eyes reach a deeper shade of black than she ever thought could be possible. “I love it when you fuck me like this.”

“Stop talking.” Jenny snaps. 

“Why?” Yaz teasingly questions why she should have to behave herself. 

“I’m nowhere near finished with you yet.” 

Yaz moans when Jenny grabs onto her thigh to twist her leg so that it rests on Jenny’s shoulder. Every stroke from then on hits so deep inside her she could cry if she doesn’t come soon. Taking her own initiative she sends her own hand down her stomach, which she can feel is so tense and sweaty and ready to burst at the seams, to touch herself. Rubbing in no consistent pattern, just looking for the end, Yaz feels her heart start to skip beats and her eyes get the urge to close.

“Look at me.” Jenny uses her other hand to hold onto Yaz's jaw. “Look at me.” 

Yaz tries her best to keep her eyes open as she falls over the edge once again. Jenny bites her own lip and grunts while Yaz’s body shakes and strong thighs clamp against her wrist. Jenny lays her entire body on her, kissing her chest and her neck while Yaz regains her breath. But her fingers never leave her cunt and no sooner  _ had _ Yaz caught her breath again Jenny’s head is going to assist her fingers in stimulating her. 

“Jenny this… is insane I’m- I’m gonna- so quick- fast.” 

Yaz misses words and wipes the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand as Jenny because restless and relentless in her movements. She can feel herself fluttering around those magic fingers already and with the addition of wet tongue Yaz knows another orgasm is ready to ripple through her. 

“Go on then.” Jenny dares her. The vibrations from her lips have Yaz screaming out silently instantaneously. 

Yaz thinks that’s it. That’s the end, Jenny can’t possibly have much more in her system. Not for the first time tonight, Yaz realises she is so very wrong when Jenny lifts her like a ragdoll and sits her facing each other in her lap.

“I can’t do more than three.” Yaz, near exhaustion, lets her forehead rest against Jenny’s. 

“I know you can baby.” Jenny softly encourages her. Yaz knows she can say stop whenever she wants but something in her makes her want to see what Jenny might say in response. “Make it a home run for me? Please? Just to try.” 

Yaz nods, confident that Jenny will stop the moment the letter ‘s’ comes out of her mouth if she can’t handle it. Thankfully Jenny chooses now to initiate proper foreplay, taking one stiff peak on her chest between her thumb and finger and the other between her lips. New nerves get stimulated, charging up the nerves in her clitoris ready for Jenny’s hand to start rubbing against her. Yaz moans and her head falls onto Jenny’s shoulder- her arms wrapping around her in a hug to keep her steady, her electric moans and sighs going directly into Jenny’s ear to spur her on, their thighs almost bounce against each other as Yaz slowly rocks along with whatever energy she has left, and Jenny kisses her shoulder through the orgasm she knows is finishing her off. 

Yaz lets Jenny lay her down, unable to move herself. There’s so much running through her blood she feels like she’s sitting on top of the moon, waiting for her special astronaut to come and check on her. The thief of her heart, currently laying her, who when she turns she finds is touching herself with her eyes screwed shut. 

She turns herself to shuffle into Jenny, resting her head on her chest and her hand on her boob to gently stroke her- too tired to do anything else but she wants to let her know she’s here so badly. She watches how her fingers move, listens intently to the small noises she’s making all while gently kissing whatever skin she can reach without moving much. Jenny rolls over when she finishes, draping her leg over Yaz’s thigh, clinging onto her tight. Yaz takes her hand and squeezes it as she rides through the euphoria.

“Thank you.” Jenny mutters into Yaz’s hair. 

“I’ll tell you what Jen.” Yaz moves her head so that she’s nestled right into the crook of Jenny’s neck. “You can do that to me whenever you want, wet dream or not. Now that I know you can top for more than two minutes at a-” 

“Let’s not go mad Yaz.” Jenny musters up enough energy to laugh light-heartedly.

“Love you.” Yaz whispers.

“Love you too.” 


	6. three peas in a very small pod (part two) (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quarantine part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning Jenny talks about how she didn't like dissecting animals at uni for a short bit and this part also discusses how shit this whole situation is, just in case you don't want a mood killer

“Happy wedding anniversary quarantine style!” Jenny throws up her arms and shouts the second Yaz walks into the kitchen. The second thing she sees is Cameron sitting unbothered on his learning tablet at the table. The third thing she clocks is how the table has been set for two, there’s a scattering of cheap silk rose petals scattered everywhere and she can hear the soft notes of their first dance song playing.

“What the hell have you done?” Yaz laughs thanks to her nerves, clinging onto the shopping bags like they’re her lifeline.

“Just made myself really smug if I’m honest.” Jenny twists her body from left to right, pleased with herself that she’s caught Yaz off guard.

“Cameron’s idea?” Yaz asks, heading to the sink to wash her hands. 

“Maybe, but I’m the one who executed it all.” 

“No she didn’t, she couldn’t figure out which way knives and forks go.” Cameron corrects her, still not looking up from the screen in front of him.

“I might have had a brain blip.”

“Jenny you know we got married in February, right?” Yaz puts the shopping to the side for a minute as she’s drawn in towards Jenny. There’s something strikingly adorable and enticing in the way Jenny dresses herself for special occasions; the tshirts with graphics on disappear and Jenny tries her best to look more like an adult, but in the end she almost always looks like a child that has been through their parents wardrobe. The effect it has on Yaz is astounding and come to think about it, the grey sweater she's wearing does look very familiar to Yaz.

“Legally, yes, but the good thing about having a separate ceremony is that we have two dates to remember so I can sweep you off your feet twice every year.” Jenny explains, shoving her hands into her pockets and smiling politely, curling her lips in on themselves.

“Only twice?” Yaz raises an eyebrow and rests the palms of her hands on Jenny's collarbones.

“You sweep me off my feet for the rest.” Jenny says with a grin.

“Correct answer.” Yaz let's her hands slide up and around to the back of Jenny's neck.

"Do I get a prize?" 

Jenny's hand that isn't resting on the small of Yaz's back finds its way to hold Yaz's jaw and tilt her head up so that they can kiss. Yaz almost laughs through it, having forgotten how ridiculously smooth Jenny can be when she tries. Even more so now that she tries to run past everything with Cam.

“Other people's parents don’t kiss this much in front of their kids. I swear to god you’re both disgusting, don’t bother checking in on me tonight, I’m running away with the cat.” Cameron leaves in an over-dramatic huff.

Jenny continues their kiss until the two of them can hear Cameron stomping upstairs to bed. “Okay he’s gone.”

“Wait you weren’t…” Yaz feels a bit of a fool figuring out why Jenny was so keen to show her affection. “You were just doing it to get rid of him?”

“That wasn’t a good thing to do, was it?” Yaz notices Jenny blinking rapidly while it occurs to her how poor taste the move was. “I had told him to go to bed before-”

“It’s okay. Doesn’t matter.” Yaz strokes her cheek. The blinking stops.

“I needed to gross him out to make him stay upstairs anyway. I have a few things planned.”

“Like what?” Yaz asks, changing the position of her arms so it’s more like she’s holding Jenny around her waist rather than holding her back by her shoulders. 

“Special things.” Jenny chews her lip, as smug as she ever has been.

“What kind of special things?” Yaz continues to persist for a clear answer.

“I’ve ordered your favourite and I know he’d try to steal a slice.”

“Gino’s?” Yaz whispers, believing it too good to be true. “The best Italian food in the entire county which I will happily stuff my face with until I blow up?”

“Yeah.” Jenny whispers back.

“I thought they were closed?”

“They’re open for takeout now.” Jenny grins.

“No way!” Yaz’s eyes light up.

“Yeah way. They have to make some money somehow and you deserve a nice takeout.”

Yaz feels her body go warm and fuzzy. Jenny’s always good at surprising her but in no way was she expecting anything today and especially not just because she ‘deserves’ her favourite food.

“Why are you doing this?” Yaz asks quietly.

“Because the whole world is still trapped in this shitty situation and you deserve to be treated.” Jenny repeats her sentiment but with altered words, hoping the message will hit.

“I haven’t been to work for-”

“Your career isn’t the only thing you should be rewarded for you know.” Jenny rests their noses together, taking an extra second to rub her thumb against Yaz’s hand and get their breathing in sync. She’s so gentle it silences Yaz. “You’re the only one holding us together properly.”

Yaz cups Jenny’s face with her spare hand. “Thank you Jenny.” 

“Don’t thank me yet you might hate the other part of the plan.” Jenny takes a step back, smiling, knowing that she knows something Yaz doesn’t.

“What other part of the plan?” Yaz counteracts her step backwards with a step forwards towards her.

“A mystery for now. Let me help you unload this stuff.” Jenny swoops past her towards the shopping bags. Yaz follows, not expecting Jenny’s hand to push her back. “By help I mean I’ll do it.”

“Have you done something bad?” Yaz’s eyes squint with suspicion.

“No.” Jenny pouts.

“Really?”

“I haven’t.” She insists. Her face is innocent. Too innocent.

“Give me a second. I’ll go and get changed.” Yaz says. 

She has full intention of getting changed into something nice, but first of all she stops at Cameron’s room, making sure to knock and enter only when he says she can. He’s sitting how she expects to find him- crossed legged on his messy bed with the cat on his pillow and his eyes glued to his favourite planet picture book. 

“Mum offer you Gino’s to stay out of our way?” Yaz leans against the open door frame folding her arms across her chest.

Cameron lifts his eyes up to meet his mother sheepishly. “Maybe.”

“What else did she offer you?” Yaz asks, pleased that her suspicions were correct.

“I can watch star wars on her laptop tomorrow instead of doing school work.” Cameron says plainly.

“Hm. Okay.” Yaz nods.

“Don’t be mad at her.” 

“I’m not mad at her.” Yaz is quick to throw her hands up in surrender and reach to close Cameron’s door again. “You know I can never be mad at her.”

“Have a nice date night mum.” Cameron laughs quietly.

“Thank you Cameron.” Yaz smiles, closing the door behind her to go and get dressed for her so-called ‘date’.

The other part of the plan turns out to be watching their sex tape with a bingo score sheet and a tub of icecream between them. Despite it having been taken years and years ago on the night of their wedding ceremony, neither Yaz or Jenny have ever reviewed the footage and because it’s been so long, inventing things for their bingo squares is easier since they can’t cheat and put what they know happens.

“Can I see your squares?” Jenny asks.

“No.” Yaz slaps the back of Jenny’s hand that’s reaching for her slip of paper. “You’ll cheat.”

“I need one more!” 

“I dunno. Put ‘Jenny cries’ on it.” Yaz shrugs

“I know that’s not in this one because that was one time!” 

“It was sweet.” Yaz smiles at the memory and at how agitated Jenny gets when she brings it up. “Hurry up and put it in.”

“Title of our sex tape.” Jenny mumbles to herself as she takes out Cameron’s dvd and puts in theirs.

“Why do we only have a hard copy?” Yaz asks. It’s always bugged her as to why they filmed themselves on an old camera and not just their phones.

“Don’t trust the cloud. Could you imagine if you, a local trusted police officer, and me, a favourite teacher of many teenagers at a secondary school, got our sex tape leaked? We’d be jobless.”

“Fair point well made. Don’t want that.” Yaz accepts an earbud and places it in her ear, nervous for what she’s about to watch but certainly prepared to laugh at herself.

The first thing Yaz decides whilst watching is that nobody-  _ nobody-  _ looks good while they kiss. Both her and Jenny make a noise of disgust and decide that it will probably get better once things get going but all that happens is the lense gets overtaken by Jenny’s back.

“Do I really look like that from behind?” Jenny asks, intrigued by her own appearance.

“Yup.” Yaz nods, helping herself to the ice cream. “Wait till you’re naked, you’ll get turned on by yourself.”

“Probably. Is that narcissistic to say?”

“Who cares, I think you’re hot.” Yaz shrugs, very nonchalant about what they’re doing.

“All that matters.” Jenny takes her spare hand to hold it. Yaz finds the gesture unbearably sweet.

It’s only a matter of a few uncomfortable minutes before Yaz has to retrieve her hand to cross off one of her boxes.

“Hold on what was that? Nothing’s happened yet?” Jenny panics at the fact Yaz is now in the lead. 

“That was ‘take a break to laugh at Jenny’s boxers with a weird pattern’.” Yaz tells her. 

“Oh! Hold on!” Jenny crosses off one of her own boxes on her bingo card. “Jenny lays Yaz down first.”

“Wha-”

Looking back at the screen Yaz sees that Jenny is right. Things have moved along quite significantly while Yaz was bragging with Jenny pinning her down on the hotel room bed to undress her. The main thing Yaz focuses on is how prominent her scar on her stomach still is in the video. It’s faded a little since the stitches came out thanks to treating it with various oils and lotions and potions but it’s not until she sees it on camera that it sticks out to her how prominent it still is. Perhaps Yaz gets herself too focused on the state of her stomach because Jenny nudges her side as she shuffles closer next to her. 

“Why do I sound like that?” Yaz asks in disgust the second a single decibel of her own voice hits her eardrum. 

“You’ve always sounded like that.” Jenny says; her face crinkling up at the mere thought of Yaz not liking how she sounds. 

Yaz hears herself groan and doesn’t know whether to cringe again or keep watching. It’ll probably be easier when she’s the one giving rather than receiving but still, if she pretends it isn’t her, it’s hot. 

“Ugh.” She can’t help but grimace once again when she makes yet another, more prominent sound in addition to Jenny pinching her lip between her teeth.

“I think it’s the second best sound in the universe.” Jenny’s hand slides across the front of Yaz’s stomach.

“Second?” Yaz raises an eyebrow.

“Your laugh takes the top spot.” Jenny tilts her head down to press her lips, sticky with ice cream, against the pulse point on Yaz’s neck.

“Do not start trying to be cute with me while we’re watching this filth.” Yaz makes a feeble attempt to push her away, her eyes and attention unable to move away from the strangely fascinating third person view of herself getting fingered by her wife.

“It’s true though! If I can get you to laugh in bed it’s like a double point winner.” Jenny helps herself to the contents of the tub in her lap while they both continue to watch. The second Yaz sees herself finish- seeing how Jenny takes care of her when she can usually only feel the sensation- it helps her see what they’re doing in a whole new light. 

“You like watching, don’t you?” Jenny accuses her lightly.

“It’s not that I like it, it's just…” 

“You like it.” Jenny grins with so much cheek.

“I like you.” Yaz is quick to turn it back around. “It would be weird with any other person. And I like how you’re making jokes with me.”

“Hm.” Jenny nods and crosses off a box on her sheet that she refuses to let Yaz see.

“What was that?” Yaz tries to grab the piece of paper but ends up falling into Jenny’s lap and has to push herself back upright.

“Yaz gets turned on.” 

“Oi! It’s supposed to be based on what we do in the video, not real life!” Yaz punches Jenny’s arm playfully, only partly joking.

“I’m kidding, it was a random box. I just wanted to get you to admit it.”

“Jenny!” Yaz attempts to push her again and instead ends up being welcomed by Jenny’s arm stretching behind her back to hold her.

“I thought this was going to be sexier, I’ve said ‘I love you’ like four times already and I’d forgotten I kept looking at the camera.” Jenny admits to her disappointment.

“I hate that the one and only time we film ourselves it’s the blandest sex we’ve ever had.” Yaz says. The plan was always to have some wild adventure with handcuffs and ropes but the day eventually got to their heads and none of that stuff was attractive to them anymore. Only each other.

“It’s not  _ the _ blandest, there’s passion in there but I see what you mean.” Jenny defends their choices that night. 

“We could always… do it again. But better.” Yaz takes a massive scoop of the ice cream from the tub to almost backtrack her statement. She hadn’t even really thought it through before saying it.

“When?” Jenny scoffs. It’s not like Cameron’s going to be out of the house on a school trip any time soon. “I’d love to but he’s at home, and when we’re at work we’re always too tired to do anything out of the ordinary.”

“We could tonight since we’re celebrating. Just an idea.” Yaz innocently continues to eat her spoonful of ice cream leaving Jenny to contemplate.

“The camera might need charging. Takes hours.” Jenny plays the role of the angel on their shoulder, but Yaz has all the power of the devil sitting on her left.

“A good director always allows a rehearsal before filming the real thing.” Yaz not so innocently licks the entire spoon clean, managing to keep Jenny's gaze and attention at the same time. It's working and they both know it. Yaz can tell by Jenny’s automatic silence from her mouth but the tooth resting against her lip screams everything she needs to know. And she smiles.

At the same time the pair of them discard the materials in their laps and the electronics in their ears and move to meet each other in the middle- Jenny shifting her legs to either side of Yaz’s to sit in her lap as they kiss. The more they move, the more they come to the conclusion that ice cream and a shit tonne of pizza and garlic bread was not a good idea.

“We’ve eaten way too much food.” Yaz groans. 

“Just don’t burp in my mouth, okay? I’m not into that.” Jenny nods, agreeing with Yaz’s original sentiment.

“This isn’t going to be energetic.” Yaz informs her. She doesn’t really feel like she can move much at all let alone do anything out of the ordinary.

“I don’t care, I just want you.” Jenny says, slamming the lid of her laptop down, taking Yaz’s hand and leading her upstairs without so much as a second thought. 

“I… do not want to leave this bed today.” Jenny rolls into Yaz messily, shuffling to make their bodies fit. 

“We have to.” Yaz says, placing her arm over her to keep her close, which doesn’t help at all, considering what she’s saying.

“Don’t be such a spoil sport, it’s not like we’ve got anything to do.”

Jenny absentmindedly strokes her thumb against the dark and tender patch of skin on Yaz’s neck that she created replicas of the entire way down Yaz’s body last night. They’re still planning on filming themselves again the second they have the house to themselves and less food in their stomachs, but last night certainly had a different kind of spark to it nonetheless. Jenny has promised to have more dates while they’re both still off work just to spend more time together.

“We have to look after our son.” Yaz reminds her.

“I told him he could watch star wars this morning. I left the film in my laptop.” Jenny closes her eyes again at the sensation of Yaz’s fingers running through her hair. Yaz closes her eyes too, letting the warm streams of sunlight tingle and warm through her skin. Cameron will probably be up soon too, and he probably won’t feed himself and he probably won’t get dressed before logging onto Jenny’s laptop and-

“Jen.” Yaz’s eyes snap open.

“Hm.”

“We definetly put his film back in and took our sex tape out before we came up last night, right?” Yaz asks.

“Yeah.” Jenny squeaks, lifting her head up while nodding frantically to herself. “Yeah, I’m sure we did.”

She settles her head back down on Yaz’s chest having fully convinced herself. Moments of silence pass them by- both of them pretending to be settled when really Yaz feels like there’s a ticking time bomb downstairs in the form of Jenny’s laptop. The soft intimacy and afterglow from last night is officially over.

“Maybe we should-”

“-just to be sure-”

“-yeah.”

* * *

“Mum!”

“Cam what have we told you about shouting in the-” Yaz drops the plate she’s washing in the sink as she spots why Cameron was shouting for her. “Jenny!”

“What?” Jenny comes running in, the glasses perched on her head almost falling off as she rushes. Probably assuming that one of them is hurt or in danger. 

“Over there.” Cameron points over by the oven.

“The cat’s brought in a-

“Mouse!” Jenny somehow in her own adrenaline rush doesn’t jump but simply steps up onto the kitchen counter, crouching like a predator hunting its prey. Except a predator wouldn’t be acting as scared.

“Catch it Jen.” Yaz says.

“I’m not going to catch it.” Jenny’s voice goes up in pitch at the absurdity of the assumption. 

“One of us is going to have to get it.” Yaz says.

“Take the cat out first, the poor thing’s still alive!” Jenny points and Yaz is glad that there isn’t any room under the cabinets for the little mouse to run under. She doesn’t really feel like pulling out the oven today.

“Cameron get the cat out.” Yaz picks on him to do the task.

“Why me?” Cameron asks.

“You’re the man of this house.” Yaz says and Cameron does as he’s told and goes to pick up Supreme the 2nd and remove him from the kitchen.

“Actually, Yaz, that's a very pressure inducing and patriarcal thing to put on young men.” Jenny says.

“You get the mouse then if you want to give him a strong female figure!” Yaz hisses at her.

Jenny puffs out her chest and her cheeks, annoyed that Yaz has turned her own point against her, and takes a step forward. The mouse jumps under the table in fear and the movement makes all of them scream at once.

“You do it Yaz.” Jenny chickens out, running back towards the huddle.

“What- why me now?”

“Because you’re the one that takes the spiders out.” Jenny sits back up on the kitchen counter, not allowing any part of her body or her outfit to hit the floor.

“A spider in the bath is a bit different to a mouse in the kitchen Jenny!”

“Fine, because you’re the top!”

“What’s a top?” Cameron asks.

“Nothing.” Jenny says dismissively, realising what she’s just said in front of an eight year old.

“It means I’m in charge Cam.” Yaz says. “And I say, Jenny go and catch the mouse then take it outside again.”

“Why don’t you both do it?” Cameron suggests. “You get a tub and you get the lid of a tub and corner it.”

“Smart boy.” Jenny compliments him, a proud smile growing on her lips. 

Yaz turns to the cupboard behind her, taking out a takeaway tub they washed and kept to pack school and work sandwiches, not mice but it’ll have to do.

“I hate rodents.” Yaz mutters to herself.

“Really?” Cameron asks. He’s always been a fan of the four legged creatures. Of course, in nature she’ll think they’re cute any day, just not in the house.

“Why do you think we got a cat not a hamster?” Yaz raises an eyebrow. They actually got Supreme the second before they started fostering Cameron but already having a cat does quash the question ‘can we have a hamster’.

“Yaz if you’re actually properly scared, me and Cam can do it.” Jenny softens her stance and prepares for some kind of compromise. 

“Mum it’s moving!” Cameron almost hides behind Yaz’s leg. 

The mouse isn’t exactly moving as alive as it should be. Whether it be mothering instinct or her own sympathy for the little animal Yaz takes the tupperware box and takes a cautious step forward. She knows she’s terrified but she has to remind herself that this is her house, her family, and she needs to protect it. Even if it is only a furry ball with a tail.

Jenny silently appears at her side with the lid, prepared and ready to have Yaz’s back and do this together.  _ It’s just a mouse, _ Yaz tells herself.  _ Just a small little mouse, _ she repeats as they close in. Yaz is a police officer, a fairly high up one considering taking the sergeants exam soon and she’s seen a lot of unsavoury shit during her life so why the hell is she scared of a wee little mouse. Yaz places the tub about a centimetre behind the mouses backside while Cameron gives a nervous squeak of his own. She gives Jenny a nod of encouragement and she uses the lid to push the mouse into the tub. 

“Shit- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!” Jenny shouts in one breath as she takes the tub from Yaz, mouse included.

“Outside!” Yaz pushes her, following her out there and ordering for Cameron to stay inside and watch from there. 

“Let it out, what are you waiting for?” Yaz says when her and Jenny reach the little flower bed at the end of their garden. They say it’s a flower bed, but it really just serves as an extra litter tray for the cat.

“Yaz it’s not well.” Jenny says, looking down into the tub with her eyes softer than ever. Yaz joins her by her side, resting her hand on her shoulder. Although it’s still breathing the mouse is very still and curled up. She can’t help but feel sorry for it. Any human with a heart would feel sorry for it, even if that human resents rodents. 

“What do we do?” Yaz asks. 

“We can let it go or I could snap it’s neck.”

“Jenny!” Yaz is overcome with horror at the idea, especially with their son watching. 

“What? It would just be ending its suffering.” Jenny shrugs.

“You’re not so scared of it anymore.” Yaz mutters.

“Because it’s not in my house.” Is Jenny’s response to that.

“So what do we do?” Yaz asks. They can’t keep it in a plastic container forever. 

“I had to dissect a mouse once during my bio degree.” Jenny sticks her finger in the tub and starts to gently stroke the top of the mouse's head. “I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of the dissections I had to do.”

“Did you ever have to dissect a human?” Yaz asks out of curiosity. 

“I had exceptional circumstances for that. Considering.”

Yaz sighs at herself in disappointment, resting her head atop her hand on Jenny's shoulder. “Sorry. I forgot.” She apologises. 

“This little one won’t get dissected though. And I won’t snap its neck, I’ll let it go.” 

Jenny crouches down to bring the tub holding the mouse to the floor. Before the plastic reaches grass though, the mouse jumps straight up out of the tub. Yaz jumps too, but backwards. Jenny shouts again, shuffling back until she falls over completely, dragging Yaz down with her since they’re grabbing for each other for protection. Yaz manages to turn her head just in time to see a tail disappearing haistilly into the bushes. She looks at Jenny, both of them with wide eyes and shocked expressions all over their faces. 

“Okay so maybe it was just playing dead.” Jenny says. 

They share another look between each other and crack up laughing, Yaz resting her head on Jenny’s chest. 

“Is it gone?” Cameron peeks his head out of the kitchen door. Yaz takes it as a cue to get up and hold her hand out to help Jenny to her feet too. 

“Yeah, ran away.” Jenny’s arm slides around Yaz’s waist, keeping them close together with Yaz hiding her face in her shoulder trying to suppress her laughter at the situation. Quarantine must truly be getting to her if this is the most exciting thing that’s happened in weeks. “Good plan Batman, taking charge of us like that. Might still be in there if you hadn’t.”

“Does that mean I’m the top now?” Cameron’s eyes light up.

“No- no.” Jenny’s voice cracks. 

“No kid.” Yaz reiterates, trying very very hard not to laugh at this mess. “Maybe don’t... repeat that. Please. To anyone.”

* * *

_ “You’re watching the news at ten. Good evening. The minister of education this afternoon has said that schools may not reopen until February next year. The decision comes after...” _

“It’s just bad news on bad news on bad news.” Jenny says, lifting her head out of Yaz’s lap to find the remote and turn off the channel. 

“Did you not want to listen to that?” Yaz weaves her hand back into Jenny’s hair. 

“I’ll listen to whatever work emails me not the fucking bumbling twat who...” Jenny tails off from her own frustration and swivels her body around so that she’s facing up at the ceiling. Yaz brushes the hair out of her eyes and she can see the mix of strong emotions behind her eyes. “An entire year of education just thrown out the window for these kids.”

“You’re still teaching them.” Yaz attempts to reassure her by reminding her of her efforts. She’s taught every single weekday whether it be video classes or answering emails from students and her efforts shouldn’t be overlooked.

“Yeah, me and the maths department. Everyone else just sends them work and tells them to teach themselves.” Jenny grumbles.

“And your students love you for it.” Yaz lets her other hand rest on Jenny’s stomach. She can feel how her body rises and falls as she breathes, and waits until she can tell Jenny’s emotions have calmed down before carrying on the conversation. “Cameron’s missing his friends, too.” 

“I don’t know what to do about that.” Jenny sighs. “He needs his friends, he can’t just hang around us for the rest of his life.”

“I could go back to work.” Yaz says.

“How would that help him missing his friends?” Jenny asks. She kind of says it in a way that irritates Yaz, like she’s being talked down to. She knows Jenny’s just frustrated and she can’t control how it comes out but it still hurts a little.

Yaz shrugs. “I just… I feel like I need to go back to serving. Give this house some more normality. Give someone else the chance to take time off and maybe-”

“But you’re not just taking time off for the fun of it Yaz, you panicked at the sight of your uniform last week.” Jenny twists and turns her body so that she’s propping herself up in an impossible way so that she can talk to Yaz face to face- leaning over her body so Yaz can’t escape, either. “You’re telling me that you going back is going to revitalize the entire force?”

“No, but...”

“You said yourself- to O last week when he checked up on you- that you’re terrified of-”

“I know what I said Jenny.” Yaz resorts to raising her voice a bit. “I’m just scared that if I don’t go back soon they won’t give me my job back after this is all over.” She says. It’s been playing on her mind. None of them have health conditions, Yaz might just be able to push it that she’s fearful of getting stabbed again as an excuse but if she says that, what’s the point of being police at all?

“I know.” Everything about the way Jenny says it is sympathetic, including how she sits herself up properly next to her. “Scoot down.” Jenny gestures.

“Jen-”

“Scoot.” Jenny doesn’t let her protest. 

With a reluctant sigh that comes from deep within her soul, Yaz shuffles herself into position so that Jenny can spoon her from behind while they watch TV. Jenny lets her arm flop over Yaz’s stomach and brush her scar over the fabric of her top. It’s a move Yaz could have seen coming a mile off, since she always resorts to stroking or kissing her scar when they talk about her work, but Yaz is feeling frosty tonight and intertwines their fingers in a loose hand hold instead. 

They don’t talk again- only relax together as best they can watching whatever cartoon designed for adults it is on the screen in front of them. Yaz can tell that Jenny has fallen asleep after a while thanks to her light snoring against her neck. The sound is like a lullaby and Yaz feels her eyes become heavy. She thinks about waking Jenny up and ordering them both to bed however she feels so warm and comfortable she decides against it. She’s just about to drift off fully herself when her eyes register Cameron standing in front of her.

“Hey Cam.” She whispers. “What are you doing up?”

“My tooth came out.” Cameron whispers back, neither of them wanting to wake Jenny. 

“Whoa! Cool! Put it under your pillow and maybe the tooth fairy will come.” Yaz musters up enthusiasm in her voice as Cameron shows her the gap in his mouth accompanied by the little bone in his hand. Teeth are weird, Yaz decides, and her strange thought must show in her face because every feature on Cameron’s face falls. “What’s up?” Yaz asks.

“Mum only hugs you like this when you’re sad.” Cameron points at their hands, still holding each other over Yaz’s stomach.

“I’m not sad Cam. I’ve just been thinking.” Yaz smiles gently. It’s easy to forget how perceptive he is sometimes.

“About what?” He asks. There’s no way Yaz can lie to him.

“I’m thinking of going back to work.”

“You can’t!” Cameron shouts like he’s trying to wake up from a nightmare.

“Sssh! It’s okay.” Yaz sits up reaching for her son’s arms. 

“What’s happening?” Jenny wakes up from the disturbance, rubbing her eyes. 

“But it’s not, you can’t go back. You’ll- you’ll get sick and then you’ll die and mum will be sad and I’ll have to go back to the home-”

“No you won’t.” Yaz pulls him in closer to her as Jenny sits up and re-familiarises herself with the room. “If me going back to work worries you that much, I’ll stay at home a bit longer.”

“Do you promise?” Cam asks. 

“I promise. Okay?”

Yaz can only watch as Cameron stands in front of them trying so hard not to cry. So hard not to let his emotions show, or to show how he’s obviously thought about his parents abandoning him. Yaz watches his lips pout and quiver, listens to him sniff, and watches the first drop of liquid fall from his eyes. 

“It’s alright buddy, neither of us are going anywhere.” Jenny says, lifting him to sit in the space between them. He immediately curls into her side, resting his head on her shoulder. 

“I’m... scared.” He pants between his sobs and sniffling.

“We all are sweetheart.” Yaz shuffles towards the two of them, running her hand through his hair to distract him from clocking the concerned look Yaz throws Jenny. 

“And it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to talk to us about what’s scaring you.” Jenny adds, kissing his forehead. 

“I don’t want to talk about it now.” Cameron shakes his head. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to.” Yaz reassures him.

They let Cameron tire himself out crying, resting against Jenny until she feels his body go limp as he falls asleep again. Yaz prys the tooth from the palm of his clenched hand and Jenny scoops him up to carry him upstairs. Yaz takes a pound coin from the change bowl and disinfects it, ready to put it under his pillow. The tooth fairy’s rate is usually 50p per tooth but considering the circumstances Yaz thinks he deserves more. She creeps into Cameron’s room just in time to see Jenny tucking him back under the glow in the dark galaxy covers. 

“Did you put my tooth under my pillow?” Cameron whispers. 

“Hang on, mum’s got it.” Jenny says. Yaz gives Jenny the tooth but keeps the money to herself for now. “There. All you need to do now is sleep.” Jenny says, putting the tooth under his pillow at a collectable distance. 

“Night mum.” He mumbles, shifting his body into the fetal position.

“Night night kiddo, we love you.” Jenny says with the addition of a final kiss in the gap between his eyebrows. Yaz watches her leave carefully, reaching for the door handle to close the door behind her.

“Leave it open a bit Jen.” Yaz says.

“Why?” Jenny asks but she does as she’s told anyway.

“He can have the cat in there tonight with him if he wants.” Yaz says. They try to keep Supreme out on weekdays so that Cameron can sleep properly before school.

“Listen, I’m going to go downstairs and do something quickly. Don’t wait up for me.” Jenny says, tucking her hands under her armpits.

“What do you mean?” Yaz frowns.

“I want to print out a letter from the tooth fairy.” 

“Like an internet template? I’ve disinfected that by the way.” Yaz hands over the pound coin.

“No I was going to write it in really small text and then like, make an envelope out of a sticky note, and print it out, you know? Really small. Like ‘hey Cameron, your parents tell me you’re scared and that’s okay! This is a lucky coin’ or something. I want to do it.”

Yaz quickly squeezes Jenny in a tight hug before she can rush off to her computer. “You’re a really great mum.”

“Say that again when he’s grown up and we’re sure he doesn’t have an anxiety disorder.” Jenny says. It’s difficult to tell if she’s joking.

“Don’t.” Yaz sighs, brushing it off as a joke even if Jenny didn’t mean it that way.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” Jenny says with a more gentle touch to her voice.

Yaz retires to their room while Jenny goes downstairs two steps at a time, not without looking back at Cameron’s room. She sees the white and ginger cat pad up the last few stairs and trott over to Cameron’s door, using his face to open the crack further, letting himself in. Yaz pauses, waiting to hear if Cameron’s already asleep or if he’s still lying awake.

“Hi Supreme.” Yaz hears him stage whisper, and can go to bed content in that her son will sleep well and her wife will have the nightmare challenge of creeping in there to exchange teeth for cash without Supreme the second snitching on her. 

* * *

“Nice work Cam.” Yaz wipes the sweat from her brow with the fabric of her sports shirt. The past few days Cameron was getting restless so Yaz promised him an afternoon of police training drills and exercise to release some energy. It’s done good, for the both of them.

“Mum.” Cameron says inquisitively, suggesting to Yaz that a difficult question is on the way.

“Yeah mate?” 

Yaz stands perfectly still and watches Cameron come towards her, lifting the bottom of her shirt up to poke his finger against her scar. “How did you get that? Did you have a baby?”

“No- why would that mean I had a baby?” Yaz asks.

“My teacher said some babies come from cresstations sections.” 

“Cesarean, Cam.” Yaz corrects him.

“That’s it.” He remembers.

“I didn’t have a baby. If I had a baby like that the line would be across here.” Yaz drags her finger over her lower stomach where her uterus is. “See?” 

“So why is it there?” His face knots into a frown. 

“When I was younger there was an accident.” Yaz pulls her top back down.

“When?” Cameron continues to ask. Feeling like they may be here for a long time, Yaz sits herself down on a garden chair, Cameron copying her.

“I was just twenty three. I was at work, helping people, and I put up my arms and my protective vest was too small and it went up my body. At the same time…” Yaz tries to think of a way of saying ‘someone violently stabbed me’ to her son without scaring him. After last week she’s hyper aware that he’s worried about something happening to either her or Jenny or both. “One of the guys who I was there to stop hurt me and now I have this scar.”

“How did he hurt you?” Cameron asks. His inquisitiveness isn’t exactly helping Yaz avoid certain details. 

“With a knife.” Yaz admits. 

“Oh…” Cameron swallows the information and stays quiet while he tries to digest it. Yaz is just about to tell him she’s completely recovered now, that it was almost twenty years ago and it doesn't matter anymore when he opens his mouth again. “Cool! Did it hurt?”

“Not when it happened. It hurt after I came back from hospital because the doctors did a lot to help me. We have a photo of what it looked like somewhere.” Yaz says, not really able to comprehend how easily he’s taking this news.

“Did Nani look after you?” He asks.

“I wasn’t living with Nani anymore then, I was living with your mum.”

“You were?” Cameron’s pupils blow up.

“We’ve been together since I was twenty.” Yaz smiles.

“Really?”

“We’ve been together a long time Cam.” She says.

“And she looked after you when this happened.” He gently pokes her in the stomach.

“She looked after me lots.” Yaz says, ignoring the fact Jenny left her painfully alone with the cat that first night. He doesn’t need to know that. Plus, the past is the past. “She helped me shower, and walk, and she cooked me food and then when I was better we got married.”

“I don’t see much moving and grooving.” Jenny appears in the garden like magic, moving her hips and bobbing up and down in some kind of terrible dad dancing move as she walks. She’s obviously expecting Yaz to still be teaching her makeshift PE lesson, not the two of them sitting on the garden furniture. 

“Cameron asked about my scar.” Yaz fills her in. 

“Oh really?” Jenny’s eyebrows raise in surprise. He’s seen Yaz in swimsuits and crop tops before but never mentioned the scar on her stomach until now.

“Yeah. Mum, when was your first kiss together?” Cameron asks Jenny. 

“That’s… what you’re focusing on with this?” Jenny asks with a mix of caution and surprise in her voice.

“Mum was saying how you looked after her and it got me thinking about how you met.” Cameron shrugs.

“We met at university.” Jenny says. 

“We were friends for a while but one night mum was-” Yaz looks up at Jenny whose eyes are wide with ‘don’t tell him about what happened to me’. “-upset and she wanted to stay with me. So, she came to my flat and when we were talking we just…it just happened.”

“It was a long time coming Cam.” Jenny smiles gently and wistfully at the memory; almost likes she’s being transported back to that night, in that room. Just the two of them. “Could make up a novel sized fanfic if you want to look at it that way.” 

“Then I had to go home for Christmas and she turned up at Nani and Papa’s without me knowing and kissed me again.” Yaz smiles. “It was very romantic.”

“Okay, too many details now.” Cameron gets up and heads back inside.

“Gotta do a cool down exercise Cam or your muscles will get sore.” Yaz calls after him, knowing he won’t come back. 

“Not when you’re both here, mum will say something gross and you’ll kiss in front of me again.” He shouts.

“Aaand, he’s back.” Jenny sits herself down next to Yaz where Cameron just was. 

“He’s going to find out one day Jen.” Yaz says. 

“About what?”

“About what happened to you that year.” 

“He doesn’t need to know.” Jenny shakes her head, as if to get rid of the memory. 

“One day he’ll scroll through your social media or he’ll ask to see photo albums and he’ll see that picture Clara took of you in hospital.” Yaz says. “Can’t hide much from kids.”

“And when that day comes I’ll tell him but not now. He just learnt his mum got stabbed he doesn’t need to know his other one got beat up and hospitalized.” 

Yaz places her arm around her shoulders, just as a comforting bit of contact. 

“Surreal that he’s starting to ask about our origins.” Yaz says, changing subjects and playing with the wisps of hair where her head meets her neck.

“You say that like we’re superheros.” Jenny laughs.

“You never know. To him we might be.” Yaz shrugs.

“Aw- come on Yaz tell me you didn’t just say something that cheesy.” Jenny says as if she’s disappointed in her for stooping that low.

“Nothing wrong with a cheesy sentiment.” Yaz grins. 

“What’s my superhero name then?” Jenny tests her.

“Super mum.”

“That’s rubbish.” Jenny scoffs.

“Okay. Super milf.” Yaz watches Jenny’s cheek blush bright red. “You’re adorable when you’re flustered.” She brings Jenny’s chin around to look at her.

“Stop it.” Jenny mumbles, trying to keep her eyes to the floor and a smile from reaching her lips.

“Never." Yaz tilts her head down in an attempt to look Jenny in the eye. "Never never never never never- it's really hard to get to your face now you have long hair- never.”

"It's my new defense mechanism against your unearthly charms." Jenny uses her hands to cover the rest of her face with hair that couldn't quite reach.

"Does it only have the one trick or can it do something else as well?"

Jenny tucks her hair behind her ears. Despite it's natural waviness it stays behind those pointy ears perfectly. With the softest expression of her face, dimples on cheeks with freckles from the sun and all, Yaz can't help but melt until she's just a fluttering heartbeat. 

"It's proper effective innit." Jenny smiles.

"I still can't believe you chose me." Yaz mutters; her breath still stuck in her lungs at how completely and innocently gorgeous Jenny is.

"Always." 

Lost in Jenny’s eyes Yaz can only sit and watch her raise her hand like a knight in a disney movie, kissing the wedding ring and her engagement ring- with the etched in pattern slowly fading- on her finger like she’s delicate and dainty. 

“That’s not exactly hygienic considering there’s a pandemic going on.” Yaz says, unable to think of anything else that isn’t ‘now who’s being cheesy?’.

“Shut up.” Jenny shakes her head, laughing, and Yaz successfully gets into her personal space this time. She holds their noses against each other waiting for the both of them to stop laughing and smiling so she can kiss her properly.

“Told you you’d start being gross!” 

Yaz and Jenny look up to see Cameron peering out of his bedroom window shouting down at them. 

“Dinner’s in an hour!” Jenny shouts back up; her voice just manages to reach him before he closes his window, knowing he isn't allowed to stick his head out of it in the first place.

* * *

“I. Am. So.  _ BORED! _ ” Jenny screams into the afternoon sun, sitting herself up.

“Hey Cam, I think mum’s bored.” Yaz turns to Cameron. The three of them have been sunbathing, reading their books on the grass together as a way to pass time. 

“You think?” Cameron raises his eyebrows in sarcasm.

“Sneaking suspicion.” Yaz scrunches up her nose. 

“Alright. I get it. I’ve said it a lot. But that’s because I am!” Jenny stands up, beginning to pace like a tiger in a cage. "Cam what do you do when you're bored?"

"This. Play with the cat, read a book, ask to eat one of your custard creams, talk to my friends or Aliya." Cameron lists off his favourite lockdown activities.

"Problem is Cam, that involves her sitting still for more than two minutes." Yaz says, the pair of them starting to giggle before she even finishes her sentence.

"Alright shut up you two." Jenny grumbles.

"Seriously though Jen, what about calling Amy or Clara or Ryan-"

"Uncle Ryan." Cameron corrects her. Both him and Jenny always pick up on her inability to accept that Ryan is family now.

"Yes, sorry, uncle Ryan. It might do you some goo-"

"I'm going to build a fort, who's in?" Jenny announces, placing her hands on her hips defiantly.

"Me!" Cameron scrambles to get up, not even bothering to mark his page.

"That's it?" Yaz says, suddenly abandoned by the rest of her family. 

"We won't disturb you." Jenny gives her a sickly sweet smile before running off inside the Cameron. 

"Don't use the nice linen, I've just washed it!" She desperately calls after them.

Now that Yaz finds herself very much alone her reading pace gets faster. It’s not the best book she’s ever read before and some of the police procedure inaccuracies are grating on her but the characters are alright and she’s invested, even if it’s only the tiniest bit. The quiet of her garden without the two extra bodies, in addition to the comfort of her story and the hot spring sun beating down on her skin, gently soothes her into sleep. She hasn’t napped like this for years. Hasn’t really had the time. She has no idea how long she’s been out and she can’t tell if the hushed voices she’s hearing are in her dream or not, but the distinct sound of Jenny trying not to swear makes her sure she’s very much awake. Her eyes snap open and her body sits up to see her wife and son halfway through putting up their washing line.

“What-?”

"So the fort's coming outside." Jenny announces matter of factly. “Attach that to the hook on the fence Cam.” She hands the line to Cameron to walk across to the other side of the garden so it forms a sort of zig zag. Yaz watches Cameron jump to try and reach and he fails every time.

“Need a hand?” Yaz asks, approaching him.

Instead of taking the line from him Yaz lifts him up by his waist so he can put the loop over the hook himself. 

“Are you joining us?” Jenny asks with her lips falling into a smirk.

“Please?” Cameron adds. “Otherwise mum does it all herself.”

“No I don't!” Jenny argues against him.

“Yeah, you do Jen. Don’t pout about it.”

“I’m not pouting.” Jenny wipes the puppy pout off her face, keeping her head low and not saying anything else. Cameron and Yaz share a knowing look, having called Jenny out once again today. “Come and help me with this sheet.” 

And just like that, Yaz is involved in the creation of their fort. Her first action is to go and retrieve the pegs so that anything Jenny and Cam put up will actually stay up for more than five seconds and will withstand the softest gust of wind. She holds back and only does what the project managers instruct her to do, not wanting to strip the fun away all for herself. As the project goes on Yaz discovers that Jenny is a little bit of a hoarder. With at least half of these sheets Yaz was under the impression Jenny had thrown them out when they moved but here they are being used to form the shell of a tent, supported by wire and bits of wood the old owners left down the side of the house. Jenny also surprises Yaz by pulling out a staple gun and Yaz gravitates to supervising her, not Cameron. Jenny’s so focused kneeling down, poking her tongue out of her mouth in concentration, ready to pin the old sheet to a section of the wooden plank, she doesn’t compute how her hair is falling into her vision.

“Tie it back Jen.” Yaz gently suggests as she scoops the hair, warm from the rays of the sun, through her fingers and more importantly, out of Jenny’s face so that she can see if she’s going to staple her finger. 

“Right, yeah.” Jenny pats down her pockets with no luck. “Got a hairband?”

“Here.” Yaz passes the one she keeps in her pocket at all times now. If Jenny insists on being just as active but refuses to cut her hair short, Yaz figures she should keep a constant supply on her to hand out when needed.

“Thanks.”

Jenny accepts the blue band and as she ties up her hair Yaz feels goosebumps rise up all over her body, like a ghost has just walked through her. She hates to accept that simply the sight of Jenny on her knees tying her hair back makes her want to cross her legs but she reckons she knows exactly why.

“What?” Jenny looks up at her with a questioning smile.

“Think I’ve been conditioned.” Yaz whispers, unable to hide her blushing state. 

“To what? Are you sick? What ‘condition’?” Jenny asks, not getting it, forcing Yaz to have to explain further.

“I only ever see you actually tying your hair up before… you… in bed.” Yaz skips around the subject, not wanting to speak her new vulnerability out loud. “When you go-”

“Ooooh!” Jenny realises, her lips curling into a perfect smug grin. 

“Mum!” Cameron calls for her attention. 

“Yep, coming!”

Yaz turns swiftly to move away from how awkward she feels but Jenny catches her hand, spinning her back around and into her now standing body. Jenny plants a kiss on her temple, hugging her body close.

“I’ve still got it.” Jenny mumbles, pleased with herself.

“Yeah yeah.” Yaz rolls her eyes, pushing herself away as Jenny mutters the sentiment to herself again. At least Yaz’s uncontrollable humiliation has made Jenny’s mood even happier.

The erection of the Khan-Smith fort carries on through the afternoon, forcing Yaz to make her way to the kitchen at about six to start making their homemade fish and chips- fish fingers for Cam, even though they have explained they’re the same thing. Yaz was against it but Jenny found a deep fat fryer in the middle aisle in Aldi and she just ‘simply had to get’ and they haven’t looked back. And Yaz must admit, on a treat day it comes in handy but she’ll never tell Jenny that for the sake of her pride.

“No running indoors.” Yaz says, not even needing to look behind her to see that it’s Jenny when she feels the gust of moving air behind her. Yaz hears her fast walk through the house- not technically running, she’ll argue- and knows she’s rummaging for something. When Yaz feels her approaching again she stretches out her arm behind her to stop her in her tracks. “Now what are you doing?”

“I’m getting the picnic blankets.” Jenny says.

“I thought the bedsheets were enough.” Yaz turns to discover she is barely able to see Jenny’s face over the amount of folded blankets she’s holding in her arms.

“We needed a carpet.” She says matter-of-factly, leaving Yaz no choice but to let her get away with it.

Yaz microwaves a chunk of cod for Supreme the second, places it in his bowl for him to scoff down, calls for Cameron to come and wash his hands while she carries out their plates of food. She lost any hope of them coming inside to eat when Jenny appeared with the blankets. Carmeron and Jenny have done a good job of finishing their creation and walking through the gap between sheets (which she assumes is the door) is like entering a different world where you can feel the imagination bubbling in the air around you.

“Thanks babe.” Jenny accepts her plate.

“Thanks mum.” Cameron follows Jenny’s lead as Yaz sits in the middle of both of them.

“You have to eat your peas this time Cam, you can’t feed them to the cat.” Yaz tells him.

“But he likes them!”

“He has his own fish.” Yaz tells him.

“But does he have his own peas?” Cameron asks.

“Oi- don’t be cheeky and eat your food.” Jenny backs Yaz up. “Peas included.” 

Yaz concentrates on eating her own food to make a point in the quiet following their previous conversation. She only gets a couple of mouthfuls down her before Jenny leans behind her back, flinging a pea off her fork into Cameron’s head.

“Jenny!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry.” Jenny throws her hands up in surrender. Since Yaz can’t hold a grudge against her for long, she just gives her a hard stare. The hushed giggle coming from Cameron’s direction suggests to her that Jenny’s made some kind of ‘whoopsies’ face at him.

After they’ve all finished their food, Jenny says that they should be able to see a meteor shower tonight if they stay awake long enough and remove the makeshift ceiling of their fort. Cameron, with his mother’s inherited love of the stars, is eager to take up the opportunity. Yaz can’t say no after he’s got his hopes up, so now it’s just a matter of passing the time. They settle on a series of challenges, Jenny only just beating Yaz in the arm wrestling competition, motivating Yaz to dare Jenny to do press ups with her. Yaz completes ten in a row easily with proper form, even inviting Cameron and Jenny to sit on her back while she does an extra five. They all know Jenny isn’t going to do as well as fifteen, but they were expecting a bit more than two and a half.

“That was rubbish!” Cameron points and laughs at Jenny laying flat on her front.

“Come on noodle arms, get up, I’ll show you how to do it properly.” Yaz encourages Jenny to get back up. 

“I know how to do it properly.” Jenny insists. 

“No you don’t. Cameron can do it better than you.” As if to demonstrate, Cameron gets down in front of Jenny and does a couple of push ups. They’re not perfect, he’s only a kid, but he still manages more than Jenny. “See?”

“Alright, fine. Teach me.” Jenny concedes. 

“Well first of all your hands are too far apart, they should be parallel with your shoulders.” Yaz leans down in front of Jenny to straighten out and reposition her arms. She ignores it because Cameron’s there but it’s dead obvious Jenny’s checking her out. “Cam come and hold her hands here.” Yaz gets him to take over as a ploy to get Jenny to check herself and behave.

“Your legs are alright, you just need to keep your back straight.” Yaz places one hand on the small of Jenny’s back, the other parallel to it but resting on her stomach. “Go.”

Jenny manages one complete push up in the proper stance. Then her arms shake and she collapses onto the blanket under her again. 

“I give up.” Jenny says as Yaz and Cam giggle at her. 

“You should join us in our next PE lesson.” Yaz offers. Although there’s a part of her that suspects Jenny is playing up her lack of strength to make Cameron laugh since she knows that in certain situations she can carry her body easily.

“I think I’ll stick to science.” Jenny sits herself up, panting. “Go have a shower and get into your jim jams Cam.”

“I don’t want to.” Cameron folds his arms across his chest in disgust. 

“Come on, you won’t have time after the meteor shower to properly shower shower. Move move move.” Jenny plays the drums on the young boys back to get him shifted.

“And don’t soap dodge.” Yaz adds as the old bedsheet door flaps behind him.

“How long do you think we’ll last before he starts rebelling?” Jenny asks when she’s sure she’s heard the kitchen door shut.

“Four years at a push.” Yaz reckons. He’s a good kid and she strongly believes only a fresh burst of new hormones can get in the way of it.

“Ooofph. I was going to say a year.” Jenny says, laying back with her hands behind her head.

“Ye with so little faith.” Yaz rolls her eyes, taking the opportunity to snuggle in close to share Jenny’s body heat. 

Today’s been good. Fun. A great form of bonding for all three of them and every day she’s proud of how they’re learning to parent. Especially Jenny. All the kids before- Mia, Toby and the twins- Yaz and Jenny admit to have looked after them more as older friends than their parents but that’s what those kids needed! It worked for them. All of them. But that didn’t stop Yaz wondering if Jenny was cut out for proper parenting at the time. Laying in a homemade fort in their garden that they made with their son who they’ve managed to build up great trust with in just four years fills Yaz with an incredible amount of admiration. Especially for Jenny.

“This would make a great date spot you know.” Jenny’s voice and the feeling of her fingertips travel up and down Yaz’s upper arm with a featherlite touch. “A few candles, some music playing. Perhaps some pillows and our duvet. Could sleep out here.”

Yaz smiles to herself. “You know that’s essentially camping, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Jenny chuckles. “Wanna know something I regret about uni?”

“What?” Yaz asks, full of intrigue.

“Not shagging you alfresco during one of our dates on top of the hill.” Jenny says. 

Yaz lifts herself up in surprise. She wants to look Jenny in the eye in case she’s winding her up. “Outside?”

“I’d prefer to call it ‘under the stars’ but…”

“That’s actually called public indecency, Jen.” Yaz hates to burst her bubble.

“Arrest me, officer.” Jenny whispers. One of her eyebrows is arched perfectly and with her eyes flicking from her lips to her eyes Yaz can’t resist indulging them both in a kiss. Slow, meaningful and deep, Yaz cuts them off before Jenny gets led astray. 

“I know you made it too and it was your idea but this is our son’s tent and I’m not getting you off in it.” Yaz sets down her own personal rules, laying on her side to establish some distance.

“You’re so sensible I can’t help but respect you.” Jenny lays alongside her.

Yaz smiles at the compliment, using the back of her hand to stroke her jaw. “Such a handsome gentleman.”

“I like it when you call me that.” Even with the sun disappearing under the horizon Yaz can make out Jenny’s cheeks blushing pink.

“I know.”

“This has to be the best fort I’ve ever made, actually.” Jenny openly admires her work.

“I can tell you’re very proud of it.”

“I am. It was fun. Should do it more often- pandemic or no pandemic.” Jenny says. The reminder that outside the little world of this fort people are sick and dying and losing their family members without so much as a goodbye hits Yaz like a tonne of bricks to the gut. “What’s wrong?” 

“I almost forgot there was one.” Yaz mumbles. 

Jenny leans forward to kiss Yaz’s forehead before giving her words of encouragement. “We’re getting through it.” 

“Mum and da-”

“Haven’t left the flat in almost three months so they’re doing everything they’re supposed to.” Jenny stops Yaz before she can say anything else. 

“Neither me or Sonya are close enough to look after them.” Yaz says. They call and they text and they video chat but it’s not the same as being able to leave food at their door or go and pick up prescriptions for them.

“They have good neighbors. You’re not doing anything wrong and both you and Sonya have a family to look after.” Jenny reasuresse her once again. It’s not the first time Yaz has brought this issue up and Jenny almost has a script prepared for when it comes up. “The second this is over we can go visit them.”

“I know, I know, I know.” Yaz repeats. “It can’t come soon enough.”

“I’m gonna go and get some torches.” Jenny announces, leaving Yaz to lay alone.

With her mind on her parents, Yaz decides to call her mum while Cameron’s showering and Jenny’s looking for torches. It starts as a regular conversation, obviously. The how are you’s and the just calling to check in’s fall out of their mouths like they’re reading off a teleprompter. Yaz just listens to her mum speak, taking in every word she says to imprint her voice into her memory. 

_ “You’re being quiet.”  _ Najia comments when the conversation eventually reaches a point where it’s about to dry up.

“I just miss you.” Yaz says.

_ “What’s happened?” _

“Nothin’.”

_ “Have you and Jenny had a fight?”  _ Najia assumes.

“No, actually, we’ve gone this whole thing without a fight so far. It’s just the thought of you and dad alone during-”

_ “Oh don’t tell me you’ve been worrying about us Yaz! We’re fine! We tell you that.” _

“I know mum.” Yaz half laughs through her anxiousness. “I can’t help but get worried though.”

_ “You’ve got your own family to look after.” _

“I know. Jenny tells me that.” 

_ “Where is Jenny?” _

“She’s finding some torches. We made a tent in the garden today.” 

_ “Are you sure you don’t have two kids to look after?” _

“Sometimes I wonder.” Yaz smiles. “Nah, it’s been goo- HNF.”

Yaz is winded by Cameron running into the fort dressed in his best dinosaur PJ’s and landing herself in her lap. 

“Alright mate, all showered?” Yaz asks through a wheeze.

_ “Is that my grandson I hear?” _

“Yeah- who are you talking to?” Cameron asks over Najia talking into Yaz’s ear.

“Nani. Want to speak to her?” Yaz asks. She’s made a promise to herself that she won’t be the kind of parent to force her kid to talk to relatives if they don’t want to. Cameron takes her phone without saying anything else to her. 

Yaz descritely listens in to their conversation. Cameron tells her about the fort and the meteor shower they’re about to watch and the mouse and his tooth falling out. Najia responds like the brilliant grandmother she is to everything he says even though Yaz has basically told her everything before. She tunes out a little bit, wondering why it’s taking Jenny so long to get the torches and concluding that they all probably need new batteries. She only tunes back in when Cameron says something along the lines of ‘yes I’ll look after her’.

“Stop guilt tripping my kid.” Yaz says into the receiver. 

“I can look after both of them, I was the top when we got rid of the mouse which meant I was in charge.”

“I told you not to repeat that!” Yaz hisses, her neck flushing with equal parts panic and embarrassment. 

“Okay, love you Nani.” Cameron signs off and hands the phone back to Yaz. 

_ “So…” _

“Don’t.” Yaz mumbles.

_ “Your mistake or Jenny’s?” _

“Both.” 

_ “I won’t say anymore. Have a nice time watching meteors in your tent sweetheart. And stop worrying about us.” _

“Love you mum.” Yaz says. “Send my love to dad.” 

Yaz hangs up at the same time Jenny comes back with torches and hoodies.

“One for you, one for you and one for you.” Jenny recites as she hands them out.

“We can see shooting stars without torches, mum.” Cameron says. 

“Yes, but, you can’t do shadow puppet shows without them.” 

And so ensues Jenny making different shadows with her fingers against the hanging bedsheets ensues. They teach Cameron how to do simple ones like the dog and the snail and he seems to be over the moon with it. The second the sun sets completely Jenny rids their fort of it’s roof so that they can look up at the sky. Living in a relatively rural area means less light pollution and the stars are out in force.

“When will we actually see some?” Cameron asks. 

“Not sure.” Jenny answers him. “Lay down.” 

Cameron takes his place in the middle of his parents.

“Can you see Venus?” Jenny asks him.

“That bright one there.” Cameron points. “Venus is the only planet named after a woman.”

“Good on ‘er I say.” The old man from next door shouts across the fence. They could have guessed he would be out tonight with his telescope.

“Alright Mr. Mott?” Jenny says back.

“Doing good my love. Just waitin’ for the spectacle.” He says with a load of cheer. He’s full of cheer, Wilf is. The past two years he’s called at the house dressed as Santa on Christmas eve for Cameron and Yaz always makes sure to give him a pack of mince pies in return. Plus if neither Jenny or Yaz were unable to pick any of the kids up from school, they could and still can always rely on his help. They couldn’t have got better luck with their neighbour.

“Sylvia not joining you?” Yaz asks.

“No, no. Just me. Donna would but she’s still busy with that mystery man.” He explains.

“Good on her too.” Jenny smiles, turning her attention back to Cameron. “Okay so there’s Venus and if you go a right angle to the right, that’s where the meteor showers should be.”

“So ninety degrees to the right.” Cameron shifts his body around a little bit.

“Alright smartypants.” Jenny tutts. “Showing off your brains like that.”

“So we just watch and wait.” Yaz clarifies, pulling the hood of her jumper over her head to keep her ears warm. 

“Yeah.” Jenny says. 

So they wait. They wait and they wait and they wait until an hour goes by. Cameron becomes naturally restless however luckily he’s soothed by how calm Jenny is waiting for the stars. She’s well practiced in it. An eight year old and a wife who’s getting an aching back from laying on the ground for so long aren’t as well practised in the art. 

“I’m tired.” Cameron rolls over to rest his head on Jenny’s chest. He looks so small and fragile, swallowed by Jenny’s spare hoodie. Yaz has half the mind to pick him up and just carry him into bed right now.

“Try to stay awake for another half hour then we’ll give up, okay?” Jenny whispers to him. It’s unfair to keep him up for much longer. “Did you enjoy today though?”

“Yeah.” 

“Even if we don’t see it we still had-”

“Here we go! Ha ha!” Yaz hears Wilf shout from over the fence.

However she has a strong suspicion that Jenny and Cameron don’t hear the old man past his first word. They’re both positively enthralled by the flashes of light darting about above their heads; Cameron with his mouth wide open and Jenny smiling from ear to ear like it’s the most enigmatic thing she’s ever laid her eyes on. Yaz knows Jenny loves her more than anything but she also knows that she’ll always be the other woman compared to what’s up there, surrounding them. It’s pretty, Yaz can see that, but she prefers to watch how her family's faces are lighting up instead.

“That was so awesome!” Cameron cheers once the show is over. 

“Worth waiting up for?” Jenny sticks her thumbs up.

“Totally!”

“And it’s also totally past your bedtime.” Yaz hops up, her back a little stiff from laying on the ground, ready to get into her bed. “Come on.”

“Ugh such a party pooper.” Jenny grumbles getting up too. “But she is right, come on Cam.” 

“When will the next one be?” Cameron asks, taking Jenny’s hand to walk with her. 

“Not sure. I’ll have to google it.” Jenny says. Yaz picks up the torches and follows behind them with Cameron battering Jenny with space related questions. 

“Don’t stay out too late Wilf.” Yaz salutes him as they walk by.

“Don’t you worry about me.” He salutes back with a wink. 

Yaz follows her wife and her kid back inside at a distance and realises something. She hates this virus. Hates its guts to the end of the earth and back and can’t wait for the day it dies. But, Yaz is a strong believer of things happening for a reason. Looking at Jenny and Cameron in front of her, holding hands after a day of spending time together, doing what they love with the people they love, Yaz can’t help but be grateful for this time stuck at home. She may never have had the chance to have this much time to spend with the people she loves most otherwise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should rename this whole section "jenny and yaz almost giving their child scars that will last a lifetime for 20.4k words"


	7. swimming lessons (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some domesticity including Jenny and Yaz take Cameron swimming, forcing a conversation about Cameron growing up trans with an unwanted visit from the local karen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as said in the summary this obviously includes Cameron talking about body dysmorphia and Jenny and Yaz being good parents about it but I thought I'd mention just in case people don't fancy reading about that. It's not a mega downer but it's still discussed so

The first thing Yaz does when she comes home from a really late and long shift is sneak into Cameron’s room to kiss his forehead and let him know she’s home safe, and tonight is no different. He’s sleeping soundly, and doesn’t wake up when Yaz tucks the sheets back around him even though the summer weather is creeping in but Yaz knows somewhere in his brain he knows she’s home. Her next stop is always Jenny who waits up for her in bed. Tonight she’s sitting on her side of the bed on her laptop, glasses perched on her nose and typing away furiously. 

“No.” Yaz says plainly.

“Is that your way of saying ‘honey I’m home’?” Jenny looks up from her screen, smiling at the fact her wife is back. 

Yaz crawls on top of her, still in her uniform, and discards her laptop for her. “No masters research.”

“But-”

“No.” Yaz lays her body flat against Jenny’s- her head hidden in her neck just wanting her touch.

“How do you know I’m not working?” Jenny laughs, wrapping her arms around Yaz’s body and creating that sensation of safety Yaz loves to come home to. It’s been a hard shift. She just wants Jenny’s attention. Just Jenny.

“You have a working face and a masters face.” Yaz mumbles into Jenny’s neck as she smells her, letting her scent overcome her with waves upon waves of relaxation. 

“Have you eaten? There’s some left over spag bol downstairs in the fridge.”

“Me and O got kebabs.” Yaz lifts her head so that they can talk properly.

“You don’t eat kebabs, you don’t like them, what are you eating kebabs for?” Jenny asks, her accent getting thicker as her sentence goes on.

“Well I ate one tonight.” Yaz raises her eyebrows and grins, making them both fall into stupid giggling then kissing. Yaz could stay like this forever. 

“Come on. Time for bed.” Jenny breaks away. They’ve got a busy day tomorrow and Yaz knows all Jenny’s doing is trying to get her to rest so she can keep up.

“I don’t want to go to bed yet.” Yaz says; her voice more sultry and serious. 

Jenny gets the hint, curling her fingers around the back of Yaz’s neck to pull her down and connect their lips. She’s so soft Yaz can’t help but melt into her. It’s exactly what she needs-  _ she _ is exactly what she needs after a long day at work. Her hands glide over Jenny’s thighs and up her stomach, dipping back down again to rest at the top of her boxers in the hopes of her catching the second hint and consenting.

“No.” Jenny says, removing Yaz’s hand from where it lays. “Still shark week.” 

"You said it was almost over." Yaz groans into her shoulder but is swiftly brought back up to eye level by Jenny’s hands. 

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t help you out.”

“You sure Jen?” Yaz asks, feeling herself getting pushed over and onto her back. Warm hands skating up the sides of her body under her clothes, tickling her skin beautifully. 

“You ask that like it’s a chore.” 

Yaz lets herself get laid back. Let’s Jenny kiss her, brush her nose against her neck, let her discard her work clothes until she’s left in just her knickers. She’s never not felt safe with Jenny, but getting touched by her now makes her feel like she’s being wrapped up warm on a cold winter’s night. Makes her feel like it’s just the both of them on the entire surface of the planet.

“What service would one like tonight m’lady?” Jenny mumbles with a stupid historical character voice. Perhaps eighteenth century England tonight. 

“You’re ridiculous.” Yaz groans holding onto her shoulders, throwing her head back into her pillow. 

“Would you like rough and tumble? Maybe a bit of feel good finger action?” Jenny’s accent goes a little bit French. 

“Jenny…” Yaz tries to get her back on topic by spreading her legs beneath her. 

“I think I know exactly what m’lady doth desire.” 

“And what’s that?” Yaz teasingly asks, weaving her fingers into Jenny’s hair. 

“Slow. Steady.” Jenny abandons the funny character voice and her change in tone sends a flush of wetness to pool in her underwear. “Use my mouth and only my mouth. No surprise moves. Just take my time. Wind you down rather than up.”

“I love you.” Yaz says, resisting the urge to add  _ you idiot _ to the end.

“I love you too.” Jenny smiles. “Now let me go down on you, sexy officer.” She adds, making Yaz laugh right up until she feels her head settle between her legs.

The next day Yaz and Jenny had promised to take Cameron swimming. A couple of months ago they realised he can’t swim, no one ever taught him to and they haven’t been on a proper holiday with a pool with him yet, so they got him lessons. Except the only issue with the lessons was that the teacher was old and kept referring to him as she. No matter how many times they told the swim instructor she was misgendering their child nothing changed and Cameron became more and more upset and frustrated to the point where they had to stop going- Jenny insisting that she can teach him better anyway.

“Mum I look stupid.” Cameron grumbles. He and Yaz are sitting on the side of the pool at the shallow end with Jenny waiting a bit deeper.

“No you don’t Cam. Think of them as an extra addition to your swimming costume.” Yaz says, even though Cameron doesn’t wear a swimming costume, he has board shorts and a rash vest. 

“I’m ten and I’m still wearing armbands.” He mutters. 

“The sooner you put them on now the sooner you won’t have to use them anymore, yeah?” Yaz slides the final one up his arm. “Ready?”

“If I have to.” He grumbles again, putting his goggles on over his eyes. 

“We’re right next to you Cam.” Yaz reminds him in a whisper.

Yaz steps into the water (which is really really cold) and holds out her arms to help Cameron in. He’s nervous and Yaz knows it, Jenny not so much. Even though they’re down at the shallow end and Yaz is able to stand, Cameron isn’t. The other pools are full of groups of children; young ones still in swimming nappies with their parents and groups of teenagers that could easily intimidate a young kid like Cam. So they’ve had to settle in the less busy, more freezing cold, adult pool. Half of it is sectioned off for swimmers doing lengths but the other half is free for all and the Khan-Smith clan has it all to themselves. 

Yaz encourages Cameron to float for a second on his own, his legs working like a duck’s under water. She then swims beside him the three meters it takes to get to where Jenny’s standing and she takes over. Yaz watches as she helps him float on his back to get his head wet. 

“Nice one dude.” Yaz praises him when the exercise is done. 

“What’s next mum?” He asks Jenny. 

“If mum goes and stands back where she was and we swim together for half way, and then you swim the rest of the half on your own, would you be okay with that?” 

“I can try, I think.” Cameron says and Yaz starts walking back to where she started. 

Cameron does well and is proud of himself which is good news to both Yaz and Jenny. The whole point of today is to just start building his confidence in the water again after the old insensitive teacher bashed whatever little he had out of him. They repeat the exercise a couple of times until Cameron is confident enough to get halfway with Jenny, take off the armbands and doggy paddle up to Yaz by himself. He’s not so sure doing it the opposite way, swimming towards the deep end, so to not discourage him Yaz and Jenny decide to let him have a go on the waterslide instead as a break.

Well. Yaz lets Jenny and Cameron go on the waterslide while she waits for them at the bottom. It’s a slide that ends in a reservoir of water, not a deep swimming pool, so that helps too. She  can see them queuing up the spiral staircase with every other person waiting for their turn to go down and they can see her, so they wave. Yaz knows she’s a proper mum, because it’s far too easy for her to imagine Cameron leaning over the rails too far and falling. She can imagine Jenny doing it too, but she’s an adult and it's on her if she falls because she knows better. Yaz watches them climb further and further up until all she can do is keep an eye on the end of the tunnel. A few kids that aren’t hers come down making a splash and then a fully grown blonde adult that Yaz doesn’t recognise as Jenny until she’s standing in front of her. 

“Where’s Cam?” Yaz giggles as Jenny steps out with a beaming smile.

“He wanted me to go first.” Jenny explains, joining her at her side. “I think he’s had enough swimming for today though.”

“Okay. Did he say why?” Yaz asks. 

“No, I think it might be good just to stop while we’re ahead. He went a bit quiet.”

“That’s fine. I’m proud of him.” Yaz agrees.

“Me too. Might take him after work next time though. It’s a bit bus-”

“You weren’t watching me!” Cameron splashes some of the water at the two of them.

“Sorry Cam.” Yaz apologises. 

“That means I can go again.” He says, making his way out to go again without even thinking.

“Alright alright- hey, remember no running.” Yaz reminds him.

“You’re alright with him going on his own?” Jenny wraps her arm around Yaz’s waist; hand protectively resting over her scar which Yaz has noticed has been getting some stares.

“Yeah.” Yaz says watching him walk off on his own. 

Jenny smiles at her. “You sure?”

“He’s growing up babe. I think he’s fine just going down a waterslide.” Yaz says, watching Cameron’s every cautious step.

“Okay.” Jenny says, hesitantly. Making Yaz doubt herself.

“Jen go with him.” Yaz says after a single beat of her heart, deciding he does in fact still need guidance.

“Wait for me Cam.” Jenny says, rightly rolling her eyes and walking off. 

Three more goes down the slide later Yaz is opening the locker and handing Cameron his clothes. He gets his own separate changing cubicle and Jenny and Yaz go in the one next to them. It’s hard to keep her hands and eyes off of Jenny as she changes, considering how she refused to yet Yaz give her anything in return last night, but she manages it. They both manage it, making sure the struggle is known with a fully clothed kiss. 

“You ready Cam?” Yaz has to ask when he’s not waiting for them outside. 

“Not yet.” He says, and Yaz can tell there’s something wrong straight away. 

“Everything okay?” She asks, knowing it’s not. As he stays quiet Yaz becomes more concerned, sharing an equally confused look with Jenny. “Cameron can I come in?” 

A couple more seconds pass before Yaz hears the door unlock. “Only one of you.”

Jenny’s hand lightly brushes against her back, gesturing that she should be the one to go in. Trusting that she’ll go and find a spot in the park for lunch as planned, Yaz lets Jenny go and steps inside. She quietly sits herself down next to Cameron on the little bench you can sit on, making sure it’s not wet first. He’s sitting with his swimming goggles in his hands, dressed in everything but his socks and shoes with his hair still partially wet. 

“What’s going on?” Yaz asks quietly. “If it’s about swimming you did really well today. We’re both really proud of you.”

“It’s not about swimming.” Cameron runs the goggles through his hands.

“So what’s up? I might be able to help.” 

“The other day in school we were learning about growing up.” He says. Yaz knows they’re talking about their classes sex education talk because she had to sign a form allowing him to attend it. “They put me in with the girls because what will happen to their bodies is the same that will happen with mine.”

“It doesn’t mean you’re not a boy.” Is all Yaz can think to say until her son comes out with more detail. 

“My friends kept asking if I’m really a boy then why am I starting to grow...stuff.” Cameron gestures to his chest. 

“Cam.” Yaz says his name to stall for time and words. She and Jenny have been expecting a conversation like this but she had hoped Jenny would be here to help her with the biology of it all. “Yes, things are going to start changing but you’re you and you know who you are.”

“I don’t want those changes.” He says. “What’s the point of learning to swim if I’m not going to want to wear tight swimming clothes and show myself?”

“Because if you learn to swim we- me you and mum- can go swimming on holidays to water parks with way more slides than here. Just us. And Cam there are things we can do, That you can do. I’m not sure exactly what, you’ll have to ask mum but I promise no one is ever going to make fun of you.” Yaz wraps her arm around his waist, not knowing what else to say but wanting to keep him close. 

“Mum.”

“Yeah.”

“I know you’re trying but none of those words are comforting.” He says. “I think it’s just one of those things I’ll have to live with.”

“Then we’ll live with it together.” Yaz says, pulling him closer for a rather damp hug. 

Once they’ve had their moment Cameron and Yaz find Jenny sitting in the park cafe. Cameron runs off to play on all the park equipment and do cartwheels on the grass, meaning that he doesn’t spot how his mum is hunched over her notepad working. 

“Are you seriously-”

“You wouldn’t let me finish it last night and technically you and Cam weren’t here so it wasn’t neglecting family time!” Jenny defends herself for working on her masters degree, holding the notepad as far away from Yaz as possible so she can’t confiscate it.

Yaz doesn’t bother even reaching for it and just sits down next to her wife to watch Cameron play. And make sure they’re there in case he falls off something or scrapes his knee.

“What did he say?” Jenny asks, sensing that Yaz has got some information she needs to share. 

“He’s… he says after their sex ed lesson last week his friends keep asking stuff like ‘if you’re a boy, why are you going to grow boobs?’.”

“Oh… shit.” Yaz sees Jenny’s face go a shade more pale. 

“Jen I know we said we’d take him to consultations and buy him binders when he needs them but do you think we should do something now to help?” Yaz asks. 

“Like what?” Jenny asks, just as lost as she is. 

“I don’t know. I wish there was some kind of magic pill that can give him time. Keep his chest flat for a bit longer so he doesn’t start hating his body or getting made fun of.”

“Puberty blockers.” Jenny says. 

“Huh?” Yaz stops watching Cameron and turns to look at Jenny in her chair.

“There are things called puberty blockers. Some kids start taking them at Cam’s age.”

“Why didn’t you say anything about them before?” Yaz asks. 

“I didn’t realise he might’ve wanted to start on them.” Jenny shrugs, evidently mad at herself. 

“Do you want to talk to him about it or should I?” Yaz asks.

“I’ll do it. I know the science” Jenny comfortably rests her head on Yaz’s shoulder. “Does it make me a bad mum if I didn’t think of bringing it up before?”

“No Jen.” She kisses the top of her head. “Not at all.”

They watch Cameron attempt to get himself as high up on the swings as possible and jump off multiple times, Yaz praying for the sake of his knee caps each time. Jenny’s head stays on her shoulder the whole time they watch, her masters research remaining untouched and the way her breathing against her skin reminds Yaz that everything's going to be alright. That is until she sees one of their neighbors, Susan, a woman about in her early fifties with the figure of a stick and a gaunt face and a ‘can I speak to the manager’ haircut. Jenny hates her. Yaz tolerates her. But overall they avoid Susan as much as they can.

“Suburban terrorist at one o’clock.” Yaz mutters.

“Ladies!” Susan sings across the two meters she has left until she reaches them.

“Oh God.” Jenny lifts her head away from Yaz’s shoulder and braces herself for impact.

“Hello Susan.” Yaz greets her kindly.

“Since the weather’s so nice I’m organizing an end of term barbecue for the kids on the street!” Susan hands them a flyer she’s made and they exchange a quick glance that clearly says  _ ‘did she really make flyers for this?’ _ . “I think it would be fun, you know, get the whole street together, Cameron can mix with the norm- other kids.”

“None of his friends live on the street?” Jenny says frowning. Yaz can feel her blood starting to boil at even the hint of her suggesting the other kids are ‘normal’ and Cameron isn’t.

“New friends, Jen.” Yaz has to correct her line of thinking. 

“Oh. Well you’ll have to ask him. He’s going through a bit of a phase.” Jenny says. He’s not actually in his  _ ‘cling to mum's leg and refuses to talk to people he doesn’t know’ _ phase anymore but meeting a new group of ten year olds when he’s feeling what he disclosed to Yaz earlier could cause some discomfort, so Yaz can see where Jenny’s coming from. 

“Mum I’m hungry.” Cameron runs up to Yaz so quickly that it’s actually Yaz’s body that stops him from careering into Jenny and the table. 

“Tell mum what you want and we’ll order and call you over when it gets here.” Yaz says. 

“I need a menu.” Cameron says, lost as to how he can choose which delight from the cafe to choose if he doesn’t know what there is to choose from. 

“Run inside and get one, I haven’t decided either.” Jenny says in full knowledge she’s going to get the jacket potato with beans, cheese and bacon with a strawberry milkshake like she always does when they eat here.

“Does he not… get confused.” Susan whispers as Cameron runs inside.

“What’s to be confused about?” Jenny asks, Susan’s confusion rubbing off on her.

“Calling both of you mum.” Susan says like it’s an obvious thing to be confused about. 

“We are both his mum though, so.” Jenny shrugs. Yaz expects nothing less to come out of Susan's wire thin lips.

“But which… I mean who… which is mum mum and which is dad mum?” Susan asks, her voice an annoyingly high pitch. 

“We’re both mum mum.” Yaz says, her tone becoming more and more defensive as this conversation goes on. “Simple as.” 

“If you’re asking who wears it, she does mostly.” Jenny says. Yaz’s eyes widen so much she can feel the small breeze in the air on her eyeballs. 

“Wears…?” The smile fades from Susan’s face as it takes her longer to figure it out. 

“You know, in bed. If you’re trying to figure out who’s the man.” 

Jenny says it with so much confidence and in a passive aggressive nature Yaz knows now she’s simply trying to aggravate the woman into walking away from them in disgust. It’s a strange way to do it, but Yaz lets Jenny have her fun. The penny drops right when Cameron comes back and hands a laminated menu to Jenny. 

“Hey Cam, would you like to go over to Susan’s and have a barbecue and play with other kids on the street at the end of term?” Yaz asks to keep Susan with them that little bit longer, just to make her squirm in her own prude attitude.

“I’m going to Nick and Tom’s on the last day of term.” Cameron says, looking up at Susan with a wariness. 

“That’s cool bud, you can do that.” Jenny says. “Have you decided?”

“Yeah.” Cameron nods enthusiastically, his focus now solely on his parents. 

“Come on then.” Jenny gets up.

“Hang on what about me?” Yaz asks. She’s hungry too.

“I know what you like.” Jenny grins over her shoulder and winks seductively at Yaz. Yaz has to press her lips tightly together to not laugh at how uncomfortable they’re making their neighbor. “Bye Susan.” Jenny adds. No seductive wink this time.

“Well the invites there.” Susan says, her voice cracking as she presses her hand to her chest. 

She takes one last look at Yaz, tries to smile, and walks off with an urgency to her steps. Yaz sits smiling to herself over how her and Jenny will probably be the main topic of Susan’s next ‘drinks with the girls’ evening. The drama of it all humors Yaz, as none of it means anything to her and even if something reaches Jenny’s work they pass her off as too stupid to have said anything that extreme or ghastly. Cameron speeds past her practically throwing his juice carton onto the cafe table to get the last few minutes of playtime in before food arrives.

“You’re bad.” Yaz tells Jenny.

“Am I though?” Jenny tilts her head and sips her milkshake through her straw, placing Yaz’s lemonade down in front of her. 

“She might never talk to us again.”

“And that’s a problem?” Jenny asks. 

“Remember when she went to visit Wilf’s daughter next door and we did it in the kitchen just so she could hear us through the walls? If she still talked to us after that-”

“Please, she left us alone for three months after that.”

“Those were three good months.” Yaz remembers wistfully. 

“Well done for not snapping at her ,dad mum.” Jenny holds up her glass. 

“Thank you for getting rid of her, mum mum.”

They clink their glasses together and smile; enjoying their Susan free time in the park watching Cameron show off his gymnastics moves, grass staining his shorts and enjoying life with no worries because his parents are able to give him the support he needs. And Yaz is proud, so very proud of her family today.


	8. dancing on the kitchen tiles (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before their "wedding ceremony" Jenny can't sleep and Yaz is determined to find out what's keeping her awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remembered this is not just "part 3 of yaz and jenny bringing up cameron through one shots" but he will be back

Yaz doesn’t understand why she’s so cold during the arse-end of spring until she notices she’s in bed alone. She definitely fell asleep with Jenny next to her. Maybe she had a bad dream, Yaz considers, but this isn’t what Jenny does when she has a bad dream. It’s when she notices the faint hum of love songs drifting through the walls from the kitchen does Yaz know what Jenny’s doing. It’s the playlist for their ‘wedding’ tomorrow. Their celebration. 

Yaz swings her legs out of bed, wakes Supreme up in the process, and the two of them pad along the floor in the dark to seek out their owner. Jenny doesn’t notice Yaz at first and it’s not because she doesn’t have her contacts in because she’s wearing her glasses. Yaz notices she’s focused on her notepad in front of her, chewing her pen and scribbling away words that obviously aren’t coming to her naturally. The only light is coming from their tiny window. Jenny says she promises to make sure their kitchen in their new house (when they’ve eventually saved up enough) is going to have wall sized windows in the kitchen that will look out onto the garden. Yaz isn't really that fussed since she likes to stay logistical but sometimes in her fantasies she thinks about it.

"What are you doing?" Yaz whispers scooping Jenny up from behind to hug her tightly and place soft kisses on the exposed part of her shoulder. 

"Thinking." Jenny mumbles.

"You're always thinking." Yaz mumbles back, loosening her grip on her wife. “Is that your speech?”

“Spoilers.” Jenny says. 

The piece of paper has crossed out sentiments and misplaced words here, there and everywhere. She just doesn’t seem to have a consistent point on the entire page.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, Jen, I’ve got a speech to fill the time.” Yaz offers. Tomorrow is going to be chilled out, not like a proper big wedding. They’ve never wanted anything like that. Just family and friends coming for a party. 

“I want to do one, I just… science is more my language.” Jenny mutters. 

“I know.” Yaz smiles, pressing her face into Jenny’s cheek. 

“Will you be mad if I don’t get up and say how much I love you in front of everyone?” Jenny asks. 

Yaz shakes her head. “It’s not like wedding vows Jen, you’ve already married me.” 

“I’m nervous.” Jenny places her hands on top of Yaz's for a sweet dose of comfort.

“Why?” Yaz whispers. 

“Can’t dance.”

Yaz slides in front of Jenny and silently, with a gentle smile on her face, holds her in a casual dance hold and with a little encouragement starts to sway. 

“I want to lead.” Jenny complains. 

“Go on then.” Yaz encourages her. Jenny hesitates. 

“Tomorrow.” Jenny hides her face in Yaz’s neck and all Yaz can do is smile wider.

Jenny’s been rather quiet the past few days regarding their big event. She’s been letting Yaz make the decision mostly while she just sits and plays around with the cat. Jenny is cute anyway but for Yaz she’s been extra sweet and once Yaz got past the suspicion of Jenny having done something bad she quite enjoyed having her like it.

“What are you really nervous about?” Yaz asks, her voice gentle and sweet.

“All those people there are going to be looking at me.” Jenny says, pulling Yaz’s body tighter to hers. Yaz knows this tactic is just to hide her face but she moves her arms so that it’s more like they’re hugging rather than dancing. 

“We know all those people. It’ll be okay.” Yaz says.

“No, you know all those people.” Jenny lifts her head and Yaz readjusts how her glasses are sitting on her nose, crooked from resting her head on Yaz’s shoulder. “Yaz everyone that’s going is your family and then just a handful of my friends.”

Yaz cups Jenny’s cheek with her hand, making her look her in the eye no matter how uncomfortable she feels about the subject. “My family is your family.”

“I haven’t even met half of them.” Jenny whines, panic creeping up. 

“If you wanted the guest list reduced you could have asked me-”

“No- no, no I don’t want that. I don’t want that. I’m just scared of messing up in front of them and then that’s their first impression of me forever.”

“Jen.” Yaz whispers. “Tomorrow is supposed to be about me and you. Not them. And if you trip over your feet or fall over completely, pretend it’s just us in the kitchen.”

“Like now?”

“Like now.” Yaz smiles and nods. “What suit will you be wearing?”

“Not telling.” Jenny smiles. 

“C’mon, give me a sneak preview.” Yaz tries to coax some information out of her. “Tell me. Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell-”

“I tell you something if you tell me something.” Jenny attempts a compromise.

“You already know what I’m wearing, you helped me choose it.” 

“Tell me something else then.” Jenny says with a mysterious look in her eyes, glinting in the moonlight. “I know you’ve been keeping at least one secret from me this whole time, it’s written all over your face.” 

Busted, Yaz rolls her eyes. “Close your eyes.”

Jenny screws her eyes shut and Yaz heads to the cupboard under the sink, crouching down and rummaging through cleaning supplies to get to the small box right at the back. Her wife never ever cleans the kitchen no matter how much of the cooking she does so she knows even if Jenny did go looking for Yaz’s secret she would never have found it and she hasn’t, because Yaz feels the velvet box and pulls it out. She opens the box and reveals its contents: a silver ring like hers but with numbers etched around the edge. 53, 116, 63, 39, 8, 92. Each number is an atomic number that links to an element on the periodic table that spells out ‘I LvE YOU’. She’s missing an O but she couldn’t find an element that was just a stand alone L so Livermorium has to do.

“Open again.” Yaz instructs. 

Yaz watches Jenny open her eyes and locate the ring Yaz is holding out in front of her. Her eyes light up once and then again when she takes it out of its casing and her brain connects the meaning of the numbers. Yaz takes it away from her again.

“I thought it was about time I got you a wedding ring.” Yaz shrugs, placing the ring on Jenny’s ring finger on her left hand. “I was going to give it to you tomorrow but-”

“I love you too.” Jenny says, cupping Yaz’s cheek with her left hand, ring cold against her skin and her other hand presses its palm against her scar on her stomach while her lips press softly against hers. 

Yaz wraps her arms loosely around Jenny’s neck and when she backs away Yaz kisses her once more with more of a firmness behind her before pulling her into an inevitable hug. She loves her. She still loves her like she always has and she doesn’t care if she can’t dance or she doesn’t have any family. One day they’ll make a family of their own but for now Yaz is happy for it to be just the two of them and the cat. 

“Can we go back to bed now?” Yaz asks, her voice choked by how tight Jenny is holding her. 

“Give me a minute.” Jenny says, somehow managing to squish her even tighter but Yaz doesn’t mind. She’ll never mind being hugged by Jenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> date me, I come up with good gift ideas


	9. teenage dirtbag (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz gets a concerning call from Cameron's school and her and Jenny have to deal with it like responsible parents (who have no idea what they're doing when it comes to this)
> 
> i.e the one where I wanted a cuddle and a tight family unit so I wrote a tight family unit and two wives having a cuddle because I can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: teenage bullying

Yaz has been dreading this day for a while now. She’s seen it coming: slipping grades, staying out later that her and Jenny tell him to, sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night for a cheeky cigarette, spending less time with his usual friends and talking about new names Yaz can’t put a face to, spending less time with his parents and now the phone call from school telling her Cameron’s been in a fight. Thankfully Yaz has just finished her shift and is on the way home so she’ll be there to meet him even if Jenny’s not. 

Except when she gets home and it’s the time Cameron usually comes through the door, there’s no sign of him. The only hint of life in the house are the two cats and Jenny’s new pet K9, the two year old black lab charging towards her.

“Down- down boy! Sit.” Yaz orders before he can destroy her work uniform. He does. “At least you behave.” She mutters, dropping to her knees so she can give the dog a cuddle. It’s Friday. Her uniform needs washing this weekend anyway. 

Yaz walks through the kitchen to let the dog out the back into the garden. Jenny pays a dog nanny to come in the middle of the day and let him out to go to the toilet and stretch his legs on the days they’re all at work and school at the same time. While he’s out there playing Yaz goes and gets changed, keeping an ear out for the sound of the front door and any other sign of life that’s human. There’s no sign of anyone else at all really for an hour until Jenny comes home. 

“That you Yaz?” Jenny calls. 

“Yeah.” Yaz calls from where she is in the kitchen. She’s standing over the stove trying to follow a new recipe for some kind of fancy pie Jenny picked out to try. Something to keep her mind busy.

“Cam in his room?” Jenny asks, dumping a big plastic box of student exercise books on the table to be marked. 

“No, have you not listened to my messages?” Yaz asks. It’s hard to tell if Jenny’s attention is actually on her rather than greeting the dog. 

“I was driving. What’s up?” Jenny asks, completely oblivious. 

“He got in a fight at school and he’s not come home yet.” Yaz explains. 

“It’s a Friday, he just turned fifteen, give him some freedom. He’s probably just out with some friends in the park.” Jenny says, annoyingly unbothered.

“He got in a fight at school Jen.” Yaz has to refrain from grabbing her wife by the shoulders and shaking her to make her realise how serious this is. This is when they really do have to be on the exact same page in regards to parenting.

“So then there’s some extra teenage angst in there. Let him cool off for a bit then he’ll come home.” Jenny shrugs.

“Why aren’t you taking this seriously?” Yaz huffs.

“I am but… it’s just Cameron. What’s he going to do?” Jenny flaps her arms around as if to say ‘I dunno what to say’. So, she moves on to the normal ‘we’ve both just got home’ talk. “How was work?”

“The usual.” Yaz says the short answer as Jenny leans over to kiss her cheek. 

“Are you okay with me walking the dog quickly?” Jenny asks. The way she always asks. 

Yaz nods. “Don’t be long.” 

“You can come with me if you want.” Jenny suggests. Yaz usually does go with her if they’re both home in time for an evening walk but tonight she’s not feeling it. 

“I don’t want Cameron to come home and neither of us be here.” Yaz says. 

“Suit yourself.” Jenny takes the lead off the hook on the wall. “Come on boy.” She pats her thigh and K9 comes running to her side and lets her attach the lead to his collar. 

Yaz reaches into the tin cupboard and pulls out two little black bags that Jenny has neglected to remember. “Poop bags.” She says, and Jenny comes running back. 

“Thank you.” She plants another kiss on Yaz’s cheek then disappears.

Jenny doesn’t see Cameron on her walk around the park. Cameron doesn’t arrive home in time for dinner. Yaz starts to panic. Jenny calms her down by suggesting they make the most of it and use this waiting time to watch a film together. It even works for a little bit until Jenny puts on the sequel and Yaz checks the time. Knowing that as the night creeps on her distraction tactics are losing their effects on the both of them Jenny turns to doing stupid things and makign the dog to stupid things. The two of them roll around on the floor, provoke each other into idiocy and it makes Yaz smile. But even then, at midnight K9 gets tired knowing it’s way past the time everyone is home and in bed and Jenny with nothing else to do tries to encourage Yaz to go upstairs to sleep.

Yaz refuses and chooses to send a text to Cameron instead. He’s had enough time to ‘cool off’ and even now Jenny doesn’t try to stop her proving that she’s right. In fact she encourages her.

_‘Please at least let us know you have a roof over your head tonight. The back door will be unlocked if you need to come home X.’_ She texts, her words just adding to the long list of others she’s secretly been sending since she got back from work but had no response from. _‘I love you kid.’_ She promptly adds. 

“Go to bed Yaz.” Jenny insists. “I’ll stay up.”

“I want to stay up.” Yaz insists, but more firmly than Jenny does. “At least until I know he’s seen my text.” 

“How do you know he’s the one that opened it though and not someone else?”

“Jenny!” Yaz whines at her.

“Oh- shit sorry. Shouldn’t have asked that. Should not have said that.” Jenny curses herself. “You’re definitely not going to bed now are you?”

“No. I’m not.” Yaz grumbles at her. Now she’s thinking about which would be worse: her son lying in a ditch dead or her son captured by a mad man about to get murdered and dumped in a ditch. 

“Look, you’re police. You know the facts about fifteen year olds not coming home for a night at the weekend and it’s never as bad as the media makes you think.” Jenny says, almost reading Yaz’s mind. 

“It’s different when they’re yours.” Yaz mumbles and curls her knees into her chest for comfort.

“He could have just run out of phone battery.” Jenny suggests, trying to make her feel better. “You know, he-”

“Shut up a second Jen.” Yaz stops her mid sentence.

“Rude.” 

“Ssh!”

Even the dog picks up on the light sound of footsteps heading towards the back of the house. They all sit trying not to even breathe so everyone can focus on the movement outside. Both Jenny and Yaz stand in anticipation of an intruder but when the stranger moves the back door handle in the specific way there’s only one person it can be.

“Cameron.” Jenny sighs with a level of relief that indicates she was worrying just as much as Yaz was when Cameron walks through the door.

“Where have you been?” Yaz asks. 

“Just leave me alone alright.” He storms past them, heading for the staircase.

“Can’t do that buddy.” Jenny says, starting to follow him. Yaz follows Jenny. The dog follows Yaz.

“Not when I get phone calls from scho- stop, Cam, and talk to us.” Yaz says firmly and calmly, like she’s at work. Like she’s trained to talk to renegades and people that most definitely aren’t the same as her son.

“I don’t want to talk to you! I don’t care!” Cameron shouts dramatically, purposefully treading heavy as he starts up the stairs. 

“Are you drunk?” Yaz asks. 

“No I’m not. What are you going to do, breathalyze me officer?” Cameron stops halfway up the stairs and leans over the banister with his arms wide open. It’s the first time Yaz has ever felt threatened in her own home.

Here we go. Teenage angst.

“Cameron don’t talk to your mo-”

“You’re not my mum! Neither of you are my mother just fuck off!” He shouts at Jenny. He’s never shouted at Jenny before. Never dared to.

“We _are_ your parents. We know you and we can help!” Yaz bites back, her coolness starting to disappear as the statements Cameron throws at them become more and more personal. 

“And I know you! I know you both talk about me, I know you think I can't stand up for myself, I know you have sex every Wednesday night but every third Wednesday of the month you try a new kink to keep your stail love life fresh, I know Jenny’s autistic even though you just call her breakdowns funny moments to try and protect me from it which is stupid because it’s so obvious, I know you have bad anxiety sometimes but neither of you actually know shit about me!” 

Cameron stomps up the last few steps while Jenny and Yaz can only stand in shock and silence until they hear his bedroom door slam and Jenny almost jumps out of her skin at the sound. Yaz can feel her gaze on her, searching for something reassuring to say to them both but she needs a moment alone. Eleven years of raising him, helping him grow into a good, sweet, young man, always having been supportive of him and he’s just turned around and screamed at her that she’s not his mother. By the time Yaz is able to look over at Jenny the pair of them are both on the brink of tears, neither of them letting themselves break for the sake of the other- the dog choosing to abandon them to go and see Cameron.

“Let him cool off.” Jenny quickly pulls Yaz into a hug. Maybe to comfort her, definitely to hide her face. Cameron should be stone cold by now, how much more does he need to ‘cool off’?

“That was my fault.” Yaz is just as quick to blame herself. Why did she have to confront him the second he came home?

“We could have gone about it differently but I think it was coming anyway.” Jenny mumbles. In fact they’re lucky to have got this far with him without a bigger bust up.

“I don’t know what’s worse, that he thinks we’re not his parents or the fact he called our sex life stail.” Yaz tries to see if humor will help. 

“He only knows about Wednesdays not Sundays, we’re good.” 

“Seriously Jenny don’t.” Yaz decides humor does not help. 

“Hey.” Jenny sniffs and pulls her head back, gently cupping Yaz’s face with both her hands. “We are his parents.” She reaffirms.

“I know.” Yaz nods. 

“Whether he likes it or not.” 

“Well he obviously doesn't like it.” Yaz sighs. 

“We’ll figure out what’s going on, I promise.”

Jenny strokes Yaz’s cheek with her thumbs and overloaded with all sorts of different emotions Yaz holds onto her wrist to keep her doing it. Yaz stands there and lets Jenny fuss over her, knowing that that’s her way of processing heavy emotion, and takes her own comfort from it until she’s still stressed but past the point of caring. Now she’s just tired. 

“Do you remember before we had kids? Before even Aliya came into the picture?” Yaz asks. 

“Course I do. Why?”

“Sometimes I just like to think about it. When it was just us.” Yaz smiles sadly. It doesn’t mean to come out as sad but that time seems like a lifetime away. 

The frown line on Jenny’s forehead deepens. 

“Are you saying you regret Cam-”

“No! No of course not, he’s one of the best things to happen to us I just…” Yaz holds Jenny’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “it was easier.”

“We were skint and almost split up at one point-” 

“Jen.” 

“- but I know what you mean.” Jenny smiles softly. “I miss the days when I only had to worry about _you_ being happy.” 

Jenny blinks nervously, unsure whether she’s allowed to say that. By saying she used to only worry about Yaz she’s admitting that she worries a lot more than she cares to admit nowadays about a lot more people than she talks about.

“Let’s go to bed. Get some sleep and deal with it in the morning.” Jenny says. Yaz doesn’t argue against her this time.

Naturally Yaz can’t sleep. Instead she lays on her back looking up at the glow in the dark stars above their bed and thinks about what’s going to happen tomorrow. Are they going to all formally sit around the table and discuss what happened today? WIll Cameron sneak out in the morning before she and Jenny are up to avoid the conversation and just let the issue fizzle out? What if he lies and how is Yaz going to know he’s lying? With her mind running wild Yaz shuffles into Jenny’s back.

“Are you awake too?” Yaz whispers into Jenny’s ear. 

“I’m thinking about how to deal with him.” Jenny says. Yaz smiles at how in tune they are with each other- despite the circumstances. 

“Jen.” Yaz says her name and right on cue Jenny turns her head with questioning eyes. _What do you want? What do you need? I’ll do anything for you._ “Can I have a cuddle?” Yaz asks. 

“Sure.”

Jenny maneuvers so that her head rests in the center of Yaz’s chest and settles with a loving hum. 

“No I meant you cuddle me.” Yaz says.

“Oh, right, yeah, I can do that.” Jenny shuffles up while Yaz shuffles down and they reposition themselves. The second Yaz’s arm drapes over Jenny's stomach, her ear rests against the thrum of her chest and Jenny’s arms envelop her; she feels ten times better. “You’re topping on Sunday though.”

Yaz lightly chuckles at Jenny’s neediness to be loved. “Whatever you want Jen.”

“You are the one that just asked for a cuddle.” Jenny says. Yaz can feel her smile on the top of her head and then her lips kissing the spine of her hair then she settles back into her pillow. “You know I’m so used to you comforting me at night that I never thought I’d have to do something like this. Maybe when your parents eventually get sick or pass-”

“Don’t finish that sentence Jenny.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” She apologies. “I’m just rambling because of-”

“Cameron.”

“-yeah.” Jenny sighs. 

Yaz reaches up and rubs the soft patch behind Jenny’s ear to make her sigh full of contentment. Or at least as full of contentment as she can be, considering. She tries not to dwell on what Cameron said to them or what she wishes she had said back or what she wants to say in the morning; she just lets herself be held by her ever faithful wife. She squishes herself into Jenny’s body, forcing one of her legs between Jenny’s so she’s half laying on top of her and Jenny accepts her so that they’re an entanglement of limbs. One unit.

“I love you more than anything Yaz Khan.” Jenny whispers. “You’re so strong and so loving and kind. I love you more than the moon, more than the stars-”

“You don’t love anything more than the stars.” Yaz calls out her lie.

“Alright you got me there but…” Jenny reshuffles and her voice gets a little more serious. “Sometimes I just think about you Yaz- not as my wife or as Cam’s mother but just as Yaz the person and she’s amazing. And sometimes I wonder how she puts up with me when I’m moody about things I shouldn’t be or my dog voms on the good carpet or my farts smell really bad.”

“I like the smell of your farts sometimes.” Yaz interrupts. 

“Ew, gross.” Jenny laughs.

“You’re right, I’m lying. They stink but I still love you anyway.” 

“Exactly. Why do you put up with me?” Jenny asks very sincerely. So sincerely that Yaz lifts her head up and strokes Jenny’s stomach with her fingers.

“Because you’re my Jenny. My best friend. My lover. My-”

“Hang on a minute I’m supposed to be making _you_ feel better.” Jenny stops her from going on.

Yaz doesn’t have a comeback for that. For the first time that night she smiles properly, tucks her head under Jenny’s chin and feels warm curled into her. With Jenny stroking her back and holding her just as tight Yaz falls asleep in a matter of minutes. She dreams of nothing. Just sleeps until she doesn’t anymore. 

When she wakes up in a totally different position to how she fell asleep- Jenny still near her, but sleeping in her own personal space- Yaz sees Cameron standing sheepishly by her bedside table, still in his school uniform with his arms rigid at his side like he’s frozen in time. 

“Cam?” Yaz rubs her eyes. When her hands move away, he’s still there. Not a hallucination like she first suspected.

“You said I could come to you whenever I have trouble.” Cameron says, his voice cracking with every other word. “Even in the middle of the night.”

“What is it Cam, what's wrong?” Yaz sits up, moving to kneel on her bed so she’s the same height. Since when did he get so tall?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said you weren’t my parents. I know it hurt you both.” Cam sniffles and the small bit of light from the mood reflects in the tears he can’t hold back anymore falling down his cheek. 

“It did Cam but it’s okay. It’s okay, just tell us what’s wrong and we’ll make it okay.” Yaz cups his face and uses her thumbs to wipe the tears away. His eyes are tired, his skin looks pale and he’s trying not to let Yaz see it by staring at the floor. “What’s wrong my baby?” Yaz sighs making desperate attempts to look into his eyes.

“Mum.” The boy falls into Yaz’s arms leaving her to hold him tight. 

She hasn't heard him cry like this for years, sobbing into her shoulder and making her top wet through. Hearing him cry is somehow worse than him referring to Jenny by her name, not ‘mum’. Worse than thinking about him out somewhere in trouble because that was all hypothetical. This is real. 

“Cameron?” Jenny wakes up and Yaz hears her get out of bed and pad across the floor towards them both. The moment Jenny’s hand touches Cameron’s back he turns away from Yaz and falls into Jenny. 

“I’m sorry.” He blubs into Jenny’s shoulder this time. 

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Jenny says as she tries her best to coax Cameron’s face away from her shoulder. Knowing it won’t work just by looking at him Yaz runs her hand through his hair instead- silently telling him what Jenny is saying out loud. “It’s okay.” 

Cameron chooses to sit his parents down on the sofa while he stands in front of them and explains. Jenny has promised to not butt in too soon and Yaz has promised not to judge until she knows the whole story which only makes her more worried about what’s about to be explained to them. 

“Okay, so, I um, a few months ago I...”

“Breathe, Cam.” Jenny says. Yaz nudges her side to remind her of her agreement to stay quiet but then realises she’s only trying to help.

“Well first I want to say sorry. For everything I said last night. I didn’t mean it, I swear.” Cameron says then pauses to give Jenny and Yaz a chance to respond. 

“We accept your apology Cameron but if you really do feel like we don’t know you we want to do something about it.” Yaz says. Sometimes saying you didn’t mean it actually means you did mean it, but you don’t want to bother facing the consequences of saying it. 

“I guess you want to know why I was fighting at school.” Cameron shrugs. 

“Go on.” Jenny encourages him. 

“H-how much did the school tell you mum?” He asks.

“Just that you got in a fight with another boy. I didn’t get details but they invited us in for a meeting on Monday.” Yaz says. 

“Right. Well.” Cameron scratches the back of his neck. Jenny takes Yaz’s hand. “I’d like to say it’s because I was provoked but… I did it for a dare.” Cameron pauses again for a reaction. 

“You got into a fight for a dare?” Yaz asks. 

“Where were your friends in all this? What about Tristin? Or Jake or Aaron, what’s happened with them?” Jenny lists off some of Cameron’s friends that they haven’t heard of or had lingering in their house for hours on end, sitting around their kitchen table discussing equations from maths and poems from their English anthologies.

“I stopped hanging around them as much so I could hang out with this… this girl.” 

“Oh.” Yaz and Jenny say at the same time as they realise. There’s a girl in the picture. 

“So I um, I punched this guy and then I heard her and her friends laughing behind me and I realised they were just stringing me along you know? For a laugh, to see the skinny boy try and go up against a testosterone filled lad and lose. So I just... kept going.” 

“Cam…” Yaz sighs his name. She is a little disappointed in him if truth be told. 

“What’ve we told you about that kind of stuff?” Jenny asks if he remembers.

“I know! But- mum- I just… I really liked her and I thought…” Cameron trails off.

It’s obvious that he’s upset that a girl he really likes has played him. Feeling upset for him- and how he’s keeping himself together while telling this story- Yaz scooches away from Jenny to create a space between them and pats her hand on the cushion. 

“Come and sit.” Yaz says. Cameron hesitates but he does as he’s told with Jenny immediately draping her arm over his shoulder and pulls him into her side so she can kiss the short part of his short back and sides haircut. 

“No girl is worth getting in a physical fight for.” Jenny says. She’s better at doing the talk about girls. 

“You always say you would fight people for mum.” Cameron says.

“That’s because I’ve already put a ring on her finger.” Jenny says. “And when I say that, I mean if anyone was attacking her I would defend her just as much as she would defend me. Would that girl you like defend you? Or would she stand and laugh?” Jenny asks, already knowing the answer. 

“I don’t know how to fix this.” Cameron groans. 

“You take your punishment at school and you start hanging out with your old friends again. Invite them over for dinner.” Yaz says; the latter part being more of a suggestion. 

“And you will get a girlfriend at some point Cam. I promise. Teenage girls in school aren’t interested in anyone but themselves and their social status- trust me I work with them every day.” Jenny reassures him. “I didn’t meet your mum until I was twenty-two.”

“Please don’t start getting soppy.” Cameron grumbles and sits up away from Jenny. 

“I remember it like it was yesterday...” Jenny says, overly wistful and reminiscent. 

“And I’m going out.” Cameron gets up. 

“Wait Cam-” Yaz catches his sleeve as he passes. “Keep talking to us mate, yeah? Doesn’t have to all be today but… you know we’re here, don’t just go running off without a word again.”

“I will.” Cameron agrees with a look of regret about last night.

“Also where are you going?” Yaz asks, changing her tune.

“Might give Tristan a call.” Cam shrugs. Yaz believes him. Trusts him.

“We’re getting pizza from Gino’s tonight so be back by half seven. Bring Tristan if you like.” Jenny says, having made the executive decision about what they're all eating tonight. 

“I will mum.”

Cameron smiles and kisses both Jenny and Yaz on the cheek before he leaves. Yaz turns to her wife and smiles like they’re just won a battle- not the war, but certainly a battle. 

“Our son is a simp.” Jenny sighs. 

“Takes after his mother.” Yaz scooches back towards her to give her a proper kiss. “I love you Jenny.”

“I love you too.” Jenny gives her hand a tight squeeze.

“Jen.”

“Yeah?”

“A simp means you’ll bend over backwards to do anything for a girl right?” Yaz checks. She’s not certain on the exact definition. 

“Not sure, I just heard some of the students say it sometimes.”

“Are we old?” Yaz asks. 

“Let’s not go there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the other day I thought 'I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking about Jenny and Yaz?' and the answer is no I will not for I am far too attached and whether they come out in half-assed drabbles like this or big fat chapters they'll always just be here


	10. pretty fake smile (G)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first ever chapter but from Jenny's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go back to the first chapter to get the dialog right and HOW did y'all put up with it skdjhfskjhd christ alive man I can't believe my growth

Technically she’s a fresher. She falls into the category of all these new students she’s seeing outside her window heading into town to shop for mattress protectors and things they couldn’t get with their parents looking like condoms and alcohol. That’s what’s happening in front of Jenny Smith. Behind her in the kitchen her best friends Clara and Amy are making themselves some lunch. Jenny’s not hungry. She’s never really hungry around Rose’s anniversary. 

“You’re coming out tonight.” Clara suddenly appears by her side. It takes Jenny a moment to realise that her words are not a question. 

“Clara-”

“No buts Jen, you’ve not been out for months and I’m worried about you. There are only so many times you can rearrange you books into alphabetical order and fold your tshirts into a colour coordinated pile.” She says. 

“I don’t have to go out to have a good time.” Jenny says, knowing that actually Clara is right and she should probably leave the house sometime soon before school starts up again.

“Okay. When was the last time you met someone new?” Amy tests her. 

Jenny shuffles awkwardly. “New years eve.”

“January. Right. It’s September now Jennifer and you’re coming out with me.” Clara demands.

“Don’t call me Jennifer.” Jenny snaps. 

“Well you’re acting like a real Jennifer.” Clara snaps back at her. Deciding she doesn’t need this and would rather go upstairs and read a book or watch a documentary or literally anything Jenny tries to walk away. “I’m sorry Jen.” Clara grabs onto her arm to stop her. “That was insensitive of me.”

Jenny pauses. Truth be told she’s had daydreams about what tonight would be like. It’s a second chance to act like a first time student again but with less grief. She’s dreamt about perhaps meeting a nice girl with a pretty face that if she plays it right might want to hang out with her at a later date but daydreaming doesn’t manifest into reality. She’ll meet someone with an alright face in the dark that then looks ugly between her legs and once she’s left Jenny will cry because all she wants is to be loved again by a woman that isn’t twice her age. She doesn’t dream about finding new friends but she does dream about falling in love again. Maybe it’s time. If not she’ll end up married to science which in all honesty wouldn’t be so bad.

“I’ll come out but I don’t want to drink and I don’t want to speak to anyone I don’t want to speak to. And no loud spaces.” Jenny lays down her terms and conditions plain and clear for everyone to see. Amy sighs. Clara frowns. 

“That completely defeats… you know what it’s fine. At least you’re coming out.” Clara signs on the verbal dotted line. 

“You never know Jen you might end up talking to a nice girl that you might end up asking to marry you one day.” Amy shrugs and takes a bite out of her PB and J.

“I highly doubt that.” Jenny says, despite her secret hopes. Hoping doesn’t get you anything but more dreams you can’t achieve. 

“We all miss Rose, honestly we do but I think it would be nice for you to meet someone.” Clara adds. 

“Me too.” Jenny nods, but she doesn’t get too enthusiastic about it. “I just know I won’t tonight."

Jenny stands outside of the student union club listening to the wind. She likes to think of the wind as Rose. Always there, always with her, keeping her company. Perhaps that’s how she’s coped these past three years, she’s not sure. All she knows is that inside people are drunk and sweaty and touching her. Nothing inappropriate, just bodies brushing up against her and her heart is in tune with the thumping rhythm of the music and it doesn’t help either. But the wind. The wind keeps her calm. She could even describe it as peaceful out here with the sound of the trees and the library lights shining in the distance. Jenny scuffs her shoes and plays with her hands and overall just talks to herself like the wind is listening. Like Rose is listening. In the much further distance Jenny can see a light on in the building at the top of the hill and considers calling River. It’s been a while since they’ve had a chat. Or the other… thing. Actually no, she decides that’s a bad idea. She doesn’t want that, Jenny doesn’t have any specific wants or needs at the moment. She likes standing here in the calm of the night and letting it surround her until she forgets. Resets.

Until suddenly the door to the building swings open and the girl who commanded it to do so walks out holding her arms around her stomach. Jenny doesn’t remember seeing her in there before. She looks young. Cute. Jenny likes her jacket and the boots she’s wearing. She looks cool and she has this black hair that Jenny just gets the urge to run her hands through and she bets it smells nice too but she knows she can’t. That would be weird, Jenny, she reminds herself. Stop being weird. Plus this girl is certainly new and not knowing where she’s going by the looks of it. Undeniably intrigued by this stranger Jenny watches her with one eye on the door wondering if any of her friends are going to follow her out. No one comes. With a small level of concern Jenny starts to walk then jog to catch up with the girl she does not know. 

“Are you alright?” Jenny asks the stumbling figure when she finally catches up to her. 

“I’m fine.” She obviously fakes a smile, which is something since Jenny can't usually tell when people are being fake or not. Jenny still thinks it’s a pretty smile. Nice teeth. Nice lips. Nice eyes even though they’re wet. Nice nose too. And her eyebrows are pretty neat too.

“Are you sure?” Jenny double checks. There’s something in this girl's voice that makes her concerned enough to reach out her hand to hold her shoulder. No sooner has her hand touched her jacket though she gets battered away quite aggressively. That pisses Jenny off. She’s only trying to do what’s right. “Alright I was only looking out for you.” 

Without missing a beat the girl leans against the nearby tree and vomits. Jenny grimaces. She’s not good with sick let alone strangers sick. That’s Rory’s thing. 

“Just another first year unable to handle their drink. I should’ve known.” Jenny mutters to herself. This is the exact reason she doesn’t come out on these nights- the exact reason she should have told Clara ‘no’.

“Fuck off.” The girl shouts at her. It hurts her more than it should and reminds her that she’s too kind sometimes. It makes her a doormat that’s easy to walk over.

Knowing when she’s unwanted Jenny turns back around to the building she came from but then she hears it. A sob. A sob any seasoned student would recognise as one of homesickness and fear. She turns back to see the outline of the young girl dragging her feet across the floor in the general direction of the campus accommodation while sniffling and crying to herself. Jenny looks back at the building. If she’s gone too long Clara will think she’s done a runner, which is exactly what she is doing but she could just say she’s helping a newbie out. Jenny looks back at the girl who doesn’t know what to do with her hands and finally realises she’s not drunk. The crying, the sniffing, the unpredictable behaviour. That’s a panic attack.

The wind changes, whispering in her ear and pushing the small of her back to _go. Follow her._ So Jenny does. She keeps a safe distance of course, zig zagging across the path and choosing parallel pathways to keep an eye on her from a different angle. Jenny doesn’t like the way this girl is shaking. Maybe it’s because she reminds her of her. In some ways Jenny wishes she could introduce herself again. Maybe ‘hi, I’m Jenny, do you need some help?’ or ‘hi my name is Jenny what’s yours?’. What is her name? It could be anything. It might be a beautiful name that feels good coming out of her mouth but how will she ever know? She might never see this girl again which would be fine because Jenny would be respecting her wishes to ‘fuck off’ but it would also be a shame to never properly get the chance to know someone. The more Jenny follows her the more she becomes a puzzle- an equation where Jenny can’t solve the x and it’s driving her mad but if she doesn’t try to solve her she’ll start thinking about how she’s following this girl who’s already told her to go away in the middle of the night and how creepy that is. Stupid Jenny why are you doing this? Jenny tries to keep her brian quiet after that. 

The shaking and lonely girl enters one of the newer accommodations eventually. Jenny doesn’t want to assume Daddy’s Money but she must have some cash to be able to afford to live in this block. She waits until the girl is fully inside and not wanting to be a proper stalker she dismisses the idea of watching the automatic lights turn on as the mystery girl makes her way up to her flat. 

Walking back through campus Jenny memorizes her interaction to see if she could have gone about anything differently. She decides no, she did everything she could and respected her wishes. She’s been a gentleman. It’s the best she can be. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Clara asks as Jenny approaches the front of the building again. She’s taken too long.

“Helped out a fresher girl who looked a bit lost.” Jenny points behind her with her thumb.

“Did she thank you?”

“Not exactly.” 

“Campus is small, you’ll probably see her again. Did you get her name?” Clara asks. 

“No. I didn’t.” Jenny shrugs. She wishes she had but she doesn’t know why she’s so strung up on it. It’s just a name. But then names hold the keys to so much more. 

“She sounds a bit rude to me mate.” Clara scoffs.

“I don’t think she was rude. I think she was just having a difficult night.” Jenny defends her. 

“You’re too nice to people Jen.” Clara drunkenly kisses Jenny’s temple which Jenny is quick to wipe off of her skin. “Let’s go home. You’re on shift at the shop tomorrow, gotta be bright eyed and bushy tailed for all the kids getting freshers' flu.” 

As Jenny lets her friend link arms with her she falls into her own fantasy world again. She thinks about what her new course is going to be like. She thinks about how she’s going to play around in the labs after hours to calm herself down. She thinks about River and whether she’ll need her this year. She considers whether she should quit her job at the mini supermarket on campus and get something else with better hours but as she thinks about it the wind picks up and tickles her neck so she gets rid of the idea completely. She thinks about what spot she’s going to take in the library this year- somewhere fresh, somewhere new. However still she thinks about how she’ll end up going to the library toilets and some newly loved up couple will probably be in the only working cubicle making it awkward for everyone else since that always happens. Jenny swears to herself she’ll never become one of those. At this rate she won’t ever get the chance.

She thinks about that girl again and her pretty fake smile. 

Jenny wonders if she’ll be lucky enough to ever get to see the real one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jenny was whipped from the start wbk


	11. time away (M) part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny has such a bad meltdown Yaz takes action and books a last minute camping trip for just the two of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I write this because I miss one very specific beach aka this one https://twitter.com/helenasmells/status/1293325683394060294?s=20 ? maybe, did I also write this because I had a big fat meltdown myself? very strong possibility also

Yaz drives the whole way down to the campsite. A few days ago, for the first time in years, Jenny had a meltdown that was so intense Yaz couldn’t get through to her. She had to stand there and watch her wife go through it alone. So, when Yaz could, she booked an emergency week off work, retrieved the camping equipment from the attic, packed the car, told Cameron to look after the dog and the cats and told Jenny to get ready. Cameron being the king of understanding doesn’t moan that they’re ruining his summer holiday or complain about wanting to come himself and in fact is probably grateful to be the man on the house. He also understands that his mum needs it. They need this time.

Jenny has stayed quiet most of the way down but is happy to become a control freak and give out orders, essentially putting herself in charge of erecting the whole thing. It’s late in the afternoon thanks to the delayed start to the day and the sun is lowering in the sky but that still doesn’t make it not-hot. Yaz hands her poles and water for when she needs a drink and holds bits of fabric down where she’s told until she’s told she can let go.  _ This is good for Jenny _ , she thinks.  _ Gets her doing things.  _

“Nice one Jen.” Yaz rubs Jenny’s back as she stands and looks at their creation. She still stays quiet. “Hey, I think I saw that there was a food van coming to the site tonight. We could have a nice night in for dinner? Or we could go out? What do you want?” 

“I just want to be quiet.” Jenny says. 

“Okay.” Yaz nods but really she wants to sigh. Not because Jenny isn’t making an effort, because she is, but because she hasn’t seen the love of her life like this for years. 

So, Yaz goes to investigate what’s going on at the reception. It’s Thai food van, which she knows Jenny won’t be keen on. Instead she orders herself a meal from the van and gets Jenny a pasty from the shop. They’ve come here every few years with Cameron and a couple of times by themselves before that but this is the first time Yaz feels like they’re on a proper adult holiday alone. 

“Here.” Yaz hands her the paper bag.

“No Pizza?” 

“No pizza.” Yaz says, retrieving a knife and fork and sitting in the camp chair next to her wife. 

“I was hoping it would be a pizza van.” Jenny sounds disappointed. 

“We’ll get a pizza tomorrow, yeah?” Yaz pulls her in by the shoulders and kisses Jenny’s temple. “We’ll do whatever you want.”

“You already do too much for me.” Jenny mumbles. Yaz sighs and rubs the balls of Jenny’s shoulder for comfort.

“Because you need it.” Yaz says. 

“Did you know that pasties were originally made for miners and you’re meant to hold them and eat them like this and then they throw the crust away?” Jenny focuses solely on the food in her hand.

“I didn’t Jen.” 

“And to be an official Cornish pasty it has to have a certain amount of crimps otherwise…” 

Yaz smiles and tucks into her food as Jenny keeps the conversation away from a discussion about how she’s feeling. The conversation was going that way and although they’ve already discussed what happened it’s still affecting how Jenny is in herself. Yaz doesn’t push it- she just listens to the facts Jenny lists to fill the time and answers her where appropriate. 

Because they’re so tired from the car journey they shower and send themselves straight to bed the minute they think it’s acceptable to. Yaz lays awake and sends Cameron an update on how they’re getting on and that they’ve made it there safe. Before she knows it Jenny is snoring lightly beside her and Yaz is reading her book under torch light. Since her incident Jenny hasn’t wanted to be touched. Only today has she allowed small points of contact and of course Yaz has stuck with it and respected her like she always does. She misses being able to hug her and kiss her goodnight as they get into bed and she hates that they have separate sleeping bags for this trip but she’s still there, sleeping next to her. Jenny’s still here. 

With the words on the pages in front of her no longer being processed in her head Yaz surrenders her book and her torch and tucks herself in for bed. The fresh air makes it easy to fall asleep and just as easy to wake up in the morning thanks to the natural morning light. The first thing she sees is Jenny, awake and staring at her. 

“Thank you.” Jenny whispers before Yaz can even say hello.

“For what?” Yaz yawns. 

“Everythin’.”

Yaz shuffles her sleeping bag and her body closer to Jenny to see if she might be lucky enough to get a kiss or maybe Jenny will hold her hand. Instead the blonde flinches and Yaz has to hide her disappointment. Maybe it’s too early.

“D’you want some toast?” Yaz asks, changing the subject to breakfast. 

“In a bit.”

Jenny takes herself out of her sleeping bag and transfers herself into Yaz’s. Yaz accepts her thinking it’s just going to be a cuddle. A ‘thank you for being patient with me’ cuddle but instead their lips collide which takes Yaz by surprise. A nice surprise though and she happily goes with it as she kisses all over her face. Yaz always feels loved when she does this, especially when she moves to her neck. 

“Someone woke up on a certain side of the tent.” Yaz smiles happily at the feeling of Jenny’s wet and hot tongue against her neck first thing in the morning. Jenny hums, adding to the sensation that’s quickly and unexpectedly setting Yaz’s heart racing. 

“Reminds me of when we were young.” Jenny says, peppering kisses down the slope of Yaz’s neck every other word. “Can I go… um…”

Jenny tails off without making anything but a gesture with her eyes down Yaz’s body. Yaz manages to guess easily what she’s alluding to, but, even then, it comes across as nervous and Yaz questions whether she really wants to do that. 

“You don’t owe me sex just for looking after you, Jenny.” Yaz whispers, pulling her hands out of the sleeping bag to hold her face in front of her. She spots Jenny's eyes going straight to the ring on her finger, visually reminding herself that Yaz promised to look after her all those years ago because  _ she wants to. _ For better, for worse. “What do you really want?” Yaz pushes their heads together as if it can open a telepathic door inside Jenny's head that Yaz can draw important information from. 

Jenny thinks and thinks hard going by the depth of her frown line between her eyes. “Can you touch me?”

“Are you sure Jen?” Yaz double checks.

“Very. Very sure, please.” 

“You’ve still got to be a bit quiet though Jenny. Promise to be a good girl and do that?”

Jenny nods with her pupils widening. Simply just laying on their sides next to each other Yaz shuffles forwards into Jenny’s body to pay attention to her upper half. Kiss her, touch her, hold her over and under her clothes. She can tell Jenny likes it with how she reciprocates; kissing her back, touching her, holding Yaz’s hand on her body where she wants her touch to linger. Considering a couple of days ago Yaz wasn’t allowed to touch her at all upon Jenny’s own post-meltdown boundaries Yaz will happily do whatever she wants. She reaches for the waistband of Jenny’s joggers and tugs them down just enough for Jenny to spread her legs comfortably when a natural shift in energy pushes her to. Instead of going straight for it Yaz kisses Jenny’s neck hard enough to leave a mark in a particularly visible place- because it’s the first morning of their week long holiday together and she can. Jenny’s knee rises in the air when Yaz runs her tongue over the blemished skin leaving a perfect opening for Yaz’s hand. 

“Yaz!”

“Sssh.” Yaz breathes onto Jenny’s lips when her finger probes through her folds.

She’s wet and slick and sticky and Yaz touches her with such delicate nature that makes Jenny intent on kissing her while she does it. Yaz doesn’t complain. In fact she likes it. She likes how Jenny responds to each simple touch, each simple stroke. Yaz goes slow, tentative, half of her concentrating going on her fingers, a quarter of it on kissing Jenny back and the last quarter of concentration being on how Jenny’s feeling up her body. Unknowing of it Yaz’s leg and full body position mirrors Jenny’s with one of Jenny’s hands slowly inching down until her knuckles brush against the sensitive bud to make Yaz gasp. 

“I can’t not.” Jenny mumbles her explanation.

“I love you.” Yaz whispers as deft fingers rub and circle her clit with a clear intent. 

The kissing becomes an excuse not to make noise and in case they do each other's lips are there to muffle it. Soft and sacred sounds that belong to just the two of them. Somewhere in the distance Yaz hears the whistle of a kettle gently reminding her that other people are awake and any slip up could be heard across the entire field but it feels just like that: worlds away. 

With her own fingers working inside and around Jenny where she’s most sensitive and with Jenny putting pressure on the bud of nerves under her fingertips it’s becoming a waiting game to see who comes first. Yaz feels Jenny pulse around her fingers and gets an answer. After that just looking at her face and feeling Jenny’s fingers lose their rhythm is enough for Yaz to close her eyes and breathe heavily onto Jenny’s face as she comes. 

“Never leave me.” Jenny mutters, her voice strained and her hands moving to hold Yaz’s middle. 

Yaz smiles but when she opens her eyes, she spots something she wasn’t expecting. 

“Are you crying?” Yaz asks. 

“I have a lot of emotions going on right now, I just...”

“Babe.” Yaz giggles, bringing Jenny in to hold her tight against her chest and stroke her hair. “You’re still a bit fragile, aren’t you. It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to be.” Jenny sobs, now feeling like she’s able to in Yaz’s arms. 

“That’s why we’re here Jen. Make you feel better.” Yaz kisses the top of her head. 

“I didn’t mean to cry.” Jenny wipes her eyes. 

“I don't mind Jenny. So long as you are only crying about what’s going on in your head and not anything I did.” 

“You did everything right.” Jenny smiles. 

“Shower then toast?” Yaz suggests, knowing that the day’s got to go on at some point. Jenny kisses her in agreement- although it does delay them another five minutes.

Yaz gets back from the shower block first and sets up the gas stove straight away. She herself would usually have some cereal but they’re going to the shops after breakfast to fill their cool box. She probably should have gotten at least a bit of milk so they can have a cup of tea but she didn’t think. Toast will be fine and at least they thought to bring butter. 

Jenny comes back and throws her towel and wash bag into one of the spare pods of the tent. If Cameron was here, it would be where he sleeps but since he’s not it’s turned into a sort of store room. The second she does that Jenny is intent on distracting Yaz and spins her around by her waist. With their bodies in such close proximity Yaz hears Jenny humming a tune she doesn't quite recognize but their bodies together start to sway under Jenny's lead. 

“What song are you thinking of?” Yaz asks.

“A special one.”

“Yeah?” 

“Makes me think of you.” Jenny smiles. Her smile makes Yaz smile and they both keep smiling while Yaz gets led around the tent. 

“Our breakfast is going to burn.” Yaz says.

Jenny takes the hint and lets Yaz get back to the little table that holds the gas stove. However, she keeps her arms around Yaz’s middle and hugs her from behind, keeping her chin on Yaz’s shoulder. Yaz knows this is Jenny’s habit to get her senses comfortable with touch again but she still senses an innocent essence of just wanting to hold her, which makes Yaz’s chest warm. 

“Do you feel better?” Yaz asks. 

“Sort of.” Jenny mumbles. 

“Sort of how?” 

“I still feel just… tired.” Jenny sighs. “Sort of like I’ve had a midlife crisis but I know I can’t change myself because it’s just who I am so what was the point in the crisis.” 

“You know I love you the way you are Jen.” Yaz reminds her while pressing her face against Jenny’s cheek. “Breakdowns and all.” 

“I know but-”

“Oh! Excuse me, sorry to disturb. Bit hard to knock on these things.” A cheery woman with a very thick Scottish accent who is a little bit younger than them appears at the open part of their tent. 

“It’s alright.” Jenny smiles politely and releases her grip on Yaz. 

“Now, we’re leaving this morning and these eggs won’t last the trip home for us. Would you like them?” The woman offers. 

“That’s very kind of you, thank you.” Yaz accepts the small carton of eggs. 

“Thank you.” Jenny adds with a little nod. Yaz can sense her getting stiff at having to interact with a stranger.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” She grins. 

“Have a safe journey home!” Yaz calls after her for the sake of social etiquette. “That was nice.” 

“Can I have scrambled eggs on my toast?” Jenny hugs Yaz from behind again. Yaz grumbles, knowing how much of a pain cleaning up scrambled eggs is. “Please. Please please please please please please pl-”

“Fine, but you’re washing it up.” 

Jenny sticks to her promise and sets off down to the washing up bench after they’re done with breakfast. Yaz has half the mind to follow at a distance and keep an eye on her in case the sound of a fork hitting the metal draining board triggers her again. But then she remembers Jenny is not a child. She’s a grown woman in her mid (nearing late) fifties who can look after herself and take herself out of situations she’s uncomfortable with, knowing that Yaz is there waiting for her. 

When Jenny comes back Yaz helps her dry and tidy up before they set off for the supermarket for some food. They can’t afford to eat at restaurants every lunch and dinner so they need some essentials; although to Jenny essentials means soft drinks and snacks. Once in the car park Yaz notes Jenny’s quietness upon seeing how busy it is. After all, it is the start of the summer holidays. 

“Do you want-”

“Don’t ask me if I want to stay in the car, I’m not a child.” Jenny unbuckles her seatbelt in a huff.

“I was just checking Jenny.” 

Jenny sighs, realising she was too quick to react properly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Come on let’s go and get some snacks.” 

“You are a snack.” Jenny mumbles looking Yaz up and down. She’s wearing a black button up short sleeved shirt with white floral pattern and denim shorts- which she knows Jenny will compliment any day- but other than that she looks like she just woke up in a tent. Which technically, she has. “Wait, is that my shirt?” Jenny frowns. 

“It was on my side of the wardrobe when I packed, therefore it’s mine.”

Jenny has no defense. Yaz takes her hand and they enter the shop together and by no surprise Yaz heads for the essentials like milk, cereal, pasta, pasta sauce, bread for sandwiches, some fruit to snack on, etcetera. Jenny on the other hand comes back to Yaz with her arms filled with soft drinks and a selection of crisp packets. 

“Do you really need all of those?” 

“I’m mentally unwell.” Jenny says. Yaz looks at her disapprovingly. Never in her life has she heard Jenny use it as an excuse before. “Fine I’ll put the cheese puffs back.”

“Wait no, keep the cheese puffs.” Yaz says, analysing the packets Jenny’s dropped into the basket. “Put the maize bacon rashers back, they make your breath smelly.” 

“Alright.” Jenny meets her in the middle. 

Jenny puts the packet back and they head off for the tills. On the way out Jenny mentions that she wants to spend the rest of the day at the beach and since it’s such a lovely day Yaz agrees. It’ll do her good. 

They drop off their supplies and get changed into swimsuits (Yaz keeping her button up on, not intending to go in the water), pack a small bag each with some clean clothes in, a water bottle, a book and a towel. Under Yaz’s arm she carries a blanket for the two of them to sit on as well. Jenny reappears from their pod with her shorts and rash vest on looking mildly annoyed. 

“What’s up?” Yaz asks the face of thunder.

“It doesn’t cover the mark you made.” Jenny grumbles pointing at her neck.

“Good.” Yaz grins. “That way people won’t come up to us thinking we’re two best friends waiting for our husbands to come back.”

“That’s a good point, actually. You have a point.” Jenny considers the logic of it all. 

“Come on, let’s go. Our husbands are waiting.” Yaz says and Jenny laughs. It’s the first time Yaz has heard her laugh for a few days. Just the sound makes her happy that she decided to bring her away on holiday. 

The beach is crammed when they get there. It’s lunchtime and high tide so they should have guessed it would be. But Jenny is dealing with it in her own way and they find a nice spot to put a windbreak up, if Yaz had remembered to pack one. Jenny offers to go and buy a cheap one from the beach shop across the road and as Yaz suspected she comes back with a cheap as chips windbreak in one hand and a sausage roll in the other. When Yaz asks if she only thought about herself Jenny pulls out a cheese and onion pasty out of her back pocket. 

Once they’ve eaten Jenny goes to splash around in the sea and swim. Knowing Jenny likes to do that for hours at a time Yaz settles in on the sand to do some people watching. She reads a chapter or two of her book then does some more people watching. With the sun beating down on her, Yaz unbuttons her (Jenny’s stolen) shirt and lets the heat of the sun warm her stomach as she lays down. She could nap easily under these conditions and she almost does until a friendly looking dog drops its ball at Yaz’s feet. It looks polite, so Yaz throws it. Then she throws it again. And again and again and again until it’s owner whistles for it and apologises that their dog is ‘bothering’ Yaz. Yaz tells them it’s no trouble and has a standard quick conversation about how she has a dog at home too so she understands. No sooner has she said goodbye to her new friend she sees her wife b-lining towards her, her eyes darting everywhere and her legs making sure she’s at least a meter from everyone she passes. 

Something’s wrong.

“Loads of people and seaweed touching me on accident.” Jenny’s voice shakes as she stands over Yaz.

“Take a moment Jen.” Yaz encourages her to sit down and at the same time retrieves Jenny’s water bottle and hands it to her to take a drink. “Are you alright if I just go to the toilet?” She asks. Jenny nods and Yaz trusts her. 

Of course she’s not  _ only  _ going to the toilet. She’s actually going to buy Jenny an ice cream and swiftly gets in the queue for one once she’s done her business. She takes the liberty of getting one for herself as well, a nice salted caramel, while she knows Jenny would rather have mint choc chip and chocolate fudge. Yaz skips the flake this time, scared that a seagull will swoop down and take it if she takes too long to run back to Jenny. She could have though, because it doesn’t take her long to weave through the crowds. It’s funny, after all these years having an abnormal scar on her stomach she’s still not used to the feeling of people evidently and shamelessly staring. She hopes it makes her still look cool. Badass Yaz Khan with her scar that she refuses to let fade completely.

As she approaches the area of land that they’ve set up to act as home for the day Yaz spots a young blonde boy, probably only about five years old a couple of feet in front of her heading for Jenny with his mum only paying attention to her phone at his side. 

“Mummy why does that lady have a mark on her neck?” He asks and points. 

“Octopus strangled me.” Jenny says. 

“Jenny!” Yaz hisses at her and picks up her pace so she can enact damage control.

“She’s the octopus.” Jenny points in Yaz’s direction. 

The poor kid just looks more confused now and with nothing else to say runs back to his mum. 

“You didn’t have to confuse the kid.” Yaz sighs. 

“What was I supposed to do, tell him my wife sucked on my neck for foreplay this morning like we’re teenagers.” 

“Don’t act like you hate it and eat your ice cream.” Yaz huffs and quickly looks around to see if anyone heard Jenny’s description. If anyone did they’re not being nosy about it. 

“You got me ice cream?” Jenny takes the cone.

“Course I did.” Yaz shrugs as she sits down with her own single scoop, trying not to drop it in a sandy grave. Out of the blue, Jenny kisses her cheek with already sticky lips. 

“Thank you.”

As they eat their sweet treats Yaz manages to talk Jenny down from whatever overload she was about to have and amazingly manages to get her to laugh again. In another stroke of genius Yaz uses her empty ice cream pot to make mini sandcastles which catches Jenny’s attention. Together they make what must be a hundred of these little mounds of sands as they talk and joke together. The sand around their belongings looks like  The Giant's Causeway by the time they’re done for a while. 

Jenny takes a nap then, giving Yaz the opportunity to take a selfie with her thumb up with Jenny in half of the screen sleeping and send it to Cameron to show how their first full day is going. If Yaz was worried when it happened then Cameron was terrified. He encouraged Yaz to do anything, literally anything, to make his mum better and it’s only fair to tell him how it’s going. 

By the time Jenny wakes up again the crowd on the beach is starting to thin out which helps a lot. Jenny takes to the sea for the last part of the day with the lifeguards around- she simply refuses to go in without them looking over the water- and Yaz takes entertainment in simply watching Jenny have fun and relax. However about five minutes before the lifeguards start to pack up the flags, Yaz spots Jenny just standing at the water's edge as still as anything. Of course Yaz gets up as soon as she sees the unusual behaviour and jogs down the beach towards the receding tide to see what’s going on.

“What are you doing?” Yaz asks when she finally reaches Jenny. 

“Listening to the sea.” Jenny mumbles with her eyes fixed on the horizon. 

“What’s she saying?” Yaz asks. 

“The sea can’t talk Yaz.” Jenny smiles. 

“You personify the stars.” 

“That’s because the stars are untouchable. This here, this load of water can drown people but it's home to life and aquatic animals and litter and dead people’s ashes and shipwrecks, plastic and waste and salt, and it makes up seventy one percent of the Earth. We know barely anything about it. It’s ruled by the moon and it crashes and on the sand and it makes sound and it never stops moving and sometimes it’s angry and sometimes it’s calm but it all depends on the moon. Brilliant, isn’t it.” 

“Sounds like personification to me.” Yaz smirks. 

“Water makes me calm.” Jenny continues on. 

“I know Jen.” 

Yaz connects them both by placing the palm of her hand on the small of Jenny’s back. She’s right. Listening to the waves is peaceful. Each wave crashing brings a new wave of calm.

“It’s still not as beautiful as you though.” Jenny does her polite cat smile that still after all this time turns Yaz to putty. 

Yaz smiles and shakes her head, looking off into the horizon herself now. “Such a smooth talker.” She rests her head comfortable on Jenny’s shoulder. 

“I want to watch the sunset here tonight. With a pizza from that woodfire van down the road.” Jenny announces. 

“I like that idea.” Yaz gives her approval. 

And they do just that. Yaz holds the towel around Jenny so she can do that awkward maneuver everyone does when they try to get into dry clothes without getting sand everywhere all while in a public place. Yaz just buttons up her shirt again and puts on a hoodie. If it gets any colder she has some joggers to put on her bottom half but she should be fine for now, so she makes her way down the road in her sand filled flip flops. She has Jenny’s normal order of pepperoni and she would be lying if she said she hadn’t already looked up the variations on offer. Yaz orders pepperoni for Jenny and a goats cheese and sun dried tomato pizza for herself. It’s fairly busy and there’s only one man with a very long beard and a funky bead necklace running the place but somehow Yaz gets their pizzas after only a short fifteen minute wait. 

When she gets back to the beach, Yaz isn’t surprised that Jenny has moved their set up to chase the tide so she can still hear it. Changing direction Yaz thinks about how today has hopefully done Jenny some good. Jenny is a very outdoors-y person and Yaz silently prays that by the end of this week Jenny will be back to her normal. No overwhelming stress, nothing too heavy on her shoulders to worry about. 

“Hey.” Yaz hands Jenny her pizza box. “I asked for extra pepperoni for you.” 

“Thanks babe.”

“It’s nice and quiet here now.” Yaz notes. They’re one of the only three groups left now. 

The golden sun reflects down on the water in front of them to illuminate their dinner. Just it’s colour is warm enough to make it act like a candlelit dinner and in addition to the sound of the waves lapping and crashing Yaz herself takes a moment to unwind. She’s been so pent up about looking after her wife that she’s not taken a moment to take in this holiday for herself so far. She’s still surprised she managed to get the time off at such short notice. Either way, the pizza is delicious on her taste buds and the landscape in front of her is delicious on her eyes. 

“This is the beach we’ve always come to, isn’t it?” Yaz double checks, stacking the two now empty pizza boxes behind her. 

“Yup. The best one in my opinion.” 

“Even when you stepped in dog shit while running along the beach trying to impress me like you were in Baywatch?” 

“Especially then.” Jenny laughs at the memory. “And when I wished for you to marry me. If I had more confidence, I would have proposed to you that day.” Jenny says. 

“Huh?” Yaz doesn’t quite get it. 

“I thought I needed more signs and more time with you before asking. I was going to buy a ring and I was going to take you out on a special date with some money I had set by especially for it and I was going to have a plan but a few weeks later I asked you to marry me anyway.”

“Are you trying to say you wished you could have proposed to me differently?” Yaz asks, still not really getting it. 

“Little bit.” Jenny shrugs regretfully which automatically makes Yaz pout.

“I don’t wish it was any different.” 

Jenny breaths out of her smiling lips nervously and stares at her fingers twitching in her lap. 

“You deserve more than me.” She mutters but she sounds so certain- so convinced. 

“I don’t want anyone other than you.” Yaz swings a leg over Jenny’s lap so she ends up sitting on her with her arms around Jenny’s shoulders. She tucks the hood of Jenny’s jumper behind both her ears by mistake as she brushes away her hair but decides to keep it like that because even though the blonde looks ridiculous in general she also looks ridiculously cute too. “When we get old-”

“We are old.”

“Proper, proper old and wrinkly and we smell of our own piss and Cameron has to blend up all our food because we have no teeth. When we get there, I am still going to be at your side and I’m still going to be saying ‘I love you’ and saying it the same way I said it in that shitty uni accommodation room for the first time and I have full faith that you’ll still say it back. We’ll wish that we would have done things differently all the time thanks to hindsight but I like the way we’ve made it so far. Our way.” Yaz finishes her speech. 

“I feel like a child when I have… a moment.” Jenny speaks as if she’s ashamed of herself. 

“We’re all just big kids though aren’t we.” Yaz cups both her cheeks and strokes the soft skin with her thumbs. She can see salt crystals on Jenny’s eyebrows and her eyelashes but Yaz thinks of it more as glitter. Something that makes Jenny even more special if only temporary. “It’s alright Jenny. It doesn’t make anyone think any less of you.” 

“Not even you?” Jenny asks, eyebrows raised. 

“You already know my answer to that.” Yaz smiles. Jenny smiles back at her. Knowing that the conversation has come to a natural end Yaz looks around to find something else to talk about. She settles on the scenery since it’s just so stunning. “It really is beautiful here.” 

“Can you move then, you’re blocking my view.” Jenny says. 

“What happened to ‘still not as beautiful as you’?” Yaz asks as she dismounts Jenny’s lap to curl up at her side. 

“Your side profile is just as perfect.” Jenny says, swiftly managing to fit in yet another cheek kiss before Yaz’s head finally rests on her shoulder.

They stay on that beach in a comfortable, meditative silence until the sun disappears and the moon lights their path home. Well. At least to the car park. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 is just chaotic energy and no plot I swear


End file.
